Felt A Lack Of Shit Posts And We Just Can't Have That

robbed…… WE WERE ROBBED

I just finished p5r for the 7th time, here we go

Sojiro: Have you guys seen Ryuji and Futaba? They haven't finished their cocoa

Ren: No, haven’t seen them since the storm started

Sojiro: Since the sto- RYUJI NO!

Ryuji, standing in the middle of a thunderstorm with an shovel raised high: STRIKE ME DOWN ZEUS, YOU DON’T HAVE THE BALLS

Ren, completely serious: Sir, it has been reported lately that you do, in fact, have little paw-paws and a little button nose. Do you care to comment?

Morgana:

Ren: Riveting

Sojiro, walking in: Am I interrupting something?

Haru: I would die for you.

Makoto: I would die for you too.

Haru, suddenly very emotional: Please don’t

Futaba, in a high voice, holding Barbie: Hey Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!

Ren, in a deep voice, holding Ken: Nonsense, Barbie. you’re staying home and having my kids

Sojiro: What the fuck are you guys doing?

Futaba: Playing systemic oppression

Ren: The next time Goro's angry with me, I'll drape him in a cape and say "now you're super angry"

Ren: Maybe he'll laugh, maybe I’ll die.

Ryuji: Why are you so pissed off all the time?

Akechi: *Polls out a scroll*

Akechi: Reason number one out of two thousand four hundred and—

Ryuji: Okay, okay! I get it, there’s a lot.

Akechi: *Smirks before proceeding to roll the scroll up and put it back in his bag*

Ryuji: You just carry that thing with you everywhere?

Akechi: I get asked a lot.

Akechi: Hey, do you like shrimp?

Sojiro: Not really..?

Akechi: Ramen?

Sojiro: Not much.

Akechi: Then you're not gonna like what I did.

Sojiro: What? You made shrimp ramen?

Akechi: No. I fucked your son.

Ryuji: Just before I die, I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation much more interesting.

Makoto: Okay, but consider this; What if you didn't.

Kidnapper, about Ryuji: We have your friend.

Akechi: Let me speak with him

Kidnapper: Go ahead you’re on speaker

Akechi: Dumbass.

Ren: Goro and Ryuji had a fight once and it went like this:

Ryuji: Anything that comes out of your mouth is fucking stupid!

Akechi: Ryuji Sakamoto.

Ren: To this day, I still laugh out loud in inappropriate settings because I randomly think about it.

Ren: Hostage or not, sometimes it's nice being held.

Some Shadow:

Shadow: Are you okay?

Sae: WHY IS THE BUILDING ON FIRE?

Yusuke: A dragon sneezed.

Ann: I tried to light a cigar with a flame thrower.

Ryuji: Dropped my latest mix tape.

Sae: Ren, please tell me what happened.

[Flashback to Ren and Futaba arguing that it was impossible to light a fire extinguisher on fire]

Ren: Um.

Ren: I don’t remember.

Maruki: On a scale from 1-10, rate your pain.

Akechi: Pi. A minimal but a never ending number.

Maruki: What in the actual-

Ryuji coming up with a frankly terrible idea: I think we should do this.

Yusuke, who somehow got stuck being the voice of reason: No, Futaba, tell him we can't.

Futaba, who was already running the logistics the moment Ryuji opened his mouth: I think your plan is dumb as bricks, but man, do I wanna see where it goes.

Ren, who just wants to see the world burn: If it fails, we'll just blame Ryuji.

Ryuji: Yusuke's in charge, though.

Futaba: Yusuke, then.

Akechi: Ren and I don't have pet names for each other.

Ryuji: What do bees make?

Akechi: ..Honey?

Ryuji:

Ruiji: Huh, really thought that would work

Akechi: Dumbass.

Ren, from another room: yeah?

Ren: What are Ryuji and Ann arguing about this time?

Morgana: They have a bet going about what Akechi is like in bed. Ann thinks she’s secretly really caring, but Ryuji thinks he’s kinky.

Ren: Yeah, he’s both.

Morgana:

Ryuji:

Ann:

Ren:

Ren: I MEAN-

Makoto: Did you seriously bring a butter knife to the Metaverse?!

Ren: You get angry so fast, it was the only weapon I could find on such short notice!

Yusuke: But you know, you have to admit it is BUTTER than nothing.

Makoto:

Ren:

Yusuke: I'm sorry.

Ren: Is it too much to ask to just have a quiet night in? Slippers, tea, a nice movie?

The shadow he's currently got in a headlock: Oh mooooood.

