Question: Who Wants A Stupid AU Idea?

Question: Who wants a stupid AU idea?

Answer: Presumably you, since you're on my blog and that's about the only thing I write.

This AU contains references to sexual activity and not-quite-cannibalism, as well as attempted child murder (Obi-Wan's canon early padawanship)

So you know all those "Stewjoni are valued as sex slaves because they're dual sex and possibly mild empaths" AUs?

I want "Stewjoni are carnivorous species who are very attractive human-seeming individuals, but specifically as a hunting mechanism to draw in and trick prey, like mimic spiders."

(Someone on discord said 'like succubi?' and no. Nope. Succubi fuck to death. They gain energy from the act of sex. Stewjoni just fucking eat people.)

(Well, not anymore. It's impolite.)

(They have animal alternatives now.)

Obi-Wan is a very, very attractive man and all those things about his genitalia and sexual proficiency are true! But try to enslave a Stewjoni at your own peril, they're more disarming then a Zeltron and, unlike the Zeltron, their first instinct will be to eat you.

Does he eat people? Well, not usually! There are some close calls on Bandomeer and Melida/Daan, but he's not old enough to really be at full sexy yet, and "cute enough that nobody will hurt me because I'm baby" doesn't work on Xanatos (because darksider) or the Melida/Daan adults (because they're already killing so many kids).

He comes very, very close on Rattatak.

I want to say he rips someone's throat out with his teeth while undercover as Hardeen and Dooku is just very ?????????? about it. He thought this was undercover Kenobi but now he's not so sure because Kenobi would never be so uncivilized, right?

(It does put a different spin on him threatening to eat that shark dude.)

Anakin: You don't know what it's like to struggle with the Dark, Obi-Wan! Obi-Wan: Every time I have sex my hindbrain is whispering to me that I should eat my partner. It's not the same thing, but I can relate on it a bit.

Obi-Wan: My natural prey is humans. Anakin: ...what. [some time later] Ahsoka: I'm a carnivore! Obi-Wan: Ah, you're in good company. Ahsoka: ...? Anakin: He eats people. Obi-Wan: I MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT.

Obi-Wan: I am naturally inclined to eat people but I have never in my life done so on account of having been taught the innate value of life, and particularly that of a sapient beings, since toddlerhood. Anakin: I remember you ripping a man's face open with your teeth and eating the flesh you tore off as a power play when I was fifteen. Obi-Wan: I WAS IN HANDCUFFS AND HE WAS TRYING TO KILL YOU.

(Anakin 100% did not know that Obi-Wan wasn't human when Obi-Wan bit the dude's face off.)

Gelpenss: Obi-Wan very much wants to eat humanoids and unfortunately they ping his brain BEFORE the alternatives. He has NO innate dissuasion at the thought of eating human.

Atagotiak: Like, Anakin had realized Obi-Wan is more carnivorous than the baseline human, but... this is new. Anakin: Why didn't you tell me before? Obi-Wan: You were tiny! And Anxious! I didn't want you to think I might eat you!

I have no idea if Obi-Wan managed to distract Maul with the sexy. I assume he tried but did not succeed, just because that would be too much power, but it would be very funny if he did. Probably failed, though, and Qui-Gon's still dead. 😔

Qui-Gon insisted on Obi-Wan doing lots of meditation on the innate value of life throughout the entire padawancy.

More Posts from Anitzeineko and Others

4 years ago
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3 years ago
Knight Dooku And His Ten-year-old Padawan Rael Averross Travel To Oleracia, A Planet In The Outer Rim,

Knight Dooku and his ten-year-old Padawan Rael Averross travel to Oleracia, a planet in the Outer Rim, to bring home a Force-sensitive child.

Read the fic here!


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3 years ago

Do you have any Mirialan headcanons?

OH BOY DO I!!!

Ok… ok I can do this. I apologize, this is my first anon and I’m a little beside myself with excitement right now.

Ok, Mirialans.

Canon says they’re a near-human species, and other than some weird colored skin and tats, the only inhuman thing they have is their flexibility and agility. Their home world, Mirial, is cold and dry. Their geometric tattoos are usually done after some sort of personal achievement, which I personally read as a ‘right of passage’ sort of thing.

So, they come in yellow, green, and pink, and other than their skin color, their tattoos are their most notable attributes.

Personally, their tattoos always looked to me like the sort of patterns you’d see on a snake. I mean, I live in the American southwest, this is prime rattlesnake territory, and several of the tattoo designs you see in SWTOR look just like that. Yellow, and green are pretty common colors in snakes, and I dare you to find me an animal that better fits their ‘super flexible’ attribute.

