Eren Jaeger’s Final Words

There has been a great deal of discussion about what would appeal to the character of William James Moriarty—what dishes he would enjoy, which types of tea he would favor, how he would sleep, and so on. But let’s focus instead on what he would not like.

The desire to live in aesthetics—have you ever considered how utopian and absurd it is, how pro-capitalist it is, thereby representing a piece of the foundation for class inequality? In our time, every "aesthetic" is nothing more than a consumption product, as everyone who wishes to be part of it is not an innovator but a consumer. It represents the final stage not just of the capitalist social structure but of fading thought. People are divided not only into masculinity and femininity, classes, but into entire groups defined by a particular "aesthetic," which in turn fosters stereotyping and limited thinking.

When we see someone in a classic outfit with the hashtag "dark academia," we automatically assume they represent a developed member of society. Do not mistake my words—this is not about individuals but the bubble they stand under, unknowingly supporting. Many of us are familiar with Donna Tartt’s widely acclaimed novel, "The Secret History." This book did not fulfill its purpose. Fans of the book like to argue and say that it satirizes the romanticization of bourgeois pseudo-intellectual lifestyles—yet it failed to do so. Each of Tartt’s books, which has become a symbol of the "dark academia" aesthetic wave, was not written to embed ideas in the masses but rather for mindless consumption.

The need to "aestheticize" has led to the aestheticization and exploitation of religions, books, writers, incorrect historical facts, and misguided interpretations of literature.

In the term "dark academia," there is a lot of darkness and very little "academia," because currently, the books associated with this category do not provide food for thought. It has become more about ties and suits, shirts and chessboards. No, you can’t be both Albert Camus and Fyodor Dostoevsky—have you actually read their works? Have you delved into their contexts, the conditions under which they wrote, and, most importantly, the historical periods they were writing in? Where they were born and what influenced them? Clearly, no.

And this is where the pursuit of so-called "aestheticism" becomes a catastrophe. It is not done for the sake of knowledge, which should always be shared—bringing something to society. It is done for a couple of photos, a few videos, and a few out-of-context quotes from books.

The very popularization of a book that has clearly failed to achieve its purpose, along with the continued use of "prominent" names in Russian literature, stands as evidence of my argument. This wave of aestheticization is nothing more than yet another elegant veil of pseudo-intellectualism.

This is precisely why I cannot take seriously the fans of William who present themselves in this manner. William would never have appreciated all this decorative frippery; he would have condemned it outright.

the latest episode made me so excited... especially the conversation between gabi and kaya in the end. it was awesome. and i can’t help but think again about how deeply gabi actually hates herself. the saddest thing is that she doesn’t even understand it. may i just cry about this lost, misguided child?..

when kaya asks gabi why her mom must be eaten alive, all that gabi has in answer is racist marleyan bullshit. and when kaya calls her out on that bullshit, there’s nothing left but shock and panic. 

because there’s no reason why kaya’s mom has to die. and why gabi and other eldians have to suffer, carrying the burden of their ancestors, too.

it’s that simple.

but as kaya struggles to understand why people of paradis have to be eaten by titans, gabi and marleyan eldians struggle to understand why they have to live in an awful ghetto, bear countless acts of violence, and be turned into these goddamn titans. sadly and ironically, marleyan propaganda is the only thing that helps gabi not to sink in the despair her life is. it gives her simple reasoning of why she has to live like that and be hated, as well as the faith in a better future. 

if only she will be the good eldian, of course.

Lanzhou and Control

[spoilers up to chapter 220ish]

So I’ve been working on a future post and have been rereading my personal chapter summaries and notes. As I refreshed my memory and even reread some specific chapters, I ended up asking google a question that sent me to an interesting Reddit post.

Basically someone said they didn’t understand why Shen Zechuan initiated intercourse in chapters 40-41. Someone else gave a very thoughtful reply which you can read here, but the part I’m focusing on for this post is Shen Zechuan’s relationship with control. The replier shared, amongst other things, that Shen Zechuan gave Xiao Chiye control in that situation.

