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OK so I lied... I didn't learn new html magic, I was itching to download substack so I did, and omg why did no one tell me about that app 😃?!!!??!!!

Substack is the app I'd be (I wish 🌚)

I've been listening to all those sick essays and writings and poems and I'm so utterly in love with every one's mind and articulation Urgh.

Anyways it's 9:40 rn, I'm gonna do my doulingo lesson then get on with fixing my website, maybe I'll share the updates soon with yall; I use neocities 😼, but the website I'm working on is for my alter ego but I'll make another for my main so dw)

Here's a cat I met recently, I told her pspsps 😻

9/10 day :p

May is here

Today went out tried to sketch no motivation, nothing interesting really.

Ok but can we talk about how different each phase of the menstrual cycle feels?? like you’d think it’s just “period = sad” but no babe, it’s a whole seasonal shift in your body every month.

bleeding days? emotional fog. kind of dreamy, kind of raw. i wanna disappear and reappear as a wiser version of myself.

then suddenly i’m glowing?? follicular phase hits and i’m making playlists, plotting my entire life, falling in love with strangers on the street.

ovulation? don’t talk to me i’m the sun. i could seduce gods. i’m flirty, social, magnetic, and fully convinced i’m that girl, Angel!

but then luteal phase slaps me with a cosmic “slow down.” i start overthinking, wanting to delete my whole internet presence, (the amount of times I've deactivated my insta is crazy) crying over a tiktok of a dog getting a new toy or that one guy who lost is mom, held her funeral pic with his dad, then the next slide is him holding his dad's funeral pic, that devastated me, this phase makes the world feel loud.

and the wildest part? it’s predictable. it’s a cycle. we’re not crazy, we’re syncing with an inner calendar nobody taught us how to read.

there’s so much i wanna say on this. like how to work with your cycle instead of fighting it. how to rest, create, reflect, and thrive depending on the phase you’re in. but i’ll save all that for the full post.

just wanted to say: you’re not lazy, moody, clingy, or cold. you’re probably just in a different phase. and that deserves softness, not shame.

x

👼🏾

Whoever is reading this remember you're perfect xo

Sunday Musings - 020225

This morning, I decided that my usual sunny-side-up simply wouldn’t do. Sundays deserve something a little more indulgent, a little more special—so I let my egg transform into golden, cinnamon-kissed French toast. A small luxury, but a luxury nonetheless.

The rest of the day? A delicate balance between leisure and productivity. Too Hot to Handle had me in a vice grip (no regrets, I love that game), but I still managed to weave in moments of purpose—gathering ideas for my alter ego’s literary journey, tending to the house, and looking after my little cousin. Life, in its quiet rhythms.

And then, there was Animal Farm. A book I’ve picked up twice before, but never quite seen the way I do now. It’s fascinating how stories shift when read through older eyes—how words once skimmed over now demand to be felt. Perhaps this time, I’ll listen.

Today was a 6/10. Not extraordinary, not mundane—just a day, simply lived. Could I have done more? Maybe. But sometimes, being present in even the smallest moments is enough :)

All of a sudden, I need a pink iPhone 16😫

The Tragic Cycle of Wired Headphones: A Self-Reflection

You know that moment when you buy a fresh pair of wired headphones and make a silent promise to yourself? This time will be different. This time, you won’t shove them into your bag like some kind of deranged squirrel hoarding acorns. You won’t yank them out of your phone like you’re trying to start a lawnmower. You will treat them with care, with respect.

And yet.

Somehow.

Here you are. Again. Another pair, dead. The left earbud? Gone. The right one? Hanging on for dear life, whispering faintly, like it’s calling out from the afterlife. You stare at it, baffled. How? HOW did this happen? You were careful. You learned from the last five pairs. Didn’t you?

No. You didn’t.

Because the truth is, you’ve said this every time. Every. Single. Time. Your history is littered with the ghosts of headphones past—frayed wires, sound cutting in and out like a broken radio transmission, rubber casings peeling back to reveal the fragile, suffering wires inside. You think about how they got here. The careless wrapping around your phone. The times you let them dangle from your pocket like an afterthought. The fact that, at least once, you definitely fell asleep with them still tangled around you like a techno-umbilical cord.

And this—this isn’t just about headphones. No. This is about you. About your patterns. Your delusions. The fact that you keep repeating the same mistakes and expecting a different outcome.

Isn’t that the definition of insanity?

Maybe it’s a metaphor. Maybe your headphones die because you don’t handle delicate things well—physical or emotional. Maybe you ignore problems until they break. Maybe you see the warning signs—the faint crackle in the audio, the slightly exposed wire—and you pretend everything’s fine. It’s fine. It’s FINE. Until one day, it isn’t.

Or maybe, hear me out, wired headphones are simply not meant to last. Maybe they are built to self-destruct, to betray us, to force us into this never-ending cycle of grief and rebirth. Maybe we are all just victims of a larger force—planned obsolescence, capitalism, the cruel inevitability of entropy.

Or maybe, just maybe… I need to stop buying $3 gas station headphones and expecting them to last a lifetime.

Anyway. If you see me buying another pair tomorrow, no you didn’t.

I (edit: recently viewed a video indicating that some people may not recognize what an em dash is, and that using it could lead to assumptions of AI usage. I would like to clarify that I do not utilize AI; I merely use an em dash when it is suitable for its intended purpose.)

Im going to give my blog a fresh start

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Today was very productive actually, I'm 80% complete with the project. Anddddddd I'm going back to writing too :D.

I ate the pancakes I made at midnight for breakfast, they were yum as usual :p.

Stuff I consider productive that I did today:

I cleaned my email inbox.

Unsubscribed from random sites I forgot about.

I took 3 coding lesson practices, which lasted a good chunk of my day.

Deleted books and videos that I had saved and I enjoyed but I would actually cry if anyone came across them. This is an attempt to quit that stuff.

Curated podcasts to listen to (I forgot that podcasts on Apple were free).

I downloaded classic books to replace the old ones.

Read and learned about art history instead of doomscrolling or watching the videos I want to keep away from.

Put 1.5hrs to study italian 😝

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A modelling community invited me to join teehee 💞

Did nothing much today except respond to messages about modelling castings etc, was a slow day, thinking of entering a fasting and exercising run again.

Idk what else to add... Hmm... I love YouTube, OK bye?

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Slept in, accompanied cuzo to the hospital, came home late, now in bed

7/10 day, see it doesn't take much to make me have a fulfilled day.