This Is Incredibly Random But I Love When Yall Ask The Most Outrageous Things In My Inbox.

OH MY GOD WHAT?

POSSIBLT THE LAST THING I EXPECTED LMFAOOOO

i freaking love lorde

sobbing crying throwing up

WE HUG NOW 𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚

authors note: this song has been stuck in my head for weeks

warnings: angst, divorce/breakup

you never wanted the money.

not the cars. not the spotlight. not the gated houses or the sold-out arenas. you would’ve lived in a tiny apartment, eating cereal on the floor every night if it meant waking up next to her—billie, the way she was before everything got loud.

she used to fall asleep with her head on your chest, murmuring lyrics into your skin like secrets. used to light up when she saw you walk into a room, like the whole world paused just long enough for her to memorize you again.

but somewhere along the way, the world stopped slowing down.

and she stopped looking up.

you started counting the days between her phone calls. between the nights she came home. between the moments you still felt like hers. you told yourself it was temporary. that fame came with distance, and distance didn’t mean detachment. you told yourself she’d remember.

but then came the fight.

you were sitting in the nursery, holding your daughter while she clung to your arm, the weight of the world pressing down on your chest. billie paced in front of you, her voice sharp, accusing.

“do you love me,” she asked, “or just the life i gave you?”

you didn’t have words. it hit you like a slap in the face, and all the breath left your lungs. you would’ve given everything up for her.

but in that moment, you realized she didn’t believe you. maybe she never did.

so you let her go.

the divorce was quiet. clinical. the kind where nothing catches fire but everything still burns.

she left the house. she left the crib. she left one thing behind—a beat-up old phone, screen cracked, tucked beneath the baby blanket in the rocker.

a single voice memo, labeled:

halley’s comet. for her.

you sat in the dim light of the nursery that night, holding your daughter to your chest, listening to billie’s voice crackle through the speaker.

“hi, baby girl. this is your song. i’ll always love you, even when i’m not there.”

she sang like she was still trying to hold on. and you cried like you already knew she wouldn’t.

your daughter is four now.

she runs everywhere instead of walking. she’s all questions and scraped knees and big, open-hearted feelings. she asks about the stars when she can’t sleep, says she feels safest when you hold her.

she knows the song by heart. you’ve played it for her every night since she was born. she calls it her song, like it was written by the universe just for her. and maybe, in a way, it was.

you’re driving her home from preschool one afternoon, the air warm, the sun soft on your arm, and the radio starts playing a song that makes your heart skip.

it’s halley’s comet.

not the voice memo. the full version. studio-polished. stripped-down and haunting and beautiful. billie’s voice, older now, but still her. still yours, somehow.

from the backseat, your daughter perks up, her voice sharp with recognition.

“mama… my song.”

you grip the steering wheel, the pressure of her words making your chest tighten.

she’s staring out the window, her small hand pressed to her chest like she’s holding something fragile, something sacred. and it is.

you force a smile, blinking back the tightness in your throat. “yeah, baby,” you whisper. “that’s your song.”

a week later, your phone buzzes.

someone sends you a clip from billie’s latest interview—she’s on a late-night talk show, radiant, untouchable. the interviewer brings you up like a distant memory, something forgotten.

“so, you and y/n. what happened there?”

billie laughs easily, like it’s nothing. like it’s a joke.

“oh, that. yeah. we ended it on mutual terms. it’s all good now.”

mutual.

like you didn’t stay awake for months, waiting for her to come home, waiting for her to see you again. like you didn’t rock your daughter to sleep, night after night, with the sound of billie’s voice in the dark, your heart breaking quietly every time. like you didn’t love her with every piece of yourself. like you still don’t, a little.

you pause the video.

the house is quiet. the laundry hums softly in the next room. your daughter’s asleep upstairs, her tiny body curled around a stuffed bunny, the old phone still tucked under her pillow.

you sit there, the glow of the screen fading to black.

and you think—

god, she really believes it was nothing.

you’re just thinking it’s a small thing that happened.the world ended when it happened to me.

taglist: @amara-eilish @bilswifee @iamnicoke @jayjaywetforbils @eloiseluvsbillie @bxllxebxtch | send me an ask, or comment if you want to be added to my taglist!