Makoto: For self defense reasons, I’m gonna pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely.

Yusuke: Okay

Akechi: Sure.

Makoto: If you want to live, give me all your money!

Yusuke: Bold of you to assume I have money.

Akechi: Bold of you to assume I want to live.

Makoto:

Makoto: Really?

Akechi: The path to inner peace begins with four words.

Akechi: NOT. MY. FUCKING. PROBLEM.

Ryuji: You've all heard of elf on the shelf, now get ready for-

Ryuji, placing a pot on Akechi's head: Thot in a pot

Akechi:

Akechi, getting up from his seat: Get ready for a bitch in a ditch because that's where you're gonna find your fucking body, you little-

Makoto: I need you to swear-

Haru: Fuck!

Makoto: Swear as in promise....

Sojiro: Why the hell are there bullet holes in Leblanc?!

Ren: There was a cockroach.

Sojiro: And...?

Futaba: It started flying towards Akechi.

Akechi: I hate you.

Ren: Well, according to this picture Yusuke painted of us having sex, that is untrue

Futaba, swinging from the chandelier: Makoto!!!! Look at me!!!!

Makoto, following Futaba in case she falls: I'm crying- I'm begging. Please, stop.

Futaba, after winning a fight in a palace: It’s like we just cleared a video game on easy.

Makoto: Real combat is NOT like a video game.

Ryuji, in the background: Hey, coins!

Sojiro, sighing tiredly: Futaba, I promise there are no monsters under your bed okay?

Futaba, scoffing: Not monster- MOBster. There is a mobster under my bed.

*Clicking is heard as gun safety is taken off*

Ryuji, pointing a model gun at Sojiro: Ya didn’t see shit.

Sojiro, exasperatedly: Ryuji you have your own house.

Morgana to Haru: Okay, now observe.

Morgana: EVERYONE, The floor is lava!

Ann: *Helps Makoto and Sumire onto the counter*

Futaba: *Pushes Ryuji off the sofa*

Morgana: As you can see, there are two types of people–

Akechi: *Collaspes onto the floor*

Morgana: ....Three-

Makoto: Sophia found out she could sneakily put post-its on people's backs without them knowing

Makoto: But she doesn't know they should say things like 'kick me', so they all just have smiley faces on them

Murderer: *Chasing Ren around Leblanc*

Ren: ALEXA! PLAY THE SCOOBY DOO THEME SONG!

Ryuji: Dude, why the hell is there blood everywhere!?

Yusuke: Well, you see, it's simple color theory-

Futaba: WHO ATE MY CURRY?

Ryuji: Don’t look at me

Futaba: INARI, WAS IT YOU?

Yusuke: *Looks at Sumire*

Sumire:

Yusuke: It was Sumire..

Sumire: YUSUKE YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN´T TELL-

Futaba: Oh, it was you, baby? Was it good? Want some more?

Ryuji: This motherf-

Ann: Would you kiss Yusuke for a million yen?

Ryuji: I guess..?

Ryuji: But, I mean, I don’t really have that kind of money..

Ren: Okay guys, meet your new teammate Hifumi. She gave me two dollars this morning for some reason, so I bought a jelly pouch with it.

Makoto, whispering: Why did you give him two dollars?

Hifumi, whispering back: I thought he was homeless

Morgana: You're losing blood. What's your type?

Ryuji, bleeding out: Blue hair, skinny, broke as fuck-

Morgana: Your blood type, Ryuji.

Ryuji: Oh-

Ryuji:

Ryuji: Red?

Ann: Aw, he's so cute.

Ren: Thanks, he's a rescue.

Akechi: Stop calling me that!

Ren: If I was a famous author, I would publish a book with ten different endings, each of which would print with varying degrees of rarity, but not tell the fans about it so that I could watch their confusion as they disagree over how the story ended. Then, when they figure it out, I would ‘come clean’, telling them that there were actually 11 different endings and watch them scramble to find the last ending.

Futaba: Are you Satan?

Ryuji: I’ll pay you $5 to do that right now.

Ryuji: Dude...

Yusuke: You had your tongue in my mouth 5 minutes ago. Don't you dare call me 'dude'.

Makoto: The game is two truths and one lie. Ren, you go first.

Ren: Okay, my hair is black, my eyes are brown, and last week my boyfriend was driving me to Chipotle and he asked if I wanted to see him drift and corner so I said yes and he drifted onto Angel street.

Makoto: Right idea Ren, but you really have to make it more challenging-

Ryuji: His eyes are black.