I actually just reread chapter 40 today and noticed that on page 413 of vol. 1 it says “Shen Zechuan allowed Xiao Chiye to gather his wrists into one hand”. I never really thought much of that phrase in my previous readings of volume 1, but I feel like that it only really sunk in for me after getting better acquainted with their relationship as it developed.

Throughout the story it’s repeated over and over how both leads HATE having their lives out of their hands. Xiao Chiye despises that he was forced away from his family and home. And Shen Zechuan hates how he was held at the mercy of others for years as well; vowing to never be in such a position again. Both of these individuals crave freedom. And yet, Shen Zechuan allowed Xiao Chiye to do as he pleased with him.

Now, their first time being intimate has a lot of nuance to it. They both used that moment to escape reality for a time. And this particular instance of relinquished autonomy literally had Shen Zechuan expecting to be handled roughly. But once their relationship developed into a mutual romance, time and time again, Shen Zechuan surrenders control, letting Xiao Chiye take the lead, and following his whims.

I’m currently at chapter 220 and while some of their unions still have escapist undertones, there are still pure romantic moments where Shen Zechuan completely gives himself up to Xiao Chiye. And I think it shows a key difference in these two’s desire for control: Xiao Chiye likes to dominate by nature while Shen Zechuan feels like he has to for survival. Not to call Xiao Chiye a freak, but bro is literally described as enjoying fights, likes the struggle of taming wild animals, and is possessive as hell! While Shen Zechuan’s need for control stemmed from being abused by others throughout his life. When he’s not in control, he gets hurt. So that told him when he’s in control, he can protect himself.

I have taken mental note of a few scenes during Shen Zechuan’s conquering Zhongbo era where he’s tired or even annoyed by the work that goes into running essentially a country. But why doesn’t he delegate those tasks to others? Because unless he is genuinely incapable of getting the job done himself, he doesn’t trust anyone else to do it. He’s also stated several times that he doesn’t desire to be at the top: two examples that immediately came to mind being in chapter 70 when Xiao Chiye asks “Don’t you want a turn at the top?” and in Shen Zechuan’s conversation with Yao Wenyu in chapter 146. While in both of these instances he was bluffing, part of me thinks there is at least a semblance of truth to the statement.

When he lived with the Jis in Duanzhou, he was content with his simple life. He wanted to be like his brother and become a squad commander one day, but that’s nowhere near as ambitious as taking over and bringing peace to several prefectures. He was happy. And then his world was flipped upside down.

While I don’t think he necessarily regrets the path he is on now, he definitely misses simpler times. In chapter 209 Shen Zechuan says he forced himself to stop thinking about his days in Duanzhou because remembering those times make him cry. He was forcefully removed from a life he loved, and thrusted into the middle of a violent political struggle.

All of this to say, while Shen Zechuan is implied to be a natural leader and has a domineering nature, it isn’t really a position he chose to be in. Every action he takes is deeply calculated from multiple angles for the best possible outcome. Even carefully crafting his persona to attempt to control how he’s perceived. And living your life like that is DRAINING!

Oh man, Shen Zechuan is tired 😩

But when he’s with Xiao Chiye, he can turn his brain off. He can forget about his meetings. Forget about trying to watch everything the other enemy factions are doing. Forget about trying to put up a front as to not scare those around him with his true self. He can melt into Xiao Chiye and think of nothing but him.

I think the real turning point in their relationship was in the Public Ditches arc. Shen Zechuan is literally out of commission for several days due to illness and Xiao Chiye came to watch him every single night. Shen Zechuan had no choice but to let Xiao Chiye take care of him… but the tenderness Xiao Chiye showed him? The genuine concern? The comforting whispers and cuddles? It left an impression on Shen Zechuan.

I think Xiao Chiye’s sincerity truly shined through to him in those moments. None of those actions were necessary, and yet Xiao Chiye ran himself ragged handling his professional work and his silly little guy.