˘ ͙ᵕ˘͈ “LACY,OH LACY”┊͙ ˘͈ᵕ˘͈

when being a bit too much of a secretive and insecure person lead to your best friend getting what you always wanted since kid,matt sturniolo

•*⁀➷ angst,cursing,mentions of insecurities and self doubt,traumas,mentions of crying,envy,jealousy,etc. (inspired by the song «lacy» by olivia rodrigo ✧*)

!! first language is not english ¡¡ (masterlist,taglist)

———————————ღ————————————

you’ve always been secretive, quiet,never sharing your personal information or preferences with no one. not because you wanted to be, but because the world never felt like it had space for you. your words, your wants, your feelings—they have always seemed like things to be swallowed, locked away. you never speak much.you never ask for too much.

you are the kind of person who lingers in the background, watching rather than stepping forward,observing in silence. it started young—this creeping sense that you were never quite enough. maybe it was the way people overlooked you in conversations, the way your parents never quite celebrated your achievements the way they did for your siblings, the way people always seemed to forget your name until they needed something from you.

you watched girls who were louder, who took up space without apologizing for it. girls who could make a room bend toward them, who didn’t hesitate before speaking, who didn’t second-guess their worth. you watched them and wondered what it felt like to wake up in a body that didn’t feel like something to be ashamed of, to exist without the weight of self-doubt pressing into your ribs.

and yet, deep in the marrow of your bones, you have always wanted him,matt.he is the boy who was once completely attached with you, but now only existing in the deep past,leaving you only with the heavy weight of vividly memories.

he was there in the soft haze of your childhood, in summers spent running through golden fields, in winters where you watched the snow settle in his dark hair, his laughter curling into the air like smoke. he was the first person who ever made you feel something close to special. the first to hold your wrist when you almost tripped, the first to call your name like it actually meant something.

but he was also the first thing she took from you.

your best friend. the girl who never needed to ask for things because the world placed them at her feet. the girl who shined so brightly, so effortlessly, that people mistook her glow for their own warmth. you love her —because how could you not? but love unfortunately does not erase envy,even though you really wish it did.

you compared your face to hers—the shape of her lips, the curve of her nose, the way her eyes caught the light just right. you compared your voice to hers, how easily she spoke, how people listened to her without her needing to beg for their attention. you compared your body, your laughter, your very existence, and every time you did, you came up short.

it all happened quietly and maybe way too fast.you saw the way he would start looking at her all the time, and the part of you that is still a child—still hopeful, still stupid—pretended not to notice. you watched as his laughter becomes softer whenever she would be near, as his hands would find her waist, as she would lean into him like she has a right to.

then one evening,sitting almost peacefully on the hardwood floor of your balcony,she told you that she decided to test out committing a relationship with him—she said it all so simply,so calmly, sickeningly unaware that it shatters you in the most silent way possible.

you forced yourself to remember that she loved you. that you were not an afterthought to her, not something lesser. but love does not make comparison disappear. and comparison was something you carried with you like a second skin,

and now—you try not to see the way he touches her. you try not to hear the way he says her name. you try not to remember what it was like when he still looked at you like you were something to be seen. but trying means nothing when the universe has a cruel sense of humor, placing them in your path at every turn.

she tells you stories about him, as best friends do. how he surprises her with coffee in the mornings. how he texts her goodnight with little inside jokes that make her giggle. how he kissed her in the rain like something out of a dream,

you only could listen,not realizing that you were slowly becoming an echo of your older self,the one who wished to be heard by anyone.

then it also comes the worst part—the guilt.the shame of it,curling around you like a suffocating fog.you weren’t supposed to ache for the person your best friend chose, and he had chosen her.

yet you couldn’t resist your thoughts,wondering what it would be if things were switched,different.if he ever would glance at you again as if you were something sacred,if you were the one someone had reached for instead of just passing by.

