aprilsray

Latest Posts by aprilsray

sometimes I think about how for a very brief moment even lee dongsik's best friends of 30 years suspected that he could be the murderer and how it just displays how lonely dongsik was even in the company of his near and dear ones. the implications of him giving his all to them but his trauma and grief and his reaction to these creating a wall between him and his beloveds, separating him from them, sowing the seeds for suspicion in a bond lasting multiple decades. I wonder how dongsik reacted when he learnt that they suspected him too, i wonder if he would've bitterly laughed it off thinking how it was logical for them to think that way that it was common sense for jihwa and jeongjae to point the needle towards him. why? well because isn't he the resident suspect, isn't he crazy enough to do it, isn't that who he is.

but the truth is he is not. i wonder if even as he bitterly laughed a needle would've struck in his heart, if he would've thought why can no one ever trust me. what is it that I did that even my own friends can consider the option of suspecting me.

Annie Ernaux, from A Girl's Story

Text ID: her desire and madness, her idiocy and pride, her hunger and her blood that ceased to flow.

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James Baldwin, from Giovanni’s Room

(transcript below cut)

”One of these days,” he said. “Everything bad will happen—one of these days.” “Why is it bad?”


He smiled, “Why, you will go home and then you will find that home is not home anymore. Then you will really be in trouble. As long as you stay here, you can always think: One day I will go home.” He played with my thumb and grinned. “N’est-ce pas?”


“Beautiful logic,” I said. “You mean I have a home to go to as long as I don’t go there?”


He laughed. “Well, isn’t it true? You don’t have a home until you leave it and then, when you have left it, you never can go back.”


“I seem,” I said, “to have heard this song before.”


“Ah, yes,” said Giovanni, “and you will certainly hear it again. It is one of those songs that somebody somewhere will always be singing.

book rec list in honor of the start of pride month 🏳️‍🌈

some of my favorite lgbt+ novels!!

the priory of the orange tree by samantha shannon (high fantasy, lesbian mc, bisexual mc, gay mc, asexual mc, f/f)

the locked tomb trilogy by tamsyn muir (horror sci-fi space opera, literally so many lesbian main characters)

giovanni’s room by james baldwin (literary fiction, gay mc, m/m)

the last true poets of the sea by julia drake (young adult fiction, bisexual main character, f/f)

music from another world by robin talley (historical fiction, epistolary, bisexual mc, lesbian mc, f/f)

tell it to the bees by fiona shaw (historical fiction, wlw main characters, f/f)

aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe by benjamin ailre sáenz (young adult fiction, gay main characters, m/m)

this is how you lose the time war by amal el-mohtar and max gladstone (sci-fi time travel novella, epistolary, wlw main characters, f/f)

on earth we’re briefly gorgeous by ocean vuong (literary fiction/autofiction, epistolary, gay main character)

plus two im currently reading: 

one last stop by casey mcquiston (contemporary romance novel, new adult, bisexual mc, lesbian mc, trans supporting character, gay supporting character, f/f)

left hand of darkness by ursula k. le guin (science fiction, trans/gnc characters)

plus two im hoping to read this month:

confessions of the fox by jordy rosenberg (historical fiction, trans mc)

last night at the telegraph club by malinda lo (historical fiction, young adult, wlw main characters)

what are some of your favorite lesbian books?

some of these have bi characters but if there’s romance involved they’re f/f, also this is not in any particular order i was just going down my goodreads,,,

ya —

not my problem by ciara smyth

her name in the sky by kelly quindlen

the falling in love montage by ciara smyth

the last true poets of the sea by julia drake

the miseducation of cameron post by emily m danforth

na/adult —

girls of summer series by kate christie (not finished with this yet but so far it’s good!)

one last stop by casey mcquiston

endgame by zoe reed

those who wait by haley cass

written in the stars by alexandria bellefluer

plain bad heroines by emily m danforth

everything leads to you by nina lacour

the athena protocol by shamim sarif

the seven husbands of evelyn hugo by taylor jenkins reid

2022 books with aro and ace characters

I made a list like this one for both 2020 and 2021 and people seemed to like those posts, so I’m back with a 2022 version. Some of these books already have covers and synopses, while some only have a short deal announcement, but I’ve listed the specific rep for the books I could find it for. If you have any corrections or additions, feel free to add onto the post! Books written by BIPOC are marked with an asterisk.

Aces Wild by Amanda DeWitt (asexual mc + cast; ya thriller/heist novel)

Arden Grey by Ray Stoeve (questioning asexual sapphic mc; ya contemporary)

At the End of Everything by Marieke Nijkamp (aroace mc; ya sci-fi)

Bad at Love by Gabriela Martins* (demisexual mc; ya contemporary)

Cake Eater by Allyson Dahlin (demisexual mc; ya sci-fi)

City of Deceit by Claudie Arseneault (various a-spec characters; adult fantasy)

Everyone Hates Kelsie Miller by Meredith Ireland* (demisexual mc; ya contemporary romance)

Fire Becomes Her by Rosiee Thor (demiromantic bisexual mc; ya fantasy)

Forward March by Skye Quinlan (questioning asexual lesbian mc; ya contemporary)

