9 Technically? But Also 4 Or 3 Or Even An Only Child. The Joys Of Being Adopted But Still Having A Relationship

Okay now someone write the filthiest AO3 fanfic about this situation thanks 🙏

~if you see us in the club we'll be acting real nice~

Voldemort: *showing up to a DE meeting with puncture marks everywhere*

Death Eater: My Lord! You fought with vampires!?

Voldemort: *flashback to that morning when he forgot to put warming charms on his snakes the night before AND locked them out of his bedroom so they all converged upon him in revenge* 

Voldemort: Yes

Parseltongue & Tom Riddle

I really need to see more fics with snakes being assholes and Tom having to suffer because they refuse to leave him alone. 

You can’t tell me on a cold night 20 something snakes wouldn’t stick to Tom like glue. 

Or the cat equivalent of sitting on your face while your asleep and suffocating you with fur. AKA noodle boi accidentally wrapping around his neck too tight. 

And snakes do not know boundaries:

Snake: damn it’s cold 

Tom: *minding his business*  

Snake: ah-ha! *shoots up Tom’s pant leg just a touch too far*

Tom: *shrieks* MOTHERFU-!

Trans man Alastor who has never really worried about the possibility of getting pregnant bc a) very low interest in sexual activity in general, b) extremely minuscule pool of people he'd let touch him that way, and c) sinners aren't supposed to be able to procreate. What he and Lucifer don't know, the first time they fall in bed together, is that Lucifer, being an angel, can bypass the whole 'sinners can't have children' thing. That's how Charlie was born from Lilith, after all.

This results in a huge shit storm with the Vs trying to take advantage of Alastor's more vulnerable state, Heaven freaking out about Lucifer creating more angelic spawn in hell and potentially making demonkind even more powerful, and Alastor trying to strangle Lucifer once the test comes back positive.

👀

Sinners Become Human | Hazbin Hotel AU

Concept: For one week every month, the sinners of hell take on their human forms and all the good and bad that comes with it.

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Once The Extermination is postponed till further notice, Charlie and Emily work to get sinners interested in redemption.

Unfortunately, they are unsuccessful and they have no idea how to convince sinners to take a chance and better themselves to get into Heaven.

The former humans (Angel, Husk, Alastor, Niffty) at the Hotel attempt to cheer her up by explaining human nature and how Hell and their demonic forms only exacerbate the disconnect from their humanity and make it more difficult to want to do good things.

And that gives her an idea. She can't change Hell itself (yet) when no one will work with her but she CAN bridge the gap...

In place of the Extermination, sinner demons will take on their human forms one week in every month. They will have no access to their powers, deals, or contracts during this duration.

And if you're killed as a human, you can't respawn until the week is over.

Sera and Lucifer are forced to work together once Emily & Charlie enthusiastically propose the idea. And sinners all over Hell wonder what fresh torture this is and if they should consider Heaven just to escape this bullshit.

An exploration of morality, community, perseverance, and what it means to be human. Exploring the concept of dehumanization and how sinners unintentionally view themselves and their fellow demons as less than human because of their demonic forms.

I will read a thousand fics with this trope. It’s hilarious every single time. My favorite has to be Dermabrasion by pennydaniels

have a silly drabble since I’m still unsure if the tags work properly yet ~

The idea of adult Dabi actually meeting Shoto is so insanly funny to me, like;

Dabi’s had Shoto built up as this perfect Enji 2.0 in his head his whole life, a cocky little shit who’s insanly powerful and pretty and popular and better than him in any way, and god he hates him for it!

But, they somehow meet, and somehow they have to work together for something, (let’s say it’s a league as vigilantes au or smt), and Dabi is like, side-eyeing him super hard, being short and harsh towards him, expecting Shoto to do the same, but no

Sweet, dense Shoto doesn’t even pick up on it, he’s just like

«yes, yes, I heard you are my brother and I must say it is nice you are not dead after all, now, shall we do what we need to do?»

and Dabi is just like…

«is this motherfucker being funny? is he trying me???»

Shoto is, of course, just doing his thing, and Dabi slowly realizes as they go, and while they do the mission they’re supposed to, Dabi is slowly coming to terms with the fact that he’s spent the last 16-17 years feeling threatened by this unaware little bean of a boy, and it is leading him to a full blown existentional crisis.

Shoto, however. just thinks they had a nice time together ☺️🥰

Jason: *picks up a hitchhiker*

After a few miles...

Hitchhiker: Aren't you afraid that I might be a serial killer?

Jason: Nah, the odds of two serial killers being in the same car is highly unlikely.

Al's dad does the dad thing where Alastor will tell him about something he likes and his dad will say nothing, do the 'hmmm' sound, and then buy him that thing multiple times for the next several years.

Alastor, the Radio Demon: ...

His Dad: hmmm

*buys a shit ton of radios and radio equipment, a lot of them duplicates of eachother, some of it unusable*

Alastor: I already have this model.

His Dad: So? Keep it 'cause it's gonna be worth a shit ton of money when you hit retirement age!

Alastor: I- I'm over hundred years old already?!

Alastor's Father

WARNING: period-typical racism, WW1, race-based murder

I see a lot of fics where Alastor's dad is a piece of shit and abusive, but I'd love to see one where Al's dad actually loves and cares for his family but was taken from them when Alastor was too young to remember much about him.

Maybe he died as a soldier in WW1 or made it back to the US only to be killed some other way. If he was black, then those odds go way up unfortunately.

We don't know much about Al's parents but if it's still canon that he's creole, then that means at least one of his parents has black ancestry. A lot of the fics I've seen give him a black mom/white dad, but I think it would be interesting if both his parents were mixed too.

Anyway, what I'm getting at is if Al's dad was killed when he was still little, then they wouldn't recognize each other in hell now would they?

Al's dad sure does love his family, but everyone else can fuck off. And ooh boi did he earn his place in hell trying to protect them, not that heaven cared about his motives.

The second he finds out Alastor the Radio Demon is his baby boy? Hell hath no fury like a protective parent. He doesn't give a flying fuck about the atrocities Alastor has caused, that's his baby and no one is going to hurt him while he's not double-dead.

YALL

MY BBS ARE COMING BACK AHHHH

Bonus: for you + your S/O

Amorpho Whomst? (DC x DP)

Everyone knows that King Phantom's appearance fluctuates based on his mood and the task ahead.

Dynamic battle, working in a team to achieve the impossible? King Phantom is a young boy of 14, quippy despite the inherent sadness of a child ghost.

Showboating, standing in front of a powerful enemy to tell them that "No, Earth is already occupied." or to a ghost: "You've taken it too far this time." And King Phantom is a huge man with red eyes and hair that flickered like candleflame.

And if the mission was sabotage and espionage, sneaking into fortresses previously impregnable? King Phantom is a girl, even more unsettlingly young than the first.

Danny has no idea why everyone has so much trouble keeping the three of them straight - constantly referencing events that happened while he was on sabbatical from JLA work. However, Danny does appreciate that because technically all three of them are technically the same person that the King workload can be spread out a bit - those realms are infinite after all.