Is This The Time To Admit That I Dropped A Pat Of Butter On The Ground Tonight And Still Used It To Cook

Okay when we give Mammon the Valentine’s chocolates and he’s like, “you aren’t gonna say something hurtful now, right? Like, pass these on to Levi for me?”

I. DIED.

Baby I could never -

MC: I love you.

Mammon: ... You promise?

I’m sure that there is a demon somewhere who is the Avatar of Florida Man, and he is smiling at this post from hell.

Also, the guy who ran the McMillions scam, Jerry Colombo, literally opened a “Church of the Fuzzy Bunny” in South Carolina which was literally a strip club, so Asmodeus clearly has a simp here on earth (which he apparently shares with Mammon, since Colombo loved him a scam).

om! boys as florida man headlines

now datables + luke here

Lucifer

Mammon

Leviathan

Satan

Asmodeus

Beelzebub

Belphegor

Y’all can go sit in the corner with my husband who used to steal my lighter and now steals my juul AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU’VE DONE.

(jk my forgiveness can be bought in those cute bic lighters with pigs on them)

I'm that annoying friend that steals everyone's lightners too!! *insert spiderman pointing to other spiderman meme here*

YAAAAAY LIGHTER THIEF FRIEND!! 😂💖

Lucifer knows he’s a G6, and I ain’t gonna trade him in for a Nissan.

I love me a (pea)cocky boi.

this was kinda hot tho ngl

*cranks that Carrie Underwood*

TWO BLACK CADILLACS

DRIVING IN A SLOW PARADE

YEAH THEY TOOK TURNS THROWING A ROSE DOWN

THREW A HANDFUL OF DIRT INTO THE COLD GROUND

HE’S NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO HAD A SECRET TO HIIIIIIIIIDE

exuding severe "my husband has died under suspicious circumstances and now, i, the poor grieving widow, have to attend his funeral" vibes

My first post on this lurker-only Tumblr account will be to announce that I am gay hee for Jaehee. Die mad about it.

Reminder that Jaehee Kang is gorgeous, amazing and under appreciated.

Reblog if you agree.

I cannot have children because I envisage the following conversation between myself and their teacher:

Teacher: Little Zeke called Little Polly a “goatfucking twatface” today, do you know where they learned that?

Me: Well, was the bitch playing like a goatfucking twatface? I don’t know what your fucking problem is.

if my son is stealing pies off windowsills its because i taught him to do that bitch 

Beel: who's on dinner duty tonight?

Satan: that would be mammon.

Satan: he should be here right about-

Mammon, dumping out a shopping bag full of Lunchables onto the table: GUESS WHAT WE'RE HAVING FOR DINNER

You can pry my Picrew out of my cold dead hands.

Cold.

Dead.

Hands.

(Picrew me has had enough of your bullshit)

i know people are calling picrews cringe and all but i can not hate the simple joy of making and dressing up a little cartoon person and then looking at it and going “it’s me! :D”

Trolling the absolute shit out of my homophobic and racist in-laws in the group chat

Injecting the boomer tears directly into my veinsss

where were you when joe biden was elected forty-sixth president of the united states