Funeral Girl by Emma K. Ohland (asexual mc; ya horror)

It Sounds Like This by Anna Meriano* (questioning ace-spec mc, greyromantic greysexual li; ya contemporary)

Kaikeyi by Vaishnavi Patel* (asexual mc; adult fantasy)

Looking for Hope by Elin Annalise (asexual mc; adult contemporary romance

Never Been Kissed by Timothy Janovsky (demisexual gay mc; adult contemporary romance)

Not Good for Maidens by Tori Bovalino (asexual mc; ya fantasy/horror)

Not Your Type by Elizabeth Jeannel (sapphic asexual mc; (new?) adult contemporary romance)

Silver in the Mist by Emily Victoria (asexual mc; ya fantasy)

Something Fabulous by Alexis Hall (demisexual mlm mc; adult historical romance)

The Bruising of Qilwa by Naseem Jamnia* (aroace nonbinary mc; adult fantasy)

The Butterfly Assassin by Finn Longman (aroace mc; ya thriller)

The Circus Infinite by Khan Wong* (asexual panromantic mc; adult sci-fi)

The City of Dusk by Tara Sim* (asexual mc; adult fantasy)

The Fae Keeper by H.E. Edgmon* (demi-panromantic demisexual li; ya fantasy)

The Kindred by Alechia Dow* (demisexual mc; ya sci-fi)

The Romantic Agenda by Claire Kann* (asexual mc; adult contemporary romance)

The Summer of Bitter & Sweet by Jen Ferguson* (demisexual mc; ya contemporary)

The Trouble with Robots by Michelle Mohrweis (asexual mc; mg contemporary)

Asexual Lesbians only have 4 moods...

- Constant yearning for a gf

- Trying to fit in both the lesbian community and the asexual community

- Doubting one identity or the other constantly

- Calling yourself a lesbian because you don't want to keep lecturing people on asexuality

omg i have been dying to find fruity desi ppl 😭

are here any cool fruity ass desi people here??

they're in love. it's not even subtle at this point

i am, indeed, SCREAMING.

stop making fun of bad people for being fat or having small dicks or being socially awkward or whatever else you seem to think is a fair target. none of that shit has anything to do with why theyre bad. i don't care if a nazi has a stutter or a terf has thinning hair or whatever. at best youre missing the point, at worst your comments are gonna hurt vulnerable people more than they will ever affect the shitty person you're mocking. why are you so attached to these bullshit standards anyway?

being in my 20s is like I understand more of my mother and less than i ever have. My childhood friends are strangers to me and there’s no one i know better. i want to drink wine. i never stopped wanting to climb trees. i know more than I’ve ever known before. I don’t know anything at all. i’m seven years old and sixteen and twenty nine and seventy. I can’t tell when i'm happy. I think the only thing that will make me happy is to be little again. i want to be really old. i go to the ocean and feel like nothing matters more than that. in my bedroom everything matters so much. I go to the grocery store every day. i know how to cook a lot of things but the only thing i know how to eat is fried eggs. I can take care of myself but i want to be taken care of. i want to go home and I don't know where that is. i think it may be somewhere inside of me but i’m not sure

Writers need to understand the fundamental difference between a woman who chooses to reject femininity for themselves versus a woman who tries to reject femininity for all women and belittles and mocks any women who choose to be feminine. Femininity is not the enemy. The problem is the lack of agency that prevents women from choosing whether they want to be traditionally feminine or not. Attacking and totally rejecting femininity only upholds the notion that masculinity and men are superior. Women who cut their hair short, wear pants, don't want to have kids, and know how to use a sword or a gun can and should coexist with women who wear dresses, enjoy makeup and jewelry, and spend most of their time in the domestic sphere. The idea that these two kinds of women negate or impede the other defeats the entire purpose of feminism, which is CHOICE and AGENCY. Instead of vying for a world where women have to reject femininity to be considered strong, create a world where women have the choice to fall anywhere they want on the spectrum.

You have to feel your best to perform your best. You can be the hardest fucking worker in the room but if you feel like shit inside, you’ll struggle to reach the levels you’re working hard for.

Get your heart right.

Get your environment right.

Get your mind right.

Then put in the work. 

re: terms of endearment, the tibetan nyingdu-la, which translates roughly to “most honored poison of my heart” - the translation being im sure only a fraction as breathtaking as it is in tibetan - haunts me day in and day out

Being ace and being a lesbian is a very unique experience. Like, I’m exclusively attracted to women. Women are works of Art. But I have no desire to do anything sexual.

I just want to wake up every morning next to my beautiful wife and spend each day getting to hug her and make her coffee every morning and maybe feed chickens together while holding hands. I want to make her bread and bake her favorite pie becuase I love her So Much but I don’t have to have sex with her to make me feel loved.

I feel like love is a hot coffee on a cold day made by your favorite person and when they smile all you want to do is stare forever. The sun could explode and you wouldn’t be able to tell because they’re brighter than the sun anyway.

I know for me the sun is a woman. I don’t want to fuck the sun.

Edit: Trans women are women so like, no TERFs. Y’all already took the word “radical” which was awesome in its own right, y’all don’t get this.