The Saddest Moment Is Going To Self Harm And Realising You Have To Look For Clean Skin To Cut...

academia aesthetics by university major

Literature

Losing yourself in whimsy, drifting somewhere parallel to reality. Passionate, frenzied writing in the heart of the night. Drinking the moonlight. Love letters lost between moments. Birdsong. Quiet looks, filled with meaning. Opinions you don’t speak out loud. Chopin’s Nocturnes.

Classics

A glint in the eye, like they know something you don’t. Books in different languages, scattered across every surface. Red wine, and blood, and secrets. Spirits stirred by the glorious weight of eras past, tongue heavy with the words of dead men. Marble busts of Greek philosophers. Reality dulling against the music of myth.

Philosophy

Milky tea and introspective mornings. Sun filtering gently into a quiet room. Reading in nature, sinking into the sound of the wind, birds or water. Margins filled with annotations. Long, grand hallways and the echo of footsteps. Conversations that last for hours, but feel like minutes. 

Sciences

Notebooks filled with scattered calculations, terms, and theories, partnered with small pieces of flora and miscellaneous clippings. ‘Eureka’ moments. Wild eyes and chewed lips. Lying awake all night, your head buzzing with ideas. Piles of meticulous notes. Hunching over desks in dim lamplight. The feeling of puzzle pieces fitting together. The smallness of humanity, and the vastness of existance.

Fine Art/Art History

Huge, baroque ballrooms with renaissance paintings on the ceilings. Staring up at them until the real world dissolves and the images spin around you. Early spring. Foxes in the snow. Classical music. Vintage teacups, and slow blinks. Laughter covered by fingers. Dancing where no-one can see you. 

Political Science

Fast strides and black coffee. Enthusiastic debates with peers, and discussions with your professor. Pages and pages of notes, scrawled so hastily they’re almost illegible. Running through the night, laughing with friends and going places you shouldn’t. A cunning smile from across a room.

History

Grand old buildings, shadowed with age and brimming with secrets. Old, rusty daggers. Tentative hands and determined eyes. Fingers stained with nicotine and ink. Old books and letters, shrouded in dust, that no-one’s read in a hundred years. Touching the pages, and understanding what it was to be alive in another time, seeing what they saw and feeling what they felt.

(dm to request a major for part two)

Constellations. A fourteen weeks course in descriptive astronomy. 1870.

Internet Archive

That’s my problem: I think too much and I feel too deeply. What a dangerous combination

you made me feel like i was not enough

like i always need to pretend to be someone else

someone you wanted me to be

someone you would like to be friends with

even if you didn’t you it on purpose , this stayed with me till now

i will never walk through the valley of my personality without looking back, on this shadow. Scar that you left on my heart. Fear that’s going to follow me into the darkest days, just to give me opportunity to arise

from hellfire i walked through again

"I used to lie in bed at night and cry my eyes out. But lately it's like I'm numb. I want to cry, but unfortunately the tears no longer drop."

— notes from the girl who lost herself

you and me, we are easy there are no games, no hidden agendas we looked at each other on that special day when you finally kissed me and we both knew we had to risk it and jump because it just felt right nothing ever felt as natural as being with you for you are my home you make me smile as much as I’ve never did before  I never knew that it would be possible  to love someone without being hurt at the same time to find someone who actually wants to stay  someone who tells me that I deserve to be loved  I wanted to thank you for being you  for holding me at 3AM when I wake up from a nightmare and telling me that everything is alright  thank you for letting me love you in all my strange ways when I am getting overwhelmed by all those beautiful feelings inside of me  sometimes I just can’t believe how lucky I am and you know I get anxious about little things because now and then my past takes me by surprise and there are days when I can’t verbally tell you how much you mean to me  but if you look into my eyes, you will always see the truth  my whole body is filled with love for only you and if you just hold me, everything is fine  you are my remedy you are my safe haven  I love you 

- for V

Nina Simone performing on a TV show filmed at BBC Television Centre in London, 1966. 

Photos by David Redfern

Girls love each other like animals. There is something ferocious and unself-conscious about it. We don't guard ourselves like we do with boys. No one trains us to shield our hearts from each other. With girls, it's total vulnerability from the beginning. Our skin is bare and soft. We love with claws and teeth and the blood is just proof of how much. It's feral.

And it's relentless.

