Every Episode Of House Ever

Newt: hi this auror tina goldstein is missing have you seen her

Yusuf: what does she look like

Newt, crying: beautiful

Stark Kids

ENDGAME SPOILERS

Peter didn’t really know what to do with himself at the funeral.

After wandering around in a grief-induced haze, he ended up sitting by the lake alone, imagining maybe Mr. Stark would jump out of it and jumpscare him. He’d done that a few times in the lab. Peter hadn’t thought it was funny at the time, but now he’d give anything for him to do it again.

Little footsteps sounded, and a little girl edged herself up onto the log next to him.

“What’re you looking at?” She asked.

Peter shrugged, “Nothing.”

“You’re Spidey, aren’t you?”

Peter nodded, “Yup.”

“Daddy told me about you,” Morgan said.

Peter looked down at the girl, surprised, “What?”

“There’s a picture with you in it in the kitchen,” Morgan explained, “I asked about it and Daddy said the boy there was a hero he used to know. He said you were gone.”

“I was,” Peter admitted, “But your dad saved me.”

“I thought so,” Morgan said thoughtfully, “You know, Daddy was sad when he talked about you. Mommy said it was because he loved you very much and he thought you being gone was his fault.”

“Did she?” Peter asked, trying not to cry.

“Yes, she did,” Morgan said matter-of-factly, “You know, you look like me. You have brown hair and brown eyes like me. It’s because you’re my brother, right?”

“What?”

“You look like Daddy, and I look like Daddy. He loves both of us very much and he said he used to give you popsicles just like he gives me popsicles. So you must be my big brother, right?”

Peter shrugged, not knowing what to say.

Someone else sat down on Peter’s other side.

“Harley,” Morgan said nonchalantly.

The boy who looked a bit older than Peter looked confused that she recognized him, “You know me?”

“Of course,” Morgan said, rolling her tiny eyes, “Daddy said you almost shot him with a potato gun.”

Harley chuckled, “Yeah, I did. I helped him fix his suit.”

“I know that,” Morgan said, “Mommy said she wouldn’t be alive if you hadn’t helped him, and if she wasn’t alive, I wouldn’t be alive. You saved me and Mommy and Daddy.”

Harley looked caught off-guard, “I guess I did.”

“You look more like Mommy than Daddy,” Morgan decided, “But that’s okay. I think I can love both my big brothers either way.”

Harley exchanged a look with Peter. They both knew they weren’t really Morgan’s brothers.

But still… Peter could sense the silent agreement that they would both do anything for this little girl.

“We can love you, too, little sis,” Peter promised as Morgan wiggled in between the two of them for warmth.

Watching from the porch, Pepper managed to crack a smile.

Her little girl wasn’t going to have to be alone. None of her children were.

the “tumblr community invents a whole mafia movie apparently directed by martin scorsese with an official soundtrack, movie posters, screen caps, and all enough to make one question if that movie really did exist at all like a mandela effect” was not part of my 2022 bingo card

all these stories about how the modern day dionysian ritual is going out and murdering someone in the woods…the true modern day dionysian ritual is drunkenly going to taco bell at 3 am and i dare anyone to tell me otherwise

Jenny: You were supposed to keep Mister Harrow under surveillance, not chase him into a coronary!

McGee: Director, once he made us, we had to take him into custody, didn't we?

Ziva: No, the Director's right. We could of let Haro escape. If he sold ARES, we could of caught "Black Rose" or "La Grenouille" selling it to Iran!

Jenny: Don't be cute, Officer David! I'm saying there had to be a better way! Right Tony? [Jenny glares at Tony for some support]

Tony: Uh, that's right Director. They could've -

Gibbs: - Shot him.

Tony: That's right, they could have shot him.

Gibbs: Of course, in high octane situation, Ziva reverts to her Mossad training and probably would've put a round through his heart.

Ziva: Three rounds...

Gibbs: And McGee, not to be outdone, would've -

McGee: - Added three more rounds.

Jenny: Gibbs...

Gibbs: See, there you go. Six rounds, same result. One dead Mister Harrow.

[Ducky walks over to the group]

Ducky: I signed for the body. Cause of death was most likely a - [noticing Jenny glaring at Gibbs] Am I interrupting?

Jenny: Not at all, Doctor. We were just discussing the various ways NCIS could have killed Mister Harrow besides chasing him to death!

Ducky: I am interrupting... [Turns around and starts to walk away]

Jenny: Doctor! [Ducky turns back] Death was most likely caused by?

Ducky: Myocardial Infarction. It was probably brought on by a combination of a high fat Western diet, little exercise, and the mistaken belief he could run up all those stairs. Rigorous for most - rigor mortis for him.

Jenny: Anything else?

Ducky: Well, not until I do the - [Jenny glares at Gibbs and then hurries off] - autopsy.

t'challa: we’re stuck in this God knows where universe how are you not worried

peter: she will find me anyways

shuri: who

duolingo owl with glowing red eyes tearing through the fabric of the soul realm reality: HOLA MADREFUCKER DONDE ESTA LA BIBLIOTECA

Queen

One of the best parts of The Crimes of Grindelwald was when McGonagall undid the hex on the girl’s mouth and cast it again when she started talking badly about Leta.