Shen Zechuan being cherished in such a vulnerable moment showed him that he could really trust Xiao Chiye. Half a decade before, people in power took advantage of Shen Zechuan and pinned the deaths of tens of thousands on a confused and delirious teenaged boy, while this big love struck dummy showed Shen Zechuan an intimacy he had never experienced before. And that’s so beautiful I could cry.

Shen Zechuan doesn’t need to be on his guard around Xiao Chiye, and Xiao Chiye likes being a leader. Shen Zechuan has his trusted confidant and Xiao Chiye tamed his falcon. …well, work in progress. His falcon still gets himself hurt carelessly.

Shen Zechuan needed stability and someone to lean on. And he found that in Xiao Chiye.

I have so many thoughts. OMG I’m so unwell about these two. I started writing this at 3am and forced myself to go to bed and finish it upon waking up. They drive me crazy. All the worm in my brain are Shen Zechuan and Xiao Chiye shaped!!!

In my next essay I shall explore why they rolepla—

mtp characters as birds (1)

so, one day i woke up and thought to myself: what kind of birds mtp characters would've been?

and, well. at that point, there really was no going back.

anyway, now that i have some time to put it onto my virtual paper, here's my little rant on the matter. i typed all characters that i could remember, but in this part there're only moriarty & holmes brothers + john.

WILLIAM & LOUIS: i'll be honest here—of all mtp characters, william was the hardest one to name for me. also, initially the brothers had different species assigned to them (which kinda did pair up pretty well tho), but as i had trouble envisioning will as one, i scrapped it and went with the second option. and for the better ig as it makes much more sense now.

so, all that said, my pick for both william and louis is a pair of barn owls.

ngl, barn owls are one of the long-standing favorites of mine. it was kinda natural for me to associate them with a pair of my favorite mtp characters lol. although initially that association hadn't extended to william, upon some thought i've seen the hidden appeal, and now can't imagine him as anything but a barn owl.

these ethereal birds have a lot of symbolic meaning attached to them, the most prominent being that of darkness, doom, and death. being the lord of crime, both william and louis reflect upon those ideas throughout the story a lot. but another meaning, derived from the owl's ability to see through darkness, is that of wisdom, perception, and introspection, and these fit brothers even more so. also, as the lord of crime, they match another motif connected to barn owls—transformation. this one mirrors william's desire to change his country, and louis' determination to change himself for william's sake and the world that william wanted him to see.

lastly, barn owls are simply beautiful birds, and i just think it would've been neat to include them in the list fsjkfsnkjs

ALBERT: 100% a dove. an instant pick here lol (that actually has little to do with charlie). doves as well carry a lot of symbolic meaning, such as peace, purity, freedom, and love. funny enough, albert shares none of those qualities—save for one. he rejected peace once he decided to follow william to the end. he lost his purity when he took the life of his mother. he refused freedom to atone for his (and william's) sins. love is the only thing that albert has left in abundance.

but that is not the line of thinking that i used here. actually, albert being a dove in my mind is more due to his noble status that he hates than anything else. at first, i imagined him as a white dove, one of those specially bred over the centuries kinds. perhaps, even one of the breeds that have suffered some unsavory consequences of inbreeding. but then my eyes fell upon a luzon bleeding-heart, and—

oh. my. god.

that has to be The One.

the feathers on their chests have a bright red coloration that indeed reminds of a bleeding heart. and that's— just such a fascinating piece of symbolism? that fits albert perfectly??

so beautiful.

SHERLOCK: another instant pick— none other than a crow. crows are highly intelligent birds that are also known for their mischievous and playful nature. they're quite undemanding birds that, being opportunistic eaters, can eat almost anything and thrive almost anywhere around the globe.

when a crow, or one of its flockmates, is disturbed, they'll go to no end in holding a grudge against a person who did so. although sherlock isn't the kind of person to hold grudges, he's still quite fierce when it comes to protecting those dear to him, and hunting down criminals in a fit of hyperfixation on a mystery. moreover, crows are not just intelligent, but very curious creatures too, which, again, is yet another scherlock's important characteristic.

so, all things considered, including sherlock's chaotic yet kind and loyal nature, i can't see him as anything but a crow.

