Listen. The Picture Of Dorian Gray Should Not Be Hard To Adapt. Drag Ben Whishaw Or Nick Hoult Or Somebody

Listen. The Picture of Dorian Gray should not be hard to adapt. Drag Ben Whishaw or Nick Hoult or somebody out of the opium dens to play Lord Henry, it's not as if we're strapped for gorgeous dissolute twinks. Kidnap 20-year-old Heath Ledger from the year 1999 to play Dorian. Summon the ghost of Pier Paolo Pasolini from Hell and tell him that if he doesn't direct another indescribably awful gay arthouse pornohorror, the fascists will win. And - this is crucial - make it gay, but in the worst way possible. I want it to set the discourse back 15 years. People should walk out of the theater asking if gay marriage should be legal.

It simply is not that difficult.