Literally nothing will ever be as satisfying as the 4 minute long fight sequence in Kingsman: The Secret Service, in which Colin Firth mercilessly wastes an entire Westboro Basptist Church like congregation as the guitar solo from Lynard Skynard’s 1973 anthem Freebird plays in the background.

Avengers Assemble!

She Has a Degree in Accounting Too, You Know

Pepper Potts always told people that she was hired as Tony’s personal secretary because his last one had quit, he needed a new one, and she was there. The truth, however, is that Tony had known she was qualified from the get-go. 

He noticed ALL of his employees. Didn’t matter if it was a member of the board or the janitor who works nights on Thursdays, Fridays, and Sundays. Tony notices things. It’s basically the only thing that’s keeping him from going off the deep end. He hates dealing with business. He’s always preferred inventions to talking to people about things like stock and commercials and how his public image will affect the sales. (The board acts like him going out with a model is going to bring stock points down or whatever. It’s not going to.) 

Tony notices Virginia Potts six months before he hires her and the day that she started working for the department she was supposed to be in. She was supposed to work as a manager of sorts for accounting, and from what Tony heard from his good friend Tanya down there, Virginia was scarily good at what she did. Ms. Potts didn’t fuck around with anyone, never accepted less than perfection, but was also incredibly understanding of financial situations and compromise. Tony nodded and carried on with his invention. He thought the board would really like The Jericho. He, of course, named it. The irony was fitting. 

Virginia is known for zero tolerance. Men call her various names along the line of “Frigid Bitch,” “Slut,” and “Prude.” Most of these terms contradicted each other, and Tony leveled the “we’re-just-talking” insults with a steady gaze. “She’s not a slut or a prude because she does her job better than you can,” he says flippantly. “Speaking of which, Peterson! Your numbers have down for two months. I’m having you step down, Alejandres is taking your spot.” Peterson glowers, but Tony honestly can’t bring himself to give a shit. 

Virginia Potts unflinchingly deals with businessmen who call her things like “darling,” sweetheart,” or “girly.” She kindly tells them that they are not allowed to refer to her as such. Her name is Ms. Potts, not any iteration. They grumble as she grins and tears their “deals” apart with a smile as sharp as a shark’s tooth. Her hair is never out of place as she shuts down employees who are being rude. Tony lets each one go with a talk about workplace discrimination under their belts. Howard and Obie may have tolerated it, but Tony will not. 

Virginia Potts points out an accounting mistake that would have cost the company around two million dollars. The accounting person insists that they have it right, and if she’s so sure that the person with a degree in their field is wrong, then they can take it up with Tony Stark Himself. Virginia looks over the sheet one more time. 

“I have a degree in accounting too,” she primly informs him. “But of course, Mr. Stark is the expert of his own company. I’ll set up an appointment.” 

She meets him a week later in his office when he’s trying to make a leaning tower of cantaloupe squares. She’s wearing her finest pencil skirt and blazer, heels tall enough to kill a man, and levels him with an unimpressed gaze. 

“Mr. Stark. I’m here to discuss an accounting mistake.” Tony’s fruit tower is knocked down as he glances at the paper. 

“Who was about to cost the company two million dollars because they refused to recheck their math?” 

“Tom Martin.” 

“Have someone tell him he needs to clear his desk by Monday. That’s unacceptable.” She raises her eyebrow at him. 

“I’m not your messenger, Mr. Stark.” He smiles for a split-second. If she accepted the job proposition, then she would be great at it. 

“Would you like to be? I’m in the market for a new personal assistant.” 

“Did you get bored with the other one?” Virginia asks. She seems to realize her remark was a hair too unprofessional, but doesn’t relent. Tony laughs. 

“You have a little bit of a kick to you, don’t you?” Tony asks. “I’m calling you Pepper. Would you like to be a personal assistant? I promise you that you, at least, won’t be bored.” She’s apprehensive. 

“Don’t call me Pepper. What do I do?” 

“I’m calling you Pepper. You do a lot of things. Drag me to board meetings, help me be a regular person to the outside world, and get a bump in pay.” 

“Fine.” 

Pepper Potts is…scary. She’s unafraid of calling Tony out on his bullshit behavior. She’s the drive behind his evolving fashion sense. (”You have money to buy a tailored suit that fits,” she says. “You’re getting one. I booked the appointment for one. If you don’t go, I’ll drag you there by the ear.”) She always looks put together and almost never has a hair out of place unless she gets to the workshop and manhandles him out from under a car. 

“That’s a Tin Lizzy!” Tony hisses. “You can’t touch her like that! She’s a classic!” 

“You’re about to get a classic, public dressing down by me if you don’t move and get dressed for the board meeting,” she hisses right back. “I packed you a lunch. Go.” Tony grumbles. She packed a goddamn Lunchable with a smiley face Post-It that says “since you’re being such a little bitch :)”

Tony kind of loves her. 

She understands a lot more about business than even Tony gave her credit. Sometimes, she’ll even contribute ideas. Pepper always nervously laughs and says she could never be in such a high position of power. 

Tony feigns laziness and has her decide an executive decision. 

It’s a start. 

So when Pepper laughs with one of her business friends about how Tony impulse-hired her on the spot because his last one had quit, Tony always grins.