Bruce, High On Pain Meds: I Need To- You All Have To Listen. You Deserve To Know. You’re All Old Enough

Bruce, high on pain meds: i need to- you all have to listen. you deserve to know. You’re all old enough now.

Dick: this is gonna be good

Tim, grinning: what do we need to know?

Bruce: one of you is adopted,

The kids:

Bruce, tearing up: and im SO sorry, but i just- i can’t remember who-!

Jason, gleefully: I’LL REMIND YOU- *mouth covered by Dick*

Bruce: *sobs and then passes out*

The kids:

Jason, shoving Dick off him: GET- off me! wake him up we have to tell him it’s Damian

Damian: ME!?

Jason, looking for somebody else to fuck with now Bruce is down: you look the least like him- I mean come on, those twig arms,

Jason, pointing at a passed out Bruce: you are NOT the father.

Steph: *chokes on a wheeze*

Damian, incredulous: are you- DUKES BLACK

Duke: what and you’re white? don’t fucking start this shit kid

Damian, drawing his katana: i will not have my inheritence questioned like this-

Duke, warningly: *starts glowing*

Jason: *starts filming*

Dick: oh god… Bruce is gonna wake up to Damian in the hospital. what are we gonna tell him?

Tim, eating popcorn: i dunno about you but i’m gonna tell him he got high and started a race war to see how much he panics.

in the background, Duke: *shoots Damian into the side of the wall*

Damian: *leaps back with a war cry*

Jason, looking at his phone: oh you think telling him is gonna make him panic? i’m saying it on twitter and letting him find out through WE getting boycotted

Dick:

Dick: arguably worse than trying to make him kill the joker but ok

Tim: now hold up man i work there too-

More Posts from Buffchonkfroggo and Others

7 months ago

Tim tells the Batclan he's going on a space mission with Young Justice for a few weeks, he's got everything sorted civilian side and his cases and patrol routes covered, and also if any of his usual Rogue's Gallery suddenly comes looking for him don't worry about it.

And all of that is fine and normal - except that last part hey Tim what the fuck does that mean?

and Tim just goes it's fine don't worry about it anyway gotta go bye! and then he just bounces

and everything is fine until not even a day later when Babs forwards them a video Red Robin uploaded to his social medias that is a music video of him (Red Robin) seductively lip-syncing along to Chappell Roan's "My Kink is Karma" against a backdrop of fail compilation clips of several of the villains Tim has a particular grudge against, including Azrael, Lex Luthor, and most prominently Ra's al Ghul.

so there's Tim, in a form-fitting catsuit styled like his Red Robin costume, in heels, feeling himself up with a video clip in the background showing Ra's tripping on his own robes and face planting into the brickwork, evidence he dyes out some of the gray in his hair, his sash coming undone and pants falling off in the middle of a fight, trying to swipe the effects of a glitterbomb off of himself, etc.

It all ends with the Mean Girls clip of "why are you so obsessed with me?"

The video is immediately viral.

(There's some clips of Red Hood in there fucking up but Jason can't even be mad because he's laughing so hard he's gonna throw up)

Tim's Rogues absolutely DO show up to Gotham looking for him, and while they all want revenge, Red Robin is THEIR arch enemy like HELL are they going to work with these other embarrassments, so they all start fighting each other and it is absolutely CHAOS (Lex decides discretion is the better part of valor and makes a statement that no of course he has nothing against Red Robin he has no idea why he was included in that video haha yes of course it was Very Funny when a bird accidentally pooped on his head he is Very Capable of laughing at himself Thank You, and then he quietly goes to one of his vacation houses and moodily drinks for several days waiting for things to blow over)

Tim, meanwhile, is having a wonderful vacation with Young Justice, catching up with Lobo and Slobo, chasing down some space pirates, and just getting out of Gotham and away from his Rogues trying to challenge him/seduce him/kill him/whatever.

Bruce is taking the constant psychic damage of having the image of softcore Red Robin erotica burned into his brain along with the realization that way, way, WAY too many of Tim's Rogues want to sleep with him like an absolute champ. (Dick is not taking it like a champ, Dick is taking it like an unhinged vengeful wraith and has had to be benched for trying to tear out Ra's throat with his teeth.)

Stephanie is having the Time of Her Life. Damian cannot look anyone in the eye and absolutely cannot look Ra's (or his mother who ALSO showed up prominently in the video) in the face and is Not Having the Time of His Life.

(Jason is with Steph on this one, he is having SUCH a blast, this is so fucking hysterical)

1 year ago

i do think merlin and arthur had the perfect dynamic. an episode would end with arthur being like merlin you're my closest friend and confidante and the greatest man i've ever met. and merlin would be like i'd kill and die for you we are two sides of the same coin. and then you'd start the next episode and it would begin with arthur smacking merlin upside the head and calling him an ugly peasant and merlin calling arthur a fat idiot.

1 year ago

I really don't like any version of "Jason learns one tiny fact about how people reacted to his death and immediately is crushed by how unfair he was being and forgives everyone!!!"

However there is one version of this I would allow due to it being very funny, not a complete waste of his character potential, and close to providing real evidence of something that would let him give Bruce a pass:

Superman realizes who the Red Hood is and why he's gunning for Batman and decides to try to straighten things out before the end of Under the Red Hood. He flies over to him and explains that he was the one stopping Bruce from killing the Joker. This gets understood as Supes being the reason Batman still can't kill him. Then Jason immediately pivots his entire life to becoming a Superman villain.

Bruce gets a phonecall: "Hi Dad, I forgive you, and I'm gonna need that 100 pounds of kryptonite back right fucking now."

2 months ago
I Thought He’d Like The Shirt.

I thought he’d like the shirt.

1 year ago

13 y/o dick grayson, holding 9 y/o jason todd like a stray cat: bruce, i got a little brother!

bruce, doing paperwork for WE, not paying attention: that’s great, chum

. . .

bruce, several hours later: wait, what?!

dick: it’s okay, alfred said we can keep him!

11 months ago

I’m fast as FUCK on my forearm crutches, y’all should see me I’m fuckin SPEEDY, I’m ZOOMING you turn around to look for me? Guess what bitch IM ALREADY THERE

4 months ago

the “can you get me xyz accessibility tool please” “nah u dont need that i’ll just help you” type conversation is so frustrating to me

i appreciate that people want to help but i want to be able to do things even when you don’t feel like helping me. i want to be able to do things when you’re not around to help me. by refusing me accessibility aids, you are limiting me in a way i dont want or need to be limited, whether intentionally or not

1 month ago

No amount of "She wanted to lay-low after the war" will justify whatever the heck happened to Katara in TLOK

"She doesn't have enough reason to have a statue" And the cabbage man has?

"She wanted to focus on her children" They managed to portray Zuko a good father because of how well his children has turned out while being the freaking firelord. I don't know what's stopping the writiers from doing the same to Katara.

"She wouldn't wanted to involve herself in politics" Did we all watched ATLA????

If you think reviving the Avatar, who, if you're not aware died during the Avatar State, is not enough of a reason to even RECOGNIZE Katara's contributions, I think you need to freaking rewatch ATLA and realize how much they downgraded her in TLOK

No Amount Of "She Wanted To Lay-low After The War" Will Justify Whatever The Heck Happened To Katara
4 months ago

people with chronic pain & fatigue this is your reminder not to overdo it when you feel okay <3

please be gentle with yourself whenever possible and take things slow so you dont launch yourself (back) into a flare

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