It Was Scary That I Mattered Yesterday And Today, I’m Just Another Stranger.

“Sometimes there is no next time, no timeouts, and no second chance. Sometimes it’s now or never.”

— Alan Bennett

You know what’s the worst of crying?

It’s when you try to steady your breath, a tear escapes your eyes and suddenly you are a god damn waterfall.

It’s when a sound must escape your chest and you have this urge to stop it in your throat.

It’s when you can’t breathe out loud cause you know you’re gonna be on full bawling.

It’s when you have to put a hand over your mouth or bite something just to suppress everything and hope that if something else hurts you won’t notice the pain eating you inside.

It’s when your head starts to ache and hope you just fall asleep while holding tightly to your pillow or a blanket.

It’s when the world is quiet and the only noise you hear is coming out of you.

It’s when you thought you already healed and you remember the pain you’ve already forgotten.

It’s the worst of crying because while you want to release everything you can’t go looking at the past like it’s not affecting your present.

It’s the worst because no one can know. Not that you’re being stubborn or putting a brave face, it’s the worst because you chose to do it alone. Because you actually know what to do, you just don’t know how.

Tonight’s drama is on me. I dwell on it and guess whose heart hurts now? 🤷🏽‍♀️

Let’s be honest

I am done not knowing where I should go or where I should be. I’m exhausted of thinking what I should do or what the future would bring. I’m admitting it tonight, that someone like me is as broken as a shattered glass. But I am also picking it up, little by little. Even if I had to touch every broken part of me. I am admitting that I cannot be repaired or be put together for now. And I think it’s okay. I may be hurting but I am also trying. Surviving. Breathing. I may not be living but at least I know what’s up and what’s not. Because I know, someday, if I might get clever or worse... get worse. But it’s still okay. I’m not hiding my broken parts anymore or denying every part of I am. They’re fragments of my life and they deserved to be acknowledged.

Scene ♥️

You were the fire, Who made me smile. Long before I realized, You had me ablaze Right before my eyes.

So many uncomfortable feels on me tonight

We are nothing but a mere memory of two people who fell apart.

Let’s be something else

Si mis palabras pudieron ayudarte en algún momento entonces soy feliz.

And suddenly you can’t run from it anymore. You face it not to just overcome it, you face it just to end a suffering.

I still don’t know what my “it” is

Some words to use when writing things:

winking

clenching

pulsing

fluttering

contracting

twitching

sucking

quivering

pulsating

throbbing

beating

thumping

thudding

pounding

humming

palpitate

vibrate

grinding

crushing

hammering

lashing

knocking

driving

thrusting

pushing

force

injecting

filling

dilate

stretching

lingering

expanding

bouncing

reaming

elongate

enlarge

unfolding

yielding

sternly

firmly

tightly 

harshly

thoroughly

consistently

precision

accuracy

carefully

demanding

strictly

restriction

meticulously

scrupulously

rigorously

rim

edge

lip

circle

band

encircling

enclosing

surrounding

piercing

curl

lock

twist

coil

spiral

whorl

dip

wet

soak

madly

wildly

noisily

rowdily

rambunctiously

decadent

degenerate

immoral

indulgent

accept

take

invite

nook

indentation

niche

depression

indent

depress

delay

tossing

writhing

flailing

squirming

rolling

wriggling

wiggling

thrashing

struggling

grappling

striving

straining