May I Humbly Suggest

I feel like I need to bring this post to my therapist so we can work out why I am solely attracted to moody daddies.

Oh no, they’d get along perfectly. If anything, Lucifer comes to him for advice.

Lucifer: I like someone what should I do?

Jumin: Hmm, have you considered locking them away? A cage would be preferred—

Lucifer: *taking notes* ...And of course, I don’t embrace my feelings. I let this emotion fester and die.

Jumin: *nods* Obviously.

oh god, they bond over wine and music and then bounce ideas off of each other on how to deal with emotions without actually dealing with them 💀

I got it for both PS4 and PC, and the PS4 version is way smoother for some reason. Still love it.

Also I’m really disappointed I don’t get cyber enhanced genitals, at least not to the point I’m at in the game. :(

Gonna be loosing my life to Cyberpunk2077 as soon as it downloads, can't wait 😂🤘🏻 hahaha

Pro tip! Make a 1:1 solution of water and white vinegar and spray it on the pee spot. The vinegar should react with the ammonia in the urine and help neutralize the smell.

Mum and I let a stray cat into the house just now and he pissed on the curtain so we’ve been frantically trying to cover up the smell so Dad doesn’t tell us off.

I sprayed the scene of the crime with a load of dettol but now the whole room smells of that which is even more suspicious.

So I said to Mum: “what if he questions why it smells like a toilet in here now?”

To which she replied: “We’ll just tell him you farted so I had to light the candles but they weren’t enough.”

THANKS MUM

God damn it, Simeon, I’m a lawyer. My fucking mouth is the least offensive thing about me, I fucking promise.

I’m glad Obey Me isn’t real because Simeon would hate me for how much I swear

Unbothered MC

When I get yelled at by opposing counsel, I just stare blankly at them and say “okay” repeatedly til they feel stupid. It’s amazing would recommend 10/10.

You know that in-game scene where we danced with Lucifer in his demon form and he almost crushed our hand? Well, if there was an in-game option, I would've kicked him in his groin for threatening me & almost breaking my hand :p

YES!

I was wondering why the options were so tame 😭

Like where’s the option to pick a fight 🤣

Destroy his pride by destroying his ability to produce kids-

Yeah this is a long read but some of y’all need to read it. The OM devs are probably the nicest I’ve ever seen (from mobile games, console games, name it). There are lots of games with elements I don’t like, and I don’t play them. It’s not that hard, y’all.

And I’m going to be spending money on this game, because I want to support the devs and I believe in supporting content creators who make my days marginally less shitty. Like, there are days I spend writing briefs about child abusers, and getting yelled at by my boss, and my husband is furloughed, and I can’t go out and do anything I enjoy because plague, and I can take an hour to myself and hang out with cute demon boys. So leave these awesome people alone.

In regards to people being assholes to the Devs of Obey Me....

This is going to be a long one but I’m pissed.

People need to stop complaining and harassing the devs.... I’m a gamer, I play mobile/pc/console games and NTT Solmare is by far the most generous gaming company I’ve ever come across.

Here’s some examples:

*Every event, if you complete daily tasks, save ten devil points for the 200ap deal you get every 24 hours (which is beyond generous in and of itself) and with a little bit of grinding YOU CAN complete the first page of prizes without spending any actual money. (I do it all the time...)

*By doing so you get ten demon vouchers FOR FREE! As well as an event related SSR card. If there’s a card you want, save the vouchers from a few events. It’s not hard.

*When you do a ten pull, THEY GUARANTEE AN SSR CARD! More apps are starting to do this but it’s not the norm.

*Its ok to lament shitty gacha luck (I have it in spades) but imo obey me has been far more generous in giving special cards than I’ve ever encountered.

*If you were really inclined too, you could spend money on the special event gacha to collect the shards and essentially buy a UR card.

*They give you a FREE option to farm for Grimm, that’s extremely generous. Ive spent literally weeks in other otome games to do the tiny little bit of grinding they allow (for free) daily just to clear checkpoints.

*You get to participate and complete entire story events for FREE. That’s not a norm either...most other otome apps break the story events into different character routes, with a crappy prize. It’s littered with hard to pass checkpoints and you have to buy the epilogue. (They’re not cheap)

*They have FREE daily log in bonuses that give you decent stuff.

