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It’s when you try to steady your breath, a tear escapes your eyes and suddenly you are a god damn waterfall.
It’s when a sound must escape your chest and you have this urge to stop it in your throat.
It’s when you can’t breathe out loud cause you know you’re gonna be on full bawling.
It’s when you have to put a hand over your mouth or bite something just to suppress everything and hope that if something else hurts you won’t notice the pain eating you inside.
It’s when your head starts to ache and hope you just fall asleep while holding tightly to your pillow or a blanket.
It’s when the world is quiet and the only noise you hear is coming out of you.
It’s when you thought you already healed and you remember the pain you’ve already forgotten.
It’s the worst of crying because while you want to release everything you can’t go looking at the past like it’s not affecting your present.
It’s the worst because no one can know. Not that you’re being stubborn or putting a brave face, it’s the worst because you chose to do it alone. Because you actually know what to do, you just don’t know how.
Tonight’s drama is on me. I dwell on it and guess whose heart hurts now? 🤷🏽♀️