The Goons Rating The Bats And Birds In Gotham.

The Batkids play a game called “Guess Who Bruce Is Disappointed In Today” and it is a bloodsport.

It started as a joke. It is no longer a joke.

Every morning, without fail, one of them walks into the kitchen and says:

“Guess who Bruce is disappointed in today?”

And they all take turns guessing based on crime alerts, nightly patrol rotations, and vibes.

It’s become a system.

It went like:

Jason: “I knocked out a senator by accident. My odds are high.”

Tim: “I drank seventeen Red Bulls and fell asleep on top of the Batcomputer.”

Damian: “I released three bats into Gotham General Hospital as enrichment. They were bored.”

Steph: “I called him ‘Brucie’ in front of a senator.”

Cass: Just raises a finger and shrugs.

Then Bruce walks in, dead silent, pours his coffee, looks at no one, and walks away.

Tim: “It’s Jason.”

Jason: “DAMN IT.

Rules:

If you guess wrong, you have to do patrol with Damian and listen to him rant about the superiority of traditional swordsmanship for two hours.

If you guess right, you get to choose the movie on family movie night.

If Bruce is disappointed in himself, everyone gets ice cream. That’s the law.

It got so serious they made a whiteboard. Labeled it: “DISAPPOINTMENT LEADERBOARD.”

Top scores:

Tim (17 correct guesses, possible mind reader)

Cass (14, reads vibes better than Google Translate reads Latin)

Steph (11, mostly via chaos intuition)

Jason (2. constantly thinks it’s him. It often is. But not always.)

Damian (0. refuses to acknowledge he is ever the cause)

One time Dick guessed correctly for the first time in 3 months and everyone clapped.

He cried.

Alt. Version: Guess Who Bruce Is Proud Of Today.

Game cancelled due to lack of data.

Diomedes: That's Odysseus, cleverest of the greeks. He's probably concocting a wicked plan right now.

Odysseus *internally*: Penelope Penelope Penelope Penelope Penelope Penelope Penelope Penelope Penelope Penelope Penelope Penelope Penelope Penelope Penelope Penelope Penelope Penelope Pen-

cass and jason are an underappreciated duo who deserve more rep. this ain't a debate, it's a fact

just imagine

Cass: *signing sorrowfully* i have been battling my own inner demons, brother. my childhood . . . my past . . . it calls to me, tugs at the scars on my skin and the blood painting my soul. it tells me that I shall never escape, not truly jason: cass: jason: that was poetic as shit, sis, and I think you should definitely write a book, but all I asked was "how was school"

jason: hey! how's everyone doin'? tim: *wathcing a movie* we're good-- cass: *turns movie off and glasres at jason* have you bandaged it yet? jason: *looking away* i don't know what you're talking about . . . cass: THE BULLET HOLE IN YOUR ARM jason: how the fuck did you even see that. my armor covers it cass: I SEE ALL. THERE IS NOWHERE IN THIS EARTHLY PLANE OR THE NEXT THAT YOU ARE CAPABLE OF HIDING FROM ME, TRY AS YOU MIGHT jason: jason: i'll go get this bandanged jason: *mutters as he walks off* definitely not running from whatever the fuck that was . . .

cass: *tears in her eyes* my ballet recital was cancelled . . . the penguin bombed the street leading to the school . . . jason: *Grabbing his guns* that motherf- cass: jason: -ffffuudger cass: jason: jeezus please put the sad eyes away, i cant take it cass: you can fucking curse, jason. i am not a prim and proper Victorian woman who will tell you to pardon your fucking french. jason: cass: a FLIGHTLESS-fucking-AVIAN in a shitstain of a THREE PIECE SUIT just FUCKING BOMBED MY BALLET RECITAL, if anything the cursing HELPS jason: jason: this is an alternate dimension. that's the only explanation.

Was doing something unrelated but

Can you imagine a world where nobody knows the batkids are actually Batman's children and hence, when they hear them yelling at each other "I'll report this to Batman!" They think it's actually serious team discussion

And they don't know that for them it literally translates into "I'm telling dad!"

Like, You see Nightwing arguing with Red Hood and going "Oh, i'm SO reporting this to Batman"

"OH NO, YOURE NOT"

"YES I AM"

And everyone else thinks this is serious? And it could affect Hood's status as an ally?

