There Is A Group Of People I Play Multiplayer Mtg With, But As A Competent Deckbuilder Who Is Not Dating

There is a group of people I play multiplayer mtg with, but as a competent deckbuilder who is not dating any of them I am cast into this role I have dubbed "The vizier". Meaning, I am, by this definition, the clear villain, but must advise players and alert them to the schemes my keen eyes spot across tables to survive.

"You must listen to me closely. I hold not threat to you. I am mearly trying to survive... I may be gaining counters, but he is one card away from completing his combo. You must fear the squirrels my lord, do not be deceived. They plot for your demise"

"Do not listen to his pleas of innocence. He carries with him the means for colorless mana. The stench of the eldrazi. You must end him before he becomes a threat not just for you, but the whole kingdom"

"think carefully with your target of banishment my lord. When have I harmed you? What is a single lifepoint between friends? But there across the board lies a much greater target! I ask you, what use would a man such as him have for double strike?