*THE BIG ONE.....*clears throat*

THE DEVS FUCKING LISTEN TO THEIR PLAYERS AND CARE ABOUT THEM!!

It blew my damn mind when I first started seeing how much they interact with this fandom!!

*They respond quickly to app issues.

*Literally give you FREE shit and apologize whenever there’s a problem or just when they’re doing fucking maintenance!

*They’ve gone out of their way to apologize and explain content that came across as triggering for some players! On that note they’ve actually went as far to directly correct it in future event stories and lessons! They didn’t have to do it... they did because they care about the players.

*They released art content of the characters specifically so fans could have more reference material when they try their own art!!!

*There is an entire event (Levi’s Otaku Bootcamp) that’s given every few weeks with the sole purpose of giving you free items to help toward leveling up cards!! Also some devil points, AP and a demon voucher!!

If you started the game recently...you’re 👏 NOT 👏supposed 👏to be able to breeze through to lesson 28! You have to farm and grind for card items/Grimm just like the rest of us have and continue to do...

WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT THEM TO HAND YOU?!

Nothing in this world is perfect but it’s clear they are trying hard to please their fans and show appreciation to them.

You know what’s going to happen if everyone doesn’t calm down and appreciate what we have?

You’re going to wear down them down and make them jaded. They won’t take joy in creating content anymore and it’ll drag the game down. And I couldn’t blame them in the slightest.

I’ve seen the way artists and writers get treated in this fandom. I’ve seen some of these brilliant people get so discouraged they delete their social media accounts and stop creating content.

It’s sickening....

It may come as a surprise but the devs, writers and all the staff involved with Obey Me are *gasp* real people too!!! Real people, with real feelings. You don’t think it affects them when you’re attacking them?

There’s a difference between starting a dialogue because you have questions or concerns with the game and then there’s being a prick...

Don’t be a prick....

This is a great game with a fun concept.

So chill the fuck out and give the devs a break. You don’t like the game, don’t play.

But most comedians are hopelessly depressed, so I’m already well-qualified!

As a child I really wanted to be a comedian, but then I realized you have to actually be funny

Anybody who lives in the Southern US probably has seen those Chick Tracts, the comics you find left in gas station bathrooms and liquor stores that tell you how Dungeons and Dragons/Catholics/Muslims/THE GAYS are secretly demonic forces that want to send you to hell forever.

I would pay an unholy amount of money for Jack Chick to return to life, learn that there are people playing a game about dating Lucifer himself, draw a cartoon pamphlet about how evil this all is, and die again of a rage-induced brain bleed.

Then I would use it to make a paper-mache statue of Asmo touching himself.

Or, like, some paper roses, whatever.

So I saw a video on YouTube recently where it was a DIY paper rose. I think it was 5 min crafts but don't quote me on that (I didn't click the video).

But BUT

It got me thinking about an MC who's mad at one of the OM brothers. But of course they still love said brother. Which leads to this:

MC: I made you a paper rose

Brother: Oh, thank y-

MC: It's made out of Bible Paper

Or, alternatively:

MC: It's made out of a pamphlet I got from a church telling me how to rid myself of demons

Yesss I love my big Boomer Daddy Luci! Thank you so much for my matchup! I’m all warm and fuzzy inside now.

See mom I know how to write a thank you note

(Part 1) I only use Tumblr to lurk and I've never done an ask before, so I hope this comes through ok! You're an angel (devil?) for doing matchups, so I thought I'd humbly request one! I'm Nikki, and I'm an old lady by fandom standards. I grew up in the deep South US (NC and New Orleans), and lived in Italy for a while. I wanted to be a linguist when I was younger, and I still love learning foreign languages. I have a degree in French (cont in pt 2)

(part 2) and I'm now a lawyer, because academics don't pay the bills. I work with child abuse victims, which is rewarding. I love to travel, but I can't much because a) I got court to go to and b) I also love animals, and it's hard to find someone who will take care of dogs, guinea pigs, and reptiles all at once. I'm sarcastic, kind of flippant as a defense mechanism. I'm usually the funny friend, but I get sassy when I'm on the whiskey (cont in pt 3) (part 3!) I'm a big fan of nonfiction books, especially about science and history, and historical dramas on Netflix. I love Netflix and chill with my partner, but I am pretty independent, so I like spending time alone traveling, taking care of critters, or working out. My love language is acts of service, so I show I care by cleaning the house or running errands for my man/lady. (last part incoming!) (last part!) My partner needs to be independent, with a dark sense of humor, who doesn't mind me venting about the grisly and/or weird stuff I see at work. I do like a responsible guy, 'cause I don't wanna be your mama and your gf at the same time. He should also be accepting of weird backwoods southern-isms, like buying taxidermy, saying "bless your heart", and listening to Dolly Parton and Rebirth Brass Band. Thanks! I love your blog!

