Okay So, I’ve Been Very Aware That We Do This Thing, But Only Recently Did I Actually Realize HOW OFTEN

YALL! I JUST FOUND THE ‘GOTH RAVE’ COLOR PALLET SETTING!! WAS NO ONE GOING TO TELL ME THIS WAS A THING??!

The frustration of being a fictive from something my host created is so overwhelming. No one knows my source mates. I can’t simply look up fan art when I want to see my friends. I can’t have conversations about my friends and have anyone know who the fuck I’m talking about. No one knows me.

I am so emotionally confused. I have a crush on this guy. One problem with that.

It’s the host’s boyfriend.

I’m not a confrontational person, so I’m not totally sure what to do. Apollo already knows. But isn’t sure what to do or if to bring it up. I want to bring it up to the hosts best friend, but at the same time I’m not super close to them…. Soooooo….. yeah.

-Varian

Random question, is it possible, or really does it happen to you guys, where you will split a new alter, and then a couple days later they will attach themselves to an identity and become a fictive? Because we might have a new fictive, from a source we didn’t know existed until today, but if we did split it’s from about 5 days ago cause something traumatic happened.

!Endos DNI please!

-Angelo

This is a reminder to you just as much as it is my self.

You are not expected to know everything about your system at any point, and no one else in your system should be either

It’s okay if no one really knows what’s happening, even if you have a gatekeeper who’s always on top of things, there will probably be times when even they aren’t sure.

It’s alright to not know everything about yourself or even how things should happen. It doesn’t invalidate you or your system.

For some reason up to this point I expected someone in my system to have an answer to any question I had. And then would get frustrated when they didn’t have one. I am just now realizing that it’s not realistic to expect any of them to understand what’s happening at any given point. Including me.

I don’t owe anyone an explanation, and neither do you. Maybe we need to get just a little bit more comfortable not understanding before we can work on understanding.

Thanks for reading, take care of yourself.

-Apollo/Hunter

That feeling when you tell a guy you like him and not only does he like you too but when you tell him about your system he starts asking respectful questions to better understand and even takes notes on what to do more research on.

I’m going to cry /pos

You don’t truly realize how hard pronouns are when referring to yourself until you are either

1. Trans and have to use different pronouns around different people because you aren’t out to everyone yet.

2. An alter in a system desperately trying not to ruin your singlet persona with the words ‘we’ and ‘us’ in place of ‘I’ and ‘me’

Say hello, to the overwhelming gay presence that is me.

-Angelo

I love that my freind is so accepting of our system that he almost likes one of my alters more than me. It’s increasingly funny how much Hunter and him vibe.

Now to introduce him to the overwhelmingly gay presence that is Angelo.

-Apollo

Like, we feel so bad for the host’s boyfriend because she will periodically just disappear and he’ll be stuck with some random person who has her body, like that must suck. I kinda want to force a switch for him but I know she switched out for a reason.

-either Leo or Hunter

Okay, so on amnesia, there’s this game that I’ve apparently played with my bf FOUR times now. And I don’t remember any of them. Until he told me today I didn’t even realize that I had played a fourth time. And I only knew about the first three because he had told me about them some point after we played.

It is absolutely insane to me how fully I can forget something like that. How totally absolute my brain is when blocking it out. I don’t remember us planning to play, getting ready to play, playing, wrapping up, or whatever we did after that. It’s absolutely insane. And apparently I’ve beat my boyfriend at it several times now.

It’s not an obviously triggering game either, it’s a basic fantasy monster slayer type board game using cats and other furry animal characters. I assume, I don’t remember ever playing it.

The weirdest part to me is that I don’t even remember missing anything. I have no clue when we played, or what we were doing before or after. It legitimately feels like it never even happened and all I have to go off of is my boyfriend’s word, which I do trust, it’s just so bizarre. It’s almost hard to believe any of it happened because of my complete and total lack or recollection of it.

Anyways, I’ve decided next time he brings it out we’ll have to record at least part of the game so I can look back on it.