Leah Raeder, Black Iris

the nine muses but dark academia

clio

plays her own music on the guitar, she sometimes covers lorde’s songs, knows random history facts, shows particular interest in english history, speaks latin and ancient greek, drinks tea three times a day, introverted, lights candles when studying

euterpe

speaks italian, plays multiple instruments, though the flute is her favourite, good with animals, wears turtlenecks and golden jewellery, doesn’t like people, doesn’t respect people who have no general knowledge, wants to attend the milan conservatory

thalia

has great humour, sometimes sarcastic, favourite book is vile bodies by evelyn waugh, great at math and wants to be an architect, vegan, she only trusts herself, listens to gang of youths, goes to art museums all the time

melpomene

thalia is her best friend even though they are complete opposites, sees life as a tragedy, has read all of shakespeare’s works, rhetoric speech is her way to express herself, her dream is to be an actress, deep blue sweaters and beige cigarette pants are her favourite things to wear

terpsichore

a great dancer, does ballroom dancing and ballet, plays the harp, goes to her favourite café to write music, doesn’t use her phone, writes in fountain pens only, speaks only when spoken to, daydreams about her university years and can’t wait to find the university she’s going to attend’s library and spend hours in it

erato

hopeless romantic, though still very dark academia-ish, secretly a matchmaker, coffee addict, listens to hozier and debussy (weird combination but she loves it), also listens to ballet music, reads all day every day, wants to major in english lit, writes poetry when she isn’t reading

polymnia

wants to take linguistics, her biggest pet peeve is people who don’t speak correctly (naturally, she corrects them all the time), studies to podcasts, great at debates and is interested in politics, strong opinions about everything and is not afraid to speak her mind, bi

ourania

reads tarot cards, great at astrophysics and wants to study the subject in uni, first thing she asks when meeting someone is what their zodiac is, silk blouses and golden jewellery (rings mostly), has a moon journal, favourite song that isn’t anything lana del ray is drops of jupiter

calliope

natural leader, writes and reads odes, her favourite thing to read is odes by horace, quotes the illiad and odyssey, adventurous, sometimes thinks of creative ways to commit murder, wears dark colours, has friends from all around the world and lots of pen pals, visits old buildings way too often

October Magical Dates and Astrological Transits

Welcome to the most fantastic month of the year! My birthday month Halloween month!! We are sandwiched between two powerful full moons that will take us on a journey deep within ourselves to find where our energies could be suppressed, where we feel oppressed and how we can empower and transform ourselves. Each major celestial event feels like part of a chapter of self discovery and empowerment that leaves us shedding away what we no longer need and having to transform ourselves to evolve into an elevated new level.

As usual I will make additional posts on some important days as they come but below is the full month of October!

—-

Week 28 - 4

1st - ☾♈ Full moon in Aries Happy Lunar Festival to those who celebrate it!

We kick off October with a full moon!! The fact that this month is framed by full moons and full of transits that force us to confront our buried emotions sets the tone for October and for us to make peace with our shadow sides.

This moon is very special for a number of reasons as it’s the Harvest Moon (the full moon near the Autumnal Equinox) and it’s the Aries full moon which packs a lot of power. The Aries full moon often asks us to step aside and focus on our needs and goals especially in relation to our partnerships or what we may contribute to a relationship. This full moon may be an aggressive presence in rocky relationships where people’s needs may erupt to the surface if they are not being met or honored by their partner.

This fiery moon will be conjunct Mars rx and Chiron in Aries merging our unresolved childhood traumas with our repressed energy and motivations that the mars retrograde brings. Full moons can be cathartic and this can demand us to bring release to what we may have buried away. Challenges can trigger our deep emotions that may get expressed through explosive anger, yet it’s a time to take note of what those feelings are and try to heal by making healthy decisions that honor our feelings. This moon will also trine Venus in Leo which will help to smooth it out and bring a pleasant vibe to it’s energy. Venus does want to have harmony and trines love unions so in the realm of relationships this can bring a moment of peace or compromise and a window to discuss anything that needs to be addressed in relationships. Finally this full moon may feel intense with the squares coming from Jupiter rx, Saturn and Pluto rx in Capricorn. We may feel burdened by our responsibilities, restrictions (especially with Covid regulations), the powers that be that are constantly avoiding reform. This can also add to the tension of the mars conjunction and feelings of repressed anger or suppressed energy. We will be craving release. It’s a good time to focus on how we can redirect our energies to honor our needs especially in relation to our inner child and what needs we were neglecting before. Full moons are great for release and attraction magic so you can use the energy to draw your new reality towards you, however if you are feeling the frustrations of the squares, take a moment to do some visualization meditation to really ground the energy and emotions of the reality you want. Try to avoid going into manifestation carrying that frustration or else it can seep into the reality you are trying to attract your way. With the moon in Aries, it’s a great evening for fire-based magic. Candle magic goes well with attraction and manifestation spells.

Keep reading