Hello love!

Thank you for sending in a request! awwwww i’m glad to be your first! 

I hope you like the result! 

Okay so lets’ see... I’m kind of torn between Lucifer and Barbatos. 

I decided to match you with Lucifer! 

So i’m going to keep it real with you, I think your southern upbringing would add to this relationship a lot. First I thought it’s super risky to do this but let’s go anyway. I mean I don’t really want to bring religion into this, but we all know their background in the game. 

Lucifer would be very wary with anyone coming from a highly religious area, but sooner or later he would learn about your own perspectives. (since you play the game I assumed you’re not the stereotype being an English major taught me)

It would take him quite some time to share his views with you in depth, honestly you have a better chance at getting anyone else to open up about their past than him. But I think once you get someone else to do it and now you already know briefly whats up, he would just tell you himself. After all he takes buliding a relationship seriously once he is truly interested in someone.

I think your academic career and the fact that you are a lawyer would impress him and after he learns this about you, his respect for you will grow. Which is very important when it comes to Lucifer.

Lucifer had quite a lot of centuries to pick up languages. Although he isn’t speaking them all either (i mean he is a demon how many languages would he really need), he sees the value of being a multilingual human. Just to test you, he would sometimes switch between them.

It is canon that he is supposed to be outgoing as well, were it not for his very limited amount of free time. So he definitely understands your struggles to get away, as he is the most responsible demon in the household. Once in a blue moon he would probably get to have a couple of days off with you though. I’m sure he knows people who’d take care of your animals for a few days. (probably not one of his brothers though.) 

He appreciates a sarcastic s/o as he can be a bit sarcastic as well. Your flippant nature will only turn him on, especially since you are also responsible so flippant attitudes coming from you hit differently. 

Drinking with him is something you probably wouldn’t be able to avoid. I’m sure he would enjoy your sassy nature, he is one of the best at handling that so don’t worry about conflicts.

 I’m sure he would be able to talk in detail about historical events as he was there when it was all written. So this would be a common topic of conversation! in a healthy relationship good conversations are a must, so you two got that down as well. None of you is bored! Also I don’t really see him reading fiction tbh, so you are on the same page. 

Netflix and chill is up on his priority list as well, so again no trouble on either side.  

Lucifer in canon can fall in love with whoever it happens with, but an independent partner makes his life easier. By this I mean that he is usually busy so his partner would be very disappointed if they expected him to entertain them for many hours a day. Sure, he does make time for you so you don’t feel neglected as he wants to be a good partner. At the end of the day he is in love. 

He would definitely appreciate your love language! He always needs a helping hand, although he is usually too full of pride to actually ask for help with big things. So basically you’d probably get to do the easy stuff. 

His love language is affection so hopefully you are prepared for lots of private times! 

Also love language is just something you have to talk about with him, I think for his beloved he is willing to do things he normally wouldn’t. like you need a new dress?? want to hold hands in public?? want some reassurement?? gotcha (ok with some of these he might struggle but he tries so we gotta give him that)

I think he fits into everything you described your wish for a partner. he is mature and respnsible, and don’t worry he has heard and seen some stuff your stories would be hard to compare. 

so he has his own sense of decoration and if you look into his room, some taxidermy is just fine... 👀

hmmm idk about “bless” in his case because of reasons mentioned above but thats a conversation he will have with you

 He is also very keen on music, so thats also a topic to discuss. he is probably more into classicals, but he just wants to learn more about his partner to be able to fully love and understand them. so if it means listening to Dolly Parton, then so be it. 

This chick is about to learn what it means to cross some white trash lady lawyer.

*prepares lock on a sock*

*prepares alienation of affections lawsuit*

*prepares emotional distress lawsuit for Mammon*

She strikes again. Maybe I do wanna meet her, huh?