JOHN: he's a cute little goldfinch! tbh i went mostly by vibe and appearance here. but i find the symbolism quite fitting as well, as these cuties are most often associated with joy, cheerfulness, persistence, and light-heartedness. and, well, who could've been the embodiment of these qualities if not john?

there's also a profound religious meaning tied to goldfinches, as they are often connected to the image of christ. as i have no real knowledge of theology or religious art, i can't give any commentary on the matter. but i still wanted to mention this fact, because imo someone who could deal with pre-time skip sherlock on daily basis must truly be a saint lol.

MYCROFT: matching sherlock's crow, he's, of course, a raven. but there's more to that decision than me wanting them to resemble each other.

actually, i think there's no one more fitting to be a raven than mycroft, as ravens are the birds that to this day are used to guard the buckingham palace. specifically, they hunt down vermin that dare to stick their noses into the royal domain. to me, that sounds a lot like our lovely government guy here!

royal associations aside, these birds are usually much calmer than crows and generally have a somewhat cooler vibe around them. and, of course, they're intelligent as hell. sherly and mycky really do enhance each other as a pair of a crow and a raven in my eyes, just like william and louis do as a pair of barn owls.

that's it for now! hopefully i'll come back to make other parts as well and share all these beautiful photos of birbs hidden in my stash too...

There is a cyclic tragedy inherent to Mori's character wherein he's actually a deeply lonely man, but it's mostly because his resolve to do morally reprehensible things and think of people as pieces on the game board is something he prioritizes over his relations with those very same people, and this inevitably pushes them away (for very understandable reasons). And it kind of sucks honestly because the most frustrating thing about Mori is that he 100% has the potential to be a fantastic teacher and mentor, and more than that, I think he loves it! Just look at Beast! But for as long as he decides he needs to be the one to make "the hard calls" to "preserve peace", then Mori will inevitably continue in this cycle of alienating all the people he has a fondness for.

I do feel as though Mori's loneliness is something he views as a necessary sacrifice that he is making for the greater good (and if he is so willing to sacrifice, then Dazai's unwillingness to do the same comes out of left field because - "what do you mean? you're supposed to be just like me!").

Anyways.

Mori voice: "I'm so alone"

Also Mori: *continues to prioritize pure logic over the emotions of his people and himself*

The people: *get rightly angry and/or become extremely traumatized and leave him*

Mori voice: "I did what needed to be done"

Mori: "..."

Mori: "..."

Mori: "I'm so alone"

Sir. You are doing this to yourself.

“You know you’re good when you can even do it with a broken heart.”

“Lan Zhan! Let me ask you, back then, under the Xuanwu cave in Dusk-Creek Mountain, the song that you sang me, what was its name?”

“Why do you suddenly remember to ask about this?”

“Just say it. What was its name? I think I might’ve guessed how you recognized me.”

SNK S4 EP13: CHILDREN OF THE FOREST

wine x blood

"Eren, you are free."

I've been wondering what is going on with William's hand since forever. Why is he holding it like that and staring at it? Drama for the sake of drama? Never a good answer, even for William.

Then it hit me.

He's remembering, and he's remembering this - not just the sickly child Louis was in general, but this specific moment. The memory of bonding so dear to both of them.

When Louis talks about how important William is to him, he talks about this moment when he felt cherished. It's this memory that keeps him afloat thorough loss and uncertainty.

When William talks about his ego speaking, he's referring to this moment when he felt needed. It's this feeling he's desperate to preserve.

We got this scene from both Louis' and William's POV, and we are not supposed to notice until third, fifth, or tenth reread.

But also,

They put William's weird gesture in chapter 10, knowing it would look like unnecessary dramatics up until chapter 55.

This is the subtlety of Yuumori parallels and testament to its planning.