So Mirialans are snake people.

More specifically, they are a reptomammalian species that resemble humans through convergent evolution.  As reptomammals, they possess both reptilian and mammalian characteristics. The way I saw it explained with Tauntauns, Mirialans are covered from head to toe in scales, and certain scales grow hair, say on their heads and faces.

Unlike humans, they don’t have body hair. Men can have beards, but that is usually due to having some human in their ancestry.

Their body can regulate its temperature, but not quite as well as a full mammal, so they generally run very cold compared to humans and they tend to suffer more in extreme heat.

Depending on what region of Mirial their ancestors come from, their scales can be thicker and rougher, or smaller and smooth. They do not have any natural patterning to their scales, but it is fairly common to have their palest scales on the chest and belly and the darkest at their spine. However, long ago their ancestors did have scale patterns, and so that is where their tattoo designs came from.

Having evolved on a cold planet, and being omnivorous, they needed to bring their prey down quickly to avoid expending precious heat and energy chasing it down, thus their ancestors were venomous. And unlike the scale patterns, they kept the venom. Their incisors are sharper than a human’s and they have a set of upper and lower fangs. Like snakes, their upper fangs are hollow and they have a pair of venom glands situated just beneath their cheekbones. They can open their mouths well beyond a human’s range of movement, and at full flexion, the muscles surrounding the glands squeeze the venom down and out the tips of the fangs. The venom itself is fatal to anything smaller than a medium sized child and is composed of a mix of neurotoxin and hemotoxin.

The neurotoxin causes localized paralysis, making it difficult for a victim to flee, and if it’s small enough, respiritory failure. The hemotoxin destroys red blood cells and makes clotting difficult, but mostly it’s there to cause pain and hopefully shock to the victim. Left untreated, a Mirialan bite can cause days of agony and permanent organ damage to an adult. Common poison antidotes can alleviate the paralysis and prevent any organ damage, but little can be done about the pain.

A general Mirialan antivenom exists and can stop the majority of the toxin, but only antivenom made from the offending Mirialan or related family members, will fully counteract it. It’s because of this that more responsible individuals carry personalized antivenom. Still, in this day and age of blasters and thermal detonators, you have to have majorly fucked up for a Mirialan to bite you.

They have good senses of smell, and average vision and hearing, but like snakes, they are able to ‘see’ in infrared. Its like someone turned up the color saturation on hot objects and they practically glow in the dark.

They’re from a largely matriarchal society, and if you want those sweet sweet tats, you need to complete a sort of coming of age feat. The feat in question is often tailor made to each individual to test their strength. Ex. A girl who likes hunting could be asked to go kill a certain tough critter, or guy who likes science could be asked to write a dissertation in his field. Basically something that was a challenge but not impossible

The facial tattoos were the ones they had to earn, but body tattoos were just for decoration, like any other species. Although it is common for those with facial tattoos to have that pattern repeated or expanded upon on the rest of their body.

Oh.

And a Mirialan man’s dick is held inside his body and only comes out when it’s party time.

Aaaaand I think that’s it. If I think of anything else major I’ll try to post it. 

Thank you so much for your question!


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3 years ago

I recently came out to my mother's side of the family who are majority conservative christians and it went much better than I expected. Like, they were weirdly supportive. I only got one comment insinuating that I might possibly be going to hell but it came from my aunt and she's dying soon anyway so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Anyway, I'm telling them how shocked I am and that I honestly thought that they'd have more of a problem with it when my grandma is like "Well you know we've been through this before with your uncle Nicky" and I'm like "what" and so it turns out that my uncle Nick was born a Natalie, came out as a boy at 19, and my great grandma proceeded to pay for his top surgery and hormone therapy. In 1974. And I just had to process for a bit because my entire life no one has referred to him as anything other than he/him and his chosen name. I ask why no one ever thought to mention this and they're just like "tbh we forgot. It's been so long that he's been a man" This man is married. He has a wife and three kids. I ask my relatives how they went about having kids, whether through adoption or sperm donor or what and none of them know. Apparently he just told everyone that they were gonna be parents and then one day showed up at my grandma's house with a baby. No questions were asked. Just. He and his wife had a baby now and that was that. Three times. Weeks later when I finally talk to my aunt Sarah (Nick's wife) all she tells me is that neither of them have ever been pregnant and, I quote, "sometimes you just come into children". She phrased it like people use the phrase "come into money". Like children are something that just happens to you. I ask my relatives if any of them had a problem with Nick being trans at the time, saying I'd understand if they had negative feelings about it, as it was the 1970s after all. They were like "nope" and i was just like "you didn't think anything of it?" And my grandfather was like "these things happen" while the other adults nodded sagely. So I guess the moral here is that if my conservative christian relatives could accept my uncle as trans in the 1970s then there really isn't any excuse for anyone. And also my family needs to ask more questions because I'm fairly sure my aunt and uncle stole their kids.

