Submitted Prompt: Universal Theater

I,,, had an urge,,,, to start a new AU! BUT I think I’m going to combine it with my Serpent AU instead!

Trying to explore new styles!

Yes!!! And every time Jason asks why there were so many bees she has a different excuse because duh, he wouldn’t keep asking if he believed her, right?

The excuses get weirder and weirder. They include, but are not limited to:

I had a bunch of flowers in my bag (“Marinette, you were cuddling the bees. Your bag was 3 feet away, on the ground.”)

I’m a beekeeper (“You live in Gotham. Where would you keep them, and would they be here?”)

I had some very strong perfume (“You absolutely did NOT.”)

I’m using them for research, as part of an experiment (“You’re a fashion designer, not a scientist.”)

I was cursed (“How would you get cursed with bees? And why?”)

I’m part of a bee cult (“Can I join?”)

Pssst @moonlitceleste I have an idea

Okay alright so @moonlitceleste bee movie AU where the only change from the normal bee movie AUs is that Jason is VERY scared of bees.

He jumps 3 feet in the air, hits his head, and passes out for 12 hours the first time he meets Pollen.

He wouldn’t leave the covers of Mari’s bed for 3 days after he first met Chloé, aka Queen Bee. He is very scared of her.

Random things the bat kids are afraid of:

Dick: chocking on the grape when he tries to catch them with his mouth.

Jason: bees

Tim: slipping in the shower

Damian: Santa clause

Duke: cutting himself while shaving

Cass: hula hooping

Steph: that she forgot to remove her fork from her leftovers and that the microwave will explode

Barbra: sending a text to the wrong person and then forgetting about it

Bruce: Bats

Alfred: nothing??? Have y’all seen this man??? God herself could go for the neck and Alfred would probably just high-five her

An AU where Stoneheart’s akuma doesn’t multiply, thanks to Lady Bunnyx!

Please lmk if you want to hear more of this AU!

Comment if you want to be added to the tag list for it, please!

Are fedoras really that bad?

YES YES THEY ARE

No need to thank me; I really enjoy talking with you and hearing about your AUs! :D

And also this is amazing!!!!!

Tᕼᗴ ᑕᕼᗩOTIᑕ ᗩᑎᘜᗴᒪ

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7)

[I would once again like to thank my wonderful Miraculous friend, @buginetye, for helping me in creating more wonderful ideas for this fic, hope you're having an absolutely wonderful day]

Chapter 7: Greetings Mighty Mushu

·•·–—–·•†•·–—–·•·

Marinette enjoyed her day at Titan Tower, she definitely enjoyed the magic summoning. She had spent almost half the day there and was now walking back home with Mushu hiding in the hoodie of her winter jacket.

Walking down the empty alley not far from her home, Mushu poped his head out to look around.

"... Damn, the world looks like shit now, what did you humans do to it?" - Mushu

"Well, this is an alley, normally they look a bit nicer, but we're in Gotham, so it has its own unique charm to it." - Marinette walking down the alley

"... Ah yes, the sight of garbage, and old puddles of blood are very ‘Charming’" - Mushu pointing out the garbage and one old blood puddle

"It's Gotham, it only gets better sight wise in the center of the city, and worse crime wise all over." - Marinette now back on the sidewalk and heading towards a heavily overgrown parking lot

"... How have humans not gone extinct yet?" - Mushu

"Don't know, it's honestly a miracle." - Marinette walking through the heavily overgrown parking lot

"I'll never understand you humans... Anyway, why does it feel like we're in a jungle?" - Mushu

"It's a saftey measure." - Marinette continued walking as the thick brush seemed to part for her to pass.

"... Am I seeing things, or did those plants just move out of the way for you?" - Mushu rubbed his eyes before seeing more of the plants open up, showing a clear path - "It's like fucking Narnia all over again!"

"Wait, you've seen the movie Narnia?" - Marinette paused for a moment to get a better look at Mushu

"No, there is no ‘The Movie Narnia’, I'm talking about Narnia, it's a mystical world where I once had a holder that lived there... The talking Lion was a bit weird, even for me." - Mushu

"... It actually exists?" - Marinette

"Of course! There were even three human children from this dimension that went to Narnia, though I'm not sure how many years ago that may have been." - Mushu

"I-... I don't know how to respond to that." - Marinette stood on the open path, now wondering if every movie/book that was fantasy related, was actually based on real things

Only one way to find out

"... Um... Do you know what lightsabers are?" - Marinette

"You mean those glowy sticks that come in a lot of colors?" - Mushu

"Yes." - Marinette

"... Is this another one of those ‘movies’ of yours or something?" - Mushu

"Maybe..." - Marinette

"... Let me guess, you want to know if ‘The Force Is Strong Within You’, and try to find a way to get a glowy stick too? Is that it?" - Mushu crossed his t̶i̶n̶y̶ travel size arms as he spoke

"... Possibly." - Marinette slowly continued down the path

"... That ain't gonna happen." - Mushu hid himself back in Marinette's hoodie, cutting off their conversation. And Marinette got the message and kept walking... for about a minute

"... So, are you the ‘Kwami’ of Sass or?" - Marinette almost at the end of the path

"What the hell makes you think that?" - Mushu popped back out to look at Marinette

"You just seem a bit sassy to me." - Marinette

"Oh no you didn't!" - Mushu moved his head side to side and snapped his claws while moving his paw infront of his face

"Or Drama? Which is it?" - Marinette walking up to a gate

"Neither! I'll have you know, 𝐈 am the Kwami of Perfection!" - Mushu

"That's kinda vague don't you think?" - Marinette walking through the gate and closing it behind her

"...No, I'm perfect in every way, how can that be vague?" - Mushu

"Well, it's perfectly vague, you could make the world or a tiny useless object perfectly useless, or perfectly useful. So, I see it as a vague thing." - Marinette walking towards a buildings' garden with many, many different kinds of plants

"Okay, I see your point, but... It's perfection." - Mushu's words made Marinette laugh - "What is it now?"