But really is just Dick telling his little brother he's snitching about his broken arm to their dad-

Or you see Red Robin trying to bribe Robin and Spoiler "I'm reporting your actions to Batman"

"Yeah, gotta start the report about it, and he's going to be so-"

"... How much?"

And they smile maliciously, and anyone else thinks RR did something REALLY bad but it's just that he exceeded his weekly allowed coffee and his sibblings found out

Because they also do it to other people, like Tim does it to Supes when he's arguing with Kon-

Cass: Can I have your burger.

Dick:??? No I'm eating it. You have your own right there.

Cass: Remember when you abandoned me to Slade when I was drugged and mind controlled and then after I got free the first thing you did was punch me in the face.

Dick, sliding his burger over: You KNOW it's more complicated than that. You know it.

Tim, watching this all go down: Hey Jason remember when you broke into Titans tower just to beat me up?

Jason, taking a large bite of his own burger: Keep annoying me and this time I'll do more than just leave you unconscious.

Tim: :/

Cass, whispering to him: You gotta go for the ones with guilt complexes. It doesn't work otherwise.

Tim: Gotcha, good to know.

Cass:... Soo remember when I was drugged and brainwashed and you did nothing but accept it for months?

Tim, grumbling and sliding his own burger over to her: I never accepted it! That's just not true!

Cass, now eating three burgers at once: :)

Dannys at Wayne enterprise because his parents want to submit their inventions and "scientific" discoverys for official review. He's bored out of his mind and meets this beautiful girl his age and strikes up a conversation with her. (Or he meets a girl and starts to rant like his father.)

Danny: im just saying Orphan has to be a vampire!

????(cass): No.

Danny: Are you kidding me? She moves with far to much elegance and grace to be mortal. Credit to the other bats but they move like mortals. She dances around both rogues and vigilantes!

????(cass): *blushing* No vampire.

Danny: ok maybe not a vampire but like a shadow demon or dhamphir or something! She's to much!

????(cass): orphan. Is. good. What about others?

Danny: oh! stabby robin and red hood are top tier obviously!

????(cass): oh?

Danny: well yeah! Stabby robin practices the art of the sword, a forgotten art in modern times. And red hood shoots pedophiles! Who doesn't like that?

????(cass): Batman.

Danny: well that says something about batman doesn't it. Have you seen the first Robin's outfit? Oof!

*in cass's ear*: Red Robin here. Good job on keeping danny distracted orphan. We're in the process of arresting Danny's parents. Can you keep it up?

????(cass): mhmm. Hey. Cute boy. Take me out to lunch?

Danny: Oh! Yeah! My parents will take hours explaining everything anyway, But uhm. What's your name?

????(cass): call me cass. This is a date, Yes?

Danny: *blushing* oh, uhm, yes. I'm Danny by the way.

Cass: Danny very cute.

Red robin: uhm? You don't have to do that orphan. Hello? ...Please don't make me explain this to B. Orphan?

Batman: Follow. Them.

Saddest DC members in my opinion with no explanation and there will be people missing because I haven’t read that many comics;

Cassandra Cain. Hal Jordan. John Constantine. Helena Bertinelli. Kara Zor El. Oliver Queen.

Will probably add more to this and please comment your thoughts.

Hal Jordan as character is funny to me because the way fandom see and treat him as this poor meow meow character, make other people forget how actually fucking sad his whole life is. Like most people only remember about how he watch his father died and how he thrive to be like him as his tragic backstory. Not a lot mention about how abusive his dad was, how repressed Hal is as a result of that, his shitty relationship with his family, his struggle with his civilian job and balancing his life while being a green lantern. Like it's just funny. You search for his contents and most of them come out as funny stuffs, but then you try to learn more about him and you ask yourself, "Holy shit how tf did this man hold it together???". It's like experiencing a culture shock

and when you think about this in context of how he in all likelihood is the youngest of the original members of the league it gets even sadder like to think he was doomed from the moment he was given the ring despite it initially giving him so much hope that he could make a difference is so depressing and once again i think a very apt metaphor for how military structures prey on people and exploit them until they’re nothing

Someone, "Hey how do you feel out your brushes?"

Me, "Cass blobs."

Someone, "What?" Me, "Cassandra. Cain. Blobs."

odysseus and diomedes would be terrible coworkers. the office mean girls who hate their jobs, are overqualified, and only like each other

pictured: ody and diomedes plotting palamedes’ death