I'm laughing my ass off at that last sentence- But I'm so glad your coming out went well! That's one heck of a way to find out you have LGBT relatives.


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3 years ago

You know what’s some crazy $hit?

This fabulous bitch

image

She makes a shit ton of poses (like 16,000 or some crazy nonsense).  I used this lovely lady to draw so much as a teen.  Whether it was some nerdy pose for my Mary Sue as fuck OCs

image

or for full on fight sequences

image

or for tragic deaths of my OCs in the arms of a totally OOC main protagonist.  

image

this bitch hooked me up.  

And with the wildest, craziest stuff that you could see in your head but had no way or resources to reasonably draw like

image

or this

image

or this

image

DUDE!  INASNE SHIT!!  So I was using her for a pose reference and decided, you know what, I owe this bitch some cash.  Lemme dole it out for her.  BUT then, I looked and saw she only has 286 fucking patrons!!  This chick gives out free shit and spends countless hours arranging these shoots and setting this stuff up.  

I’ll fork up the cash, SenshiStock.  You’re worth it.  

Check out this amazing woman’s stuff, and get knowledged:  https://www.deviantart.com/senshistock


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4 years ago
“ So Come And Fly Away With Me To A Place Where We Could Be Anyone We Wanna Be And We Can Bottle Up
“ So Come And Fly Away With Me To A Place Where We Could Be Anyone We Wanna Be And We Can Bottle Up
“ So Come And Fly Away With Me To A Place Where We Could Be Anyone We Wanna Be And We Can Bottle Up
“ So Come And Fly Away With Me To A Place Where We Could Be Anyone We Wanna Be And We Can Bottle Up
“ So Come And Fly Away With Me To A Place Where We Could Be Anyone We Wanna Be And We Can Bottle Up
“ So Come And Fly Away With Me To A Place Where We Could Be Anyone We Wanna Be And We Can Bottle Up
“ So Come And Fly Away With Me To A Place Where We Could Be Anyone We Wanna Be And We Can Bottle Up
“ So Come And Fly Away With Me To A Place Where We Could Be Anyone We Wanna Be And We Can Bottle Up

“ So come and fly away with me To a place where we could be anyone we wanna be And we can bottle up our fears Grow a taste so sweet, knock us off our feet and more Burn our troubles Inhale them all Paint our future on a fractured wall

So come and fly away with me To a place where we could be anyone we wanna be… “

                                                        Fly away with me, Tom Walker.

@inazumafocus​

Happy birthday dear Nene !

Keep reading

3 years ago
Day 5 Of Codyan Week -  Morning After (alt. Art Prompt)
Day 5 Of Codyan Week -  Morning After (alt. Art Prompt)

Day 5 of Codyan week -  Morning After (alt. art prompt)

Happy birthday @hoodedmiho and thank you so much for introducing me to this ship! <3


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4 years ago

Some words to use when writing things:

winking

clenching

pulsing

fluttering

contracting

twitching

sucking

quivering

pulsating

throbbing

beating

thumping

thudding

pounding

humming

palpitate

vibrate

grinding

crushing

hammering

lashing

knocking

driving

thrusting

pushing

force

injecting

filling

dilate

stretching

lingering

expanding

bouncing

reaming

elongate

enlarge

unfolding

yielding

sternly

firmly

tightly 

harshly

thoroughly

consistently

precision

accuracy

carefully

demanding

strictly

restriction

meticulously

scrupulously

rigorously

rim

edge

lip

circle

band

encircling

enclosing

surrounding

piercing

curl

lock

twist

coil

spiral

whorl

dip

wet

soak

madly

wildly

noisily

rowdily

rambunctiously

decadent

degenerate

immoral

indulgent

accept

take

invite

nook

indentation

niche

depression

indent

depress

delay

tossing

writhing

flailing

squirming

rolling

wriggling

wiggling

thrashing

struggling

grappling

striving

straining

4 years ago
"Ya Want To Stop? Gettin' Tired Won't Help Anyone, Ya Know?" - Kurosaki Yukine

"Ya want to stop? Gettin' tired won't help anyone, ya know?" - Kurosaki Yukine

"Again. I'll get it right this time." - Tsurugi Kyousuke


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3 years ago
Toxic Husbands (they’re Waiting For Ahsoka To Come Pick Them Up For Bingo)

toxic husbands (they’re waiting for ahsoka to come pick them up for bingo)


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