T H E H U G M O N S T E R H A S B E E N F E D

headcanon that after Dick Grayson being Robin all of the batkids interchangeably use “holy ____ batman” even at the worst possible moments

Steph, staring down at Tim in the medbay cot: holy common cold, batman

Tim: please stop

Steph: holy spleenless sillybilly batman

Tim: steph please

Jason Todd on the floor, bruised and bloodied: dad?

(The timer ticks down to three seconds)

Jason: well holy shitballs batman I’m going to fucking di-

KABOOM

Bitter and lonely straight men who feel unloved by women do not seem to understand that women do not love men the way they think women should love men. Women who love men romantically don't love them with admiration, as a wise authority figure or someone they can rely on like children rely on their parents and belivers trust in their god. They love men the same way that they love cats.

Their weird hairy little house gremlin whose thoughts and feelings are occasionally utterly incomprehensible and expressed in strange ways, but who still clearly tries, and still clearly loves. Women love them despite of the home renovations they unpromptedly do.

"Your days of villainy end here," Wonder Woman declares, leveling her sword at Phantom.

She's heard from the locals that, while Phantom favors the form of a young boy, he is far older than even she. There are records going back centuries of his existence.

Phantom, however, looks confused.

"Villain....? Oh! Okay, you want to fight Dan! Yeah, lemme just go call him real quick."

"...Who?" Wonder Woman asks, now sharing the confusion.

But Phantom already has a phone out and is calling someone, promising that it won't be but a moment.

"Hey, so...yeah, I know you don't wanna talk to me but...no but someone wants to fight you...gimme a second to specify and I'll....Wonder Woman. Wonder Woman wants to 1v1 you."

Phantom holds the phone away from his ear as what can only be described as a triumphant war cry almost breaks the speaker.

Then it's just a dial tone.

Phantom smiles at her.

"Okay, he'll be here in like, four-"

"Fight me!" Another ghosts interrupts, landing in front of Phantom.

He's huge; bigger than Superman, with fire-like white hair and excited red eyes.

He looks very, very ecstatic for the opportunity to fight her.

And, well...Diana does love a good fight.

Very well!

She will fight this 'Dan' instead!

Divine Twitch Chat come through 🤺

Also B/W version cause they kinda slap

A restaurant named You're Not Supposed To Be Here, where the whole point is that the vibes are unnerving. The lighting is weird, the whole place has a faint scent that's not a bad smell, but it's certainly not food smell and you can't quite identify what the hell it is. The music is weirdly janky and you can't quite tell what's wrong with it, the vocals aren't exactly garbled but sung in a language you swear you've never heard anywhere and couldn't name if you tried. Only hiring staff who have anxiety and they're 100% permitted to show how much your presence here stresses them out.

I can't stress enough how much I miss StumbleUpon

DPxDC More Shit Fae!Danny Has Said While Living With Waynes

Dick, opening his arms wide and going for a hug: hey, Danny!

Danny, looking him in the eyes without blinking: did you know that centuries ago fae really liked to crawl inside human bodies and use them as nests? I heard human insides are really warm and squishy.

Dick, sweating, frozen in place: ...no?..

Danny, smiling and cheerfully jumping to hug Dick: I didn't either!

Jason, because he is feeling adventurous today: I have a question. Where do Fae come from?

Danny: Ah, so B hadn't had the Talk with you yet, what a shame. So when a woman and a man love each other very much-

Damian: Enough of your foolish jokes, I do not wish to hear the sex talk from you. To answer your question, Todd, Fae come from the dreams.

Jason, deadpan: ...really?

Danny, very awkwardly: Um. Dami. Brother to my soul. I'm so sorry.

Damian: What?

Danny: I told you we come from dreams only because you were four. That's not actually how it works. We just fuck.

Duke, narrowing his eyes at Danny suspiciously: So, for the past week and a half, I've been having this recurring dream about you eating my brain with a fork like spaghetti. I was wondering, is it, like, a you thing or a me thing?

Danny, very offended: Duke! Not every weird thing that happens in this house is my fault! That is very rude of you!

Cass, after Duke had apologized profusely and left: You.

Danny, rolling his eyes: Yeah, okay, I did do that. In my defense, his fear tastes like the perfect greasy cheeseburger, and I have to get my fair share of junk food somehow.

Cass: >:(

Danny: Okay, I'll stop. Eventually.

Bruce, in his nth attempt at gaining information from Danny: How do you know if someone is a Fae or not?

Danny: Throw a fish at them.

Bruce: ????

Danny, not even looking up from his phone: Fish are scared of the Fae. So if you throw a fish at someone and the fish gets scared, they are Fae.

Gotham Rogues a week later: We have no idea why Batman keeps throwing guppies at us, but we collectively suspect his new child is to blame.

Danny: Oh, I'm forbidden to enjoy caraoke nights.

Steph, who suggested he join: What? Why? Is it some kind of punishment for the pizza incident?

Tim: No, it's because if he starts singing, we all lose our grip on reality.

Damian: And our dignity.

Danny: They mean they start dancing whether they want it or not, and I have videos to prove it. Wanna see Jason twerking? Or I have one with Tim and Bruce waltzing through the manor.

Steph, as everyone else bemoans their fate: With great pleasure.

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@violet-foxe

I imagine Dionysus to have Grunkle Stan's voice lol

has this been done before? I mean, spoilers for the demon realm arc

To cover up the happenings of amity park, Danny comes up with a GENIUS idea (shut up Sam).

The small videos and pictures of him and the ghosts that managed to escape their city were dangerous if a hero were to look into their business.

With Tucker and Sam, they created a 'behind the scenes'.

(The video starts with Phantom. He's chasing something– someone, building's sweep past as the two duke it out midair.

That is, until someone yells.

"CUT!"

The background is taken away, leaving behind a green screen. Phantom and the ghost, now recognised as Ember Mclain, hang midair, dangling.

The camera zooms in on Phantom, as he slips off his white wig and scratches his scalp.

"Danny! Stop taking off the wig!" Someone yells off screen, to which Damny rolls his eyes to, screaming back a "but it's scratchy!".

The video stops there.)

They did NOT expect the amount of views this would get.