If You're Queer, Did You Realize It Before High School?

Me, refusing to leave tumblr: sir, this is my emotional support hellsite

Hey uhm wheel what are you trying to tell me

THE AROACE PERSON GOT PARENTHOOD WHAT

spin this wheel of fanfic tags. this will be the theme of your day tomorrow.

<- Day 27: Love| Day 28: Future

Ok unpopular opinion BUT

I'd rather see Loop look like the wonderful star they are and find a new party/family to call their own post-game.

Loop still looking like a star is, admittedly, mostly because I can't imagine Loop as anything else. Loops the star! My lil star! But also I think Loop deserves to love who they are. Who they are is a star. And I think if they became a human, no matter what they did, they would look into the mirror and staring back at them would not be Loop, but Siffrin. I want them to look at themselves and at least go 'this looks like me. No one else but me.' Maybe in the future they change, but not until they can control the change themselves. Not until Loop learns who they are. Loop has been forcibly changed so much, taken apart and reformed to match someone else's desires or needs or wants, and I think they deserve to shape themselves. To be able to one day look in the mirror and see them. Whoever that may be.

I also want Loop to choose their life. That's kinda why I think Loop should be able to find and make a new family. I feel like if Loop were to acclimate themselves with the original party, they would always, to an extent, feel like they're forcing themselves into a place they don't belong in. Always just there. Always that extra thing Siffrin brought in. Always the poser. The 'fake' Siffrin. Even if they don't know, even if they still love Loop for Loop, that's how it would always feel to them. Because Loop will always feel like they're surrounded by strange and slightly different copies of their family.

I think if they were able to wander on their own, find their own family, I think that the comparison would be able to stop one day, or at least not hurt as much anymore. Loop won't be constantly surrounded by a reminder of what they lost and what could've been, they'll be constantly surrounded by the fact that despite everything, they are still loved. They are still loved as Loop, as their own person with their own emotions and heart and reactions. They won't feel the scrutinizing stares of people who keep trying to figure out why Loop seems so familiar and different at the same time. They can just be Loop. They can relearn love and open up on their own terms and become something more than the Universes designated failure and helper for Siffrin.

And maybe one day, after Loop changes, now feels like their own person, and is surrounded by their own family, one who knows of their story and past, one who loves so warmly and gently it let's the the wounds of being someone else fade, they'll run into Siffrin again. Yet this time, there is no lingering animosity, there is no pain in feeling like an accessory to them, a side character in what was supposed to be their story. Now, it's the nostalgia of seeing someone who survived hell with you. They can sit and talk together about their own families and travels and they get to just be two people in the Universe chatting happily. Loop sees the others come towards Siffrin and the sting of pain they used to feel seeing them is no longer there. Because Loop can still find their happy ending. Loop can still be loved. And Loop knows that now.

I just want Loop to be loved and feel it and to be able to accept that love fully instead of having the hanging shadows of their past as Siffrin taunt them.

I am going to eat this entire candy cane.

IT’S NOT ‘PEEKED’ MY INTEREST

OR ‘PEAKED’

BUT PIQUED

‘PIQUED MY INTEREST’

THIS HAS BEEN A CAPSLOCK PSA

Not normally where I post my art but I finished a rough design for Atsushi in my Love Can End Even This Pain fanfic, an AU both lovingly and very uncreatively dubbed the Mentor!Chuuya AU where Chuuya finds and takes Atsushi in instead of Dazai

Below the cut is my re-written design notes and some other thoughts I have on him in this!

Design Notes:

-Atsushis black streaks are way more obvious in this AU than they are in canon

-His hair in general is also both fluffier and longer because he’s a tiger why wouldn’t he be blessed with the floof and I also just like drawing the floof

-Atsushis color palette leans into more colors while also still being pretty muted. In future plans he will have an outfit with his classic black and white combo, but that’s a spoiler so gotta wait for that one ^^

-Chuuya stitched a little tiger decoration on his sleeve for shits and giggles when he noticed how much Atsushi wore that shirt specifically (note; this builds on my hc for Chuuya that he knows how to sew from his time in Suribachi with the Sheep; I’ll expand on that when I draw Chuuya design!)

-I hc Atsushi having some sensory issues, so his clothes as a whole are pretty baggy so they don’t rub against his skin. I also hc Atsushi as being someone who likes to have himself pretty covered when given the choice, so he gets a shirt underneath his short sleeve one

-Probably me projecting my own love of boots onto him, but Atsushi almost always wears a pair of military style boots. In my defense, they’re pretty practical for his fighting style

-He keeps pocket watch on him! This is due to his past at the orphanage and a little something I’m excited to write in the fic that happens later on

Gen Thoughts on him:

-In this, Atsushi is more skilled in fighting than in canon because of Chuuya training him. So, he’s also more muscular too

-In one of the chapters I touch on Atsushi having binge eating disorder, and this was one of my major hcs of his. His past really builds up on this, as well as his larger than life appetite. As Atsushi recovers from it, I imagine he would be more of a snacker. Just always eating something small while still having his regular meals. If I’m being honest, I don’t intend for him to fully recover from his general food anxiety since a part of the hc is him not understanding when he actually is hungry, so he is muscular but also skinnier than normal

-I’m also going to be making him a lot less naive. His environment would shift his morals pretty drastically imo, with them becoming more similar to Chuuya in a ‘I won’t fight unless you pick one with me, but start it and I won’t hesitate’ way. I will, however, be keeping his no killing moral code in place for the most part. In general, Atsushi condones violence more than he does in canon though

-Very tiny and another general hc of mine but he loves music. Almost always listening to it and has heard some of every genre. Several pairs of earbuds and headphones no doubt

-In case you haven’t read the fic yet (please do ik I’m slow to update but I do hold a lot of love for it), Chuuya gives Atsushi a white tiger plush named Shiro. Atsushi likes to hug him every night because the plush reminds him he’s not alone. Atsushi will also sometimes stare at Shiro while talking to Byakko in his head. Byakko does not appreciate being visualized as a toy, but Atsushi figures out how to brush him off pretty quickly.

Reblogging so it can go into the magic archive of writing ideas.

If anyone can give me good fic recs about Fukazawa and Ranpo being father and son or anything about Dazai and Atsushi and/or Akutagawa’s complicated big brother/little brother relationship I will give you 2 donuts 🍩🍩

Kall's Valentine

I am so sorry.

Tonight is gonna be the Loneliest...

Happy Valentine's Day.

Now that you got this far you can go back from the start with another feeling... Closing Valentine's Day posts with tears, so glad I can share the angst with you all. And the perfect song for it too. 💙

I'm curious. Reblog this if you know how to cook

I don’t even care if it’s macaroni, ramen or those little bowls you stick in the microwave. Please, I need reassurance that most of the population on tumblr WOULDN’T STARVE TO DEATH if their parents couldn’t fix them food or they couldn’t go out to eat.