Makoto:

Makoto: Goro did what?!

Chihiya: May I read your tarot, sir?

Goro: A fortune teller? Very well, then.

Chihiya:

Chihiya: It just says "Yikes".

Sae: Don't be a smartass, Ren.

Ren: Dumbass it is then.

Ann: Would you rather be proposed to in private or in front of family and friends?

Ren: Private. Because when he gets off his knees, I’m getting on mine.

Akechi: *Chokes on his coffee*

Ren: I am a complex person with complex emotions, like “tired” and “food” and even the rarer third emotion, “gun”.

Makoto: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no clue what to put in them. Suggestions?

Ryuji: Put spaghetti in it.

Makoto: I'm currently taking suggestions from literally anyone but you.

Ren: Put spaghetti in it.

Makoto: I'm currently taking suggestions from anyone but you two.

Futaba: Put spaghetti in it.

Makoto: I am no longer taking suggestions.

Ren: *Slowly reaches for a container at a grocery store labeled Forbidden Rice*

Sojiro, smacking his hand: Can’t you read?!

Sojiro: That’s not funny.

Futaba: I thought it was funny.

Sojiro: You don't count. You started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw on Tumblr.

Akechi, to the theives: And if you have any suggestions, feel free to put them in the suggestion box.

Ryuji: But— that’s a trash can.

Akechi: It sure is.

Ren: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?

Futaba: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies

Haru: Socks are Feetie Heaties

Ann: Forks are Stabby Grabbies

Yusuke: Defibrillators are heartie starties

Ryuji: Stamps are lickie stickies

Sumire: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies

Akechi: I hate it here.

Yusuke, at the hospital: I'm here to see my husband.

Receptionist: And your husband is...?

Yusuke: You must be new here.

Ryuji, down the hall on crutches: Yusuke! *Trips*

Yusuke: That would be the love of my life.

Haru: Every single person you know has something in their life and past that is probably worth collapsing to the ground in an uncontrollably sobbing heap over, so be nice to each other and tell good jokes!

Futaba: Sumire is my...

Ren: come on you can do it

Futaba: Sumire is my g...g...

Ren: You're so close.

Futaba: g-

Futaba: gir-.. g-

Futaba: G-GAY FRIEND

Ren, sighing: Close enough.

Yusuke: Oh, he's handsome.

Ryuji: *Blushes and trips over his own feet when they make eye contact*

Yusuke: A gorgeous loser.

Mishima, after meeting Shinya: Seven-year-olds are the meanest people in the world. They terrify me to this day.

Mishima: If I'm on the street on like, a Friday, at 3 PM and I see a group of elementary-schoolers on the side of the street, I will immediately cross to the other side of the street.

Kidnapper: We have him.

Ren: Who?

Kidnapper, about Akechi: We have your boyfriend.

Ren: Oh.

Kidnapper: "Oh"?

Ren: Yeah, you don't have him. He has you. Good luck

Makoto: You know, not every problem can be solved with a gun.

Akechi: That's why I carry two guns.

Ren, seductively taking off his glasses: Wow... You're... really blurry.

Akechi: Thanks.

Akechi: You really don’t get to choose who you love

Akechi, gesturing at Ren: I would know because I’m stuck liking this guy

Haru: What kind of woman doesn't have an axe?

Makoto: What’s something you guys are better than Akechi at?

Futaba: Mario Kart.

Ren: Cooking.

Haru: Emotional vulnerability.

Ren, trying to create a sense of calm by lighting incense, only to find out that the sticks were actually sparklers:

Ren: This is actually painfully on-brand for me.

Futaba: I wonder what butterflies taste like.

Ren: They taste bad.

Futaba: How do you know that?

Ren: I answered your question. That's all you're getting

Ryuji, trying to ask Yusuke out: Do you eat? I do. Want to do it in the same room sometime?

Ann: Elf on the shelf? How about *Pans to Yusuke in the sink* twink in the sink

More toh + Text posts

Ninjago textposts because. Yeah.

Sources: tumblr, Twitter, the onion, and screenshotsofdespair

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can we get some wet cat dedf1sh

Acht waking up with #35 Caught in one hand and phone in the other. “MARINA I WOKE UP AND IM A FURRY WHERE ARE YOU WHERE AM I?!”

*Stares directly into the camera*

Random Splatoon thought but with how obvious Side Order showed that Pearl and Marina are together, it’d be funny if one of the splatfests was about Deep Cut trying to figure out what wedding gift they should get the two.