———————————ღ————————————

one evening, after too much pretending, you slip away from a party neither of them noticed you at and find yourself by the lake. the moon hangs low, it’s reflection fractured in the water, and you feel like something unraveling,

you swore your heart skipped a few beats when you heard a familiar soothing voice behind you,the one who would send tingles in your body and make you all warm,him.

you don’t remember when exactly you fell for him, it wasn’t sudden, not some grand realization that struck you like lightning. it was slow, torturing, like the tide pulling in, so gradual that by the time you noticed, you were already drowning.

he had a way of making the world feel lighter. he could turn anything into a joke, could tease you without it ever feeling cruel. and you loved that about him. loved the way he never treated you like you were fragile, like you were someone to be handled with careful hands. he made you feel real, solid, like you weren’t just floating through life unseen

but that of course,didn’t last long—cause when she stepped into the light,he followed right behind.

“are you okay?” his voice was practically dripping with kindness and softness,and it only made you feel like you were some sort of a pity,

you honestly didn’t know how you were even supposed to respond to him,the lump in your tight throat suddenly roping like a knot,desiring to basically let your emotions wash over and to cry your heart out.

instead you hollow a smile in the corner of your lips— explaining that you needed some air, and he hesitantly lingered his gaze on you,causing your stomach to flutter pathetically,

“you can go back,i will be there soon” you whispered out,afraid that if your voice was a tiny level louder it would betray your hidden tone of sadness.

he could sense you were yearning for some alone time,so he only nodded,eventually walking and disappearing in the shadows so he can step back inside,where she is waiting for him—like you always have been secretly,even though it wasn’t enough,and the truth is that it will never be.

———————————-ღ———————————-

ev’ note: colliding olivia with the sturniolo’s cause why the fuck not?😛 by the way i don’t know if it’s painfully obvious that this is my first angst,i hope it doesn’t suck but i can already picture it flopping hard🥹

love youu<3

taglist: @wiidfi0wer33 @chrislova @cutiepaiquill @zainabthescientist @jetaimevous @toysizee @chratts-left-ball @savvyratatouille @bellassturniolo @justexisting12 @mattsbrowser

nobody fw this song like I fw this song 😎

just put my headphones in and they just died is this a joke

I love women like they are so sweet and nice and beautiful like I love when I talk to or meet a nice woman it feels so refreshing like ugh I love you, why are some girls nasty and bitchy when you could be a cutie okay anyways rant over thanks for listening 😛😛

YOUR THEMES ALWAYSSS EAT DOWN THEY LOOK SO PRETTY

UGH STOP ILL KISS YOU💋💋

10 things for 10(ish) people you’d like to know better

— thanks for the tag cutie

last song: talk - beabadoobee

favourite colour: dark red or navy blue<3

last book: killing eve

last film: sitting in bars with cake

last tv show: 2 broke girls

sweet/savory/spicy: spicy and savory<3

relationship status: single ash

last thing i googled: what ethnicity is central cee

current obsession: billie eilish, quenblackwell and the gym<3

looking forward to: summer!!

npt!! @moonbils @noturfemmegf @stxrsniolo @tan1shere @billiesbaeeee

10 things for 10(ish) people you'd like to know better

thanks for the tag bestie! @without-energy-always

last song: illit- tick tack

favourite colour: pastel pink

last book: japanese tourism: spaces, places and structures (for an essay...)

last film: harry potter and the goblet of fire

last tv show: squid game season 2

sweet/savoury/spicy: savoury yum

relationship status: engaged

last thing i googled: 'scallion pancake' lmao

current obsession: call of duty

looking forward to: going on vacation zzz

tags: @mhmmhmmhm777 @codnasties @souls-for-fandoms @shadowcompanygirl @thechaoticcheese @gaz-oline @insertcoolcharactername @sai-int @guhbwuh

me and my mama are going out for drinks and italian food on wednesday i’m lit so exited she’s my fav person ever