Eat An Entire Can Of Sweetened Condensed Milk. You Deserve It.

we could go back to telegraphs instead of social media. send your mutuals unspeakable strings of morse code at 4:30am

such a thing as freedom

Whoops, wrong parent.

He sure did

It was another bestie's birfday today and she really likes Capitano, so here he be!

in these trying times i believe we all need some fun league of villains shenanigans :')

鼻気に食わんかったから修正した

yesterday i went to a party and i kissed this girl and she kept trying to give me her linkedin and i was like ...LINKEDIN? and she said yes linkedin. so i said i dont use linkedin. do you have instagram though. and she was like yes i do have instagram. you should add me on linkedin. and i said i dont use linkedin. and she said i will add you on linkedin. and i said girl give me your instagram you are NOT flirting with me through linkedin. and she was like. ok. fine. here's my instagram then. and gave me her instagram, which she clearly uses a lot, so it wasnt even that she only uses linkedin but rather that she just wanted to talk to me through linkedin specifically. fascinating woman if i wasnt already attracted to her her unwavering loyalty to linkedin wouldve drawn me in for sure

It's funny how suddenly brutal the 2012 turtles become after the foot stop using people, like they could prob kill someone out of habit of killing robots so often

Me: *looking at a porcelain hand in the home decor aisle of a store* if I lost my hands in some kind of tragic accident, I’d decorate my entire home with hand-shaped things. Then I’d invite guests over for like, dinner parties and such and sit there expectantly just basking in their discomfort.

My boyfriend: Do you hear what you say when you talk? Do you know what you just said to me?

Squidward clocking out of the Krusty Krab and heading to the nearest gay after hours event