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I run after him in the cold winter, my laboured breaths creating clouds of steam in the air. A smoke threatening to choke me and blind me and eat me alive. “Don’t walk away from me!” I shout at his back, my voice cracking at the end. He freezes. His fists clench and he stands there, turned away from me. “Don’t walk away from me. Please” I whimper again. He suddenly spins around, eyes red and tears streaming down his cheeks. My heart cracks. “you don’t get to ask that of me” he finally mutters brokenly “you. Do not. Get to ask anything of me!” he repeats louder now, getting in my face. I stand there, sinking and sinking until I wonder if the concrete below me is sucking me in or if his presence is a tornado itself. “You are breaking me. No, you are absolutely annihilating my heart” he whispers with so much emotion that I can see the cracks in his eyes. His hands hold my shoulders desperately and all I want to do is sink in them but all I can do is frantically shake my head while sobbing.  “You crashed into my life,” he goes on “you flipped my world upside down. I gave you my heart. I GAVE YOU MY HEART” he laughs, sounding nothing lie the boy I used to know. “the best part is, I never knew I could have something like what we had. I never knew it existed.” A scoff, he suddenly sneers. “you should have never come into my life. You can’t miss what you never had. But now. Now you have destroyed me. And I will never be the same again” still shaking my head I beg, “please. I-I can’t tell you,” I stop to stifle a sob. “I can’t tell you why I shut you out but you have to trust me. You mean everything to me. You mean the world to me and I can’t I can’t I can’t see you like this. It is killing me please stop please stop feeling like this I can’t breathe and you’re standing there and it hurts it hurts so god damn much because your pain is my pain so stop!” taking in a deep breath, I finally look him in the eye and tell him the truth.

currently sobbing at the bus stop

"...You think things would have been different, if I'd been here?"

"I don't know." No, that's not true. He knew how it could've ended, maybe he would've ran away with Todd the night when his parents are asleep, or they could've called Mr. Keating to get them away. So many possibilities yet none took place. "Maybe."

They stand there, for another moment, the wind whispering across the ocean the only sound.

There's nothing left to say. There's everything left to say, and Neil's already wasted every chance to say it. It's too late for redemption, too late for forgiveness. Too late.

Todd's the first to move. He turns away, takes a step towards Charlie and the others.

Looks back, just once.

"Goodbye, Neil."

He doesn't respond.

He doesn't look back as Todd's footsteps recede, as the telltale hum of the portal spikes, once, and then falls silent.

They're gone.

He's alone.

"Goodbye," Neil whispers to the wind. --- pss @aedan-mills @impressedcauliflower @zeegy @inahallucination @nik-knacks

"...anyone who really knows mankind might say that there is not one single living human being who does not despair a little, who does not secretly harbour an unrest, an inner strife, a disharmony, an anxiety about an unknown something or a something he dare not even try to know, an anxiety about some possibility in existence or an anxiety about himself..."

— Nizar Qabbani

I just want to be loved, but I don't want to input the burden of my existence onto someone's life when they could be happier without me.

meowmeowmeeowmeowmeowmeoewmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeeowmeowmeowmeoewmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeeowmeowmeowmeoewmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeeowmeowmeowmeoewmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeoweowmeowmeowmeowmeeowmeowmeowmeoewmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeeowmeowmeowmeoewmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeeowmeowmeowmeoewmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeeowmeowmeowmeoewmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeoweowmeow

I used to build dreams about you.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

You watch him walk away, still waiting for him to turn around and say this was all a joke. That he still loves you. That he still wants you. But he keeps walking. Step after step, another kick to your shattered heart. You were going to break down in the middle of this whole room. The tears blur your eyes until you can’t see the gaping faces around you. Everything hurts. Is this what death felt like? Nothing seems to function like it’s supposed to anymore and your knees give out. Strong hands suddenly take a hold of you, supporting all your weight and bringing shivers to your skin. You’re not sure what pathetic noise you make because suddenly his lips are at your ear whispering “shhh angel, you’re ok. I’ve got you. I’m going to lead you outside now.” The familiar voice shocks you enough to look up and you see your enemy look down at you with a suspiciously gentle look. Too tired and broken to care, you let him move you until you feel him sit down and pull you into his lap, cradling you.  You weren’t sure if this was some cruel joke for him but you figure there’s nothing left of you for him to break. So, you sit there with him, face buried in his neck, devastation tearing through your soul. “I’ll kill him for hurting you.” Surprised, you lift your head to see if he’s joking, but all you find is fire and dark promise in his eyes, one that shouldn’t reassure you so much but does anyways. His thumb comes up to swipe your tears and he leans forward to press a soft kiss on your brow. “Don’t waste your tears on him, Angel. He doesn’t deserve them. Let alone your heart.” You let out a broken laugh and whisper, voice cracking, “well its too fucking late for that isn’t it. I gave it to him and he caged it. Ruined it.” A flicker of wrath crossed his face, a look that could bring gods to their knees. “I’ll steal it back for you my love,” he replied so softly that you barely heard him. “I’ll steal it back for you and then rip his out of his chest for every time he clipped your beautiful angel wings.” Kissing my tear-stained cheek, he tells me, “You’re free now baby. Free for me to take.” Your eyes widen at his last statement and terror shoots through you as you start to feel drowsy. The last thing you see before slipping into oblivion is his cunning smirk and cold eyes.