Each of them have an idea on what’d be the perfect wedding gift, Shiver being generic but practical, Frye being flamboyant but useful, and Big Man being weird but traditional (at least traditional for his clan).

We don’t even know it’s for Pearl and Marina until after the Splatfest, they just say “friends of ours are getting married” and then when the winner is announced it’s revealed who’s wedding it’s for “Alright, it’s decided. We’ll get Pearl and Marina _____, as their wedding gift.”

Then of course a follow up that Pearl is a bit miffed that Deep Cut not only announced it to everyone but let others decide for them what to get as a gift.

I doubt Nintendo would do that considering the anti-gay countries that have Splatoon but hey, they could just give them…idk, Dogs vs Cats vs Birds for a Splatfest.

please tell us about deep sea expedition

yes.... finally......... i can SHILL..........

basically, deep sea expedition or WHATEVER it would be called would be the salmon run dlc. wave THREE of splatoon THREE's dlc waves. you feel me?

so i've done just two posts before about this idea, but it would star agent 4 as our player character. reasons why?

agent four and agent 8 both having dlcs in splat3 would be a great way to pay homage to splatoon 2, since both were the protagonists of that game

grizzco and salmon run were introduced to the series with splatoon 2, might as well have the protgaonist of that game be the one to end the salmon run story line since return of the mammalians focuses more on mr. grizz himself instead of the salmonids

the basic idea for gameplay i have for this DLC would be a mix of a more open world approach (think security breach: RUIN) alongside a the PVE horde gameplay from salmon run. agent 4 would have to fight through hordes of salmonids and other deep sea creatures to descend deeper to reach a sort of salmonid capital. think maybe like... sparta? since the salmonids are inspired by that. maybe a giant ass collesuem (i know thats in rome i do not care).

point is, you start near the surface and have to descend to defeat the bosses (ha get it. cus side order has an elevator where you go up? im clever i think sometimes)

actually this sounds a bit like doom. oh well

i'd like to think there's some sort of phenomena of like... underwater air pockets. like underwater caves? where a bunch of civilizations are maybe? would be pretty neat to see all the stuff where salmonids go when they arent doing the salmon run part, among other species that could live in these areas considered the deep sea metro

(the naming coincidences are not lost on me but i have no idea what else to call this hypothetical salmon run DLC)

story? agent 4 has been stranded in hostile, salmonid territory with no backup, a faulty pair of grizzco (tm) dualies, and her wits. 4 meets a goldie salmonid, named chrysos, who takes 4 under their fin (ha) to help them find a way home. 4 and chrysos must explore deeper into the heart of the sea to find enough super golden eggs (name and idea pending) to have enough power to send 4 home.

thats the working synopsis anyway, excluding major spoilers and all

apart of the open world sections of the DLC would have the player controlling 4 and chrysos in a kind of open world diving situation. four is equipped with a prototype pressurized underwater scuba gear that makes it safe for ink-based people to go underwater! its grizzco brand and needs many upgrades (that could be acquired thru out the story).

im thinking for these sections you'd be timed to find an air pocket or new treasure of sorts? and if you run out of time idk 4 runs out of air or something and gets splatted. dw they have a life preserver which chrysos would reactivate to save four, basically restarting the level from the beginning.

chrysos would be a very straightforward character with a dry sense of humor and a natural curiosity for all things from the surface. they're helping 4 out of the goodness of their heart and to satiate that curiosity of what inklings are like, among other reasons.

they pluck one of their scales at the beginning of the story to help power up the faulty grizzco dualies, which would also be a tutorial on how to like.... level up? get upgrades? not sure

this was long! if you have any more questions feel free to ask. i love the salmonids and i love agent 4. mwah

sibling shenanigans

[id: it is a comic of Nya, Kai and Lloyd from Ninjago. In the first image, Nya is walking towards a couch, looking exhausted. She then throws herself onto the couch, landing face first. As she lays there, Kai peeks in from the side before throwing himself over the couch and on top of Nya, falling on his back. Lloyd then peeks in from the other side, smiling, as Kai looks up at him from where he is laying on top of Nya. Lloyd then throws himself, grinning, belly first and with his arms extended over both Kai and Nya, Kai scoots backwards and looks at Lloyd with wide eyes while Nya’s face, also wide-eyed, is peeking out from between Kai’s feet. The last image is of Lloyd, mumbling a “sorry”, laying on top of Nya with his arms resting curled on her back, Nya is once again face down and she is clenching her fist in pain while Kai is laying on her legs, leaning back on the armrest with one arm on the back rest of the couch, amused./ end id ]