Aufanim - ☆☆☆

👼ophanim is finally in my store! 👼

Luke Gilford spent four years immersing himself in LGBTQ+ rodeo culture – and discovered a world where steer-roping meets lip-sync battles and camp glamour

Taxi Driver (1976) dir. Martin Scorsese

Loneliness has followed me my whole life, everywhere. In bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, everywhere. There's no escape. I'm God's lonely man.

my letterboxd :)

i love horror so much i love when it’s so garbage that you can’t help but laugh at it and i love when it’s the pretentious film major type of horror where nothing happens for two hours and i love when it’s so mediocre you can’t form an opinion on it and i love when it absolutely doesn’t make sense

Something I find fascinating about Roman Roy is that while he has this stock facade that he projects a lot of the time, he heavily bases his personality around who he's with and what they're doing. Like his siblings have very strong personalities which is why they clash with so many people including their father, but Roman so desperately wants to be liked that he will completely disrupt himself to make things easier for other people.

He's known for being immature, but when Logan spills his coffee or Kendall relapses he becomes The Mature One and immediately fills the caretaker role, cleaning up or driving home. He's known for being obnoxious, but when he's alone with his dad he becomes The Obedient Son and defers to him on everything, getting quiet and following whatever direction he is given and even becoming nervous when asked for his opinion. He's known for being kind of dumb, but he's put in a meeting with investors and, sure he'll still be kind of goofy, but only to lighten the mood while he's making actual points about business and equity and he's generally very good at it. When he sees someone in trouble or in pain he'll become very serious and ask if they're okay, his jokes become gentler. Even with Siobhan he enters a slightly different brand of Jokester, becoming more childish than crude, because he's filling the role of Annoying Brother, which is something she needs since she's surrounded by conflict that actually has real world impact. Here's a bit of conflict that doesn't mean anything and lets her be a little immature as well. He bends himself to fill whatever role is left open and do what he thinks people need him to do.

And it's in moments like therapy or later at Connor's house when there's people in conflict when he almost disappears. He'll just steps back, no jokes, no conflict resolution, you almost forget he's in the scene at all. Why? Because any role he chooses will put him in direct conflict of a different role and therefore put him in danger.

And mixed with all that conflicting behaviour he's also got these conflicting perceptions about himself. He thinks he's dumb, he thinks he's smart, he thinks he's funny, he thinks he's annoying, he thinks he's capable, he thinks he's worthless, etc etc. and he'll play up the good perceptions trying to drown out the bad ones which only results in reaffirming the bad ones in his mind. He tries to be funny so now he's being annoying. He tries to be smart but overestimates and winds up seeming dumb. And when other people expect him to be something he'll be it because it's what's most likely to make them want him around. And it's what's most likely to protect him from getting hit.

You can see the conflict especially in that scene during the vote of no confidence because he's got two conflicting expectations thrown at him. Kendall expects him to vote in favour because that's the role he plays for Kendall, and Logan expects him to vote against because that's the role he plays for Logan. And he winds up going with Logan both because Kendall isn't in the room and therefore isn't as immediate an expectation and also because consequences from Logan would be worse. But until coming to that conclusion he does what he always does with conflict and tries to be as small as possible so they don't notice he isn't engaging. He tries not to pick a role because that would be dangerous. He doesn't allow himself to have a real opinion because he's expected to have a very particular one and play a very particular role in the conflict, so he winds up picking Logan's role over Kendall's role only because he doesn't have a choice.

Roman grew up with his father, his mother, his brother and his sister, all of whom are shown repeatedly to have powerful opinions and identities, and are shown to be in constant conflict. Roman isn't the youngest, but it's close enough and he's small enough that he probably grew up as a sort of emotional punching bag. The way to avoid this? Don't get involved in the conflict. If someone has an opinion, agree with it. If someone needs something done, do it. Fill the empty roles and become what's expected of you. What happens when there are multiple conflicting expectations? Fill them all. Swap em out. And if you can't then get the hell out of the way.

Roman only puts up the boisterous, slimy facade when it's safe, when there's no expectations or consequences. It's less an attitude of actually wanting to be that person and more taking the chance to get attention and stretch his metaphorical muscles while he's out of the crosshair. The second a role opens up? Facade dropped, Roman takes it.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Directed by Tobe Hooper (1974)

Salem’s Lot

Photography Nathaniel Goldberg

The Face

character design observation i had just now .

THOT SHIT (2021) by Megan Thee Stallion / FIGHT CLUB (1999) dir. David Fincher

you’re in a panic room with a beautiful boy and he won’t tell you that he wants to work in another department, but he wants to work in another department and you feel like he’s breaking up with you so you start throwing water bottles at him