"It's just, with you, someone could draw the shittiest drawing in history, and if you ‘perfected’ it, it would become the perfect shitty masterpiece!" - Marinette had to stop walking from all the laughter

"... That's not funny." - Mushu

"Yes it is! ... WAIT! Has it actually happened?!" - Marinette tried to sound serious, but still had a few giggles as she spoke

"... You people enjoyed those cave paintings didn't you?" - Mushu

"... Holy shit you're old." - Marinette finally stopped laughing when it sunk in Mushu was ancient

"... I'm gonna sleep now, m'kay?" - Mushu stared at Marinette for a moment, before making sure to whip his tail at Marinette's cheek as he went back to the warmth of her hoodie

Marinette ignored the tail whip and entered the garden when she was completely done laughing. She continued over to the front door, and opened it. As soon as she stepped inside and closed the door behind her, she was instantly jumped my Bud and Lou, causing her to laugh as she was covered in slobber.

"Hello Marigold, how was your day?" - Ivy coming out of the kitchen to greet Marinette

"It was great, I had a lot of fun." - Marinette said as she hugged Bud and Lou one more time before getting back up

"I'm glad to hear that, dinner will be ready soon." - Ivy walked over to Marinette to give her a kiss on her forehead

"Okay... um, where is everyone else?" - Marinette couldn't sense their energy anywhere within the building

"Well, Harley is out... doing some business, Ed is running from Batman again, and Selina... I think is robbing another high-end place." - Ivy walking back to the kitchen with Marinette behind her

"Oh, well, I was hoping to show everyone something I found." - Marinette taking off her coat only to see Mushu giving her a VERY disapproving look before heading into the kitchen with Mushu on her shoulder

"And what might that be-" - Ivy froze the moment she saw this tiny thing on Marinette's shoulder.

"Marinette Isley-Quinzel, what is that?" - Ivy with a very concerned look on her face

"Before you say or do anything, this is Mushu, and I'm stuck with him?" - Marinette wasn't really sure how to tell her mom she bound her soul to a t̶i̶n̶y̶ travel size Dragon God

"Pleasure to make your acquaintance, I'm- ACK!" - Mushu was instantly grabbed by a carnivorous plant

"IT CAN TALK?!" - Ivy had the plant try and swallow Mushu

"WAIT MOM, NO! He's fine I summoned him!" - Marinette had the plant spit Mushu out, only for him to go face first on the kitchen door and stick to it, in an almost cartoon like fashion, he very slowly slid down the door

"You- what?" - Ivy was very confused

"I summoned him with magic...?" - Marinette suddenly sensed her other mom

"What'd I miss, and who summoned what?" - Harley slammed the door open with a serious look on her face... causing Mushu to get smooshed between the door and the wall, everyone heard a tiny crack of something

"What was dat sound just now?" - Harley looked at a shocked Ivy and a pale Marinette before looking behind the door and seeing a living... something smashed like a cartoon

"... Ives, have yuh been growin' your ‘special’ plants again? Cawze I tink I'm seein' tings… mawh than usual."

"No, what you're seeing is real." - Ivy walked over to Mushu, and carefully grabbed him (well more like peeled him) off the wall

"Den what am I lookin' at exactly?" - Harley poked Mushu, and saw his eye twitch - "Dat's not right."

"M-Mushu? Are you okay? How many fingers am I holding up?!" - Marinette held up 3 fingers

". . . 3?" - Mushu spoke meekly

"Are yuh okay?" - Harley asked Mushu with slight concern

"What does it look like?" - Mushu glowed faintly before returning to his normal look

"Was dat Magic?!" - Harley asked excitedly

"No, it was a trick of the light, OF COURSE IT WAS MAGIC!" - Mushu crossed his arms as he hopped onto Marinette's shoulder

"You don't have to be rude about it, besides, you're a god, you can't exactly die... right?" Marinette didn't notice the growing shock on both her mom's faces

"Of course not. Like I've said, 𝑰 am Perfection, and as such, I can't die in such an imperfect way, obviously." - Mushu lifted his head high with his chest out as he spoke in a proud manner

"Geeze, you and Chloé would love eachother." - Marinette looked at Mushu, who was ignoring her gaze

"Hold Up did I just squish a GOD?!" - Harley was both in awe and shock... mostly very concerned shock

"...Why yes you did, now *ehem*, Bow Down Before Me Foolish Mortal, Before 𝐈 Smight Thee Imperfect Self." - Mushu had such a smug look on his face, before Marinette held him upsidedown - "Hey! Blueberry, what the heck?! Put me Down this instant!" - Mushu went quite after realizing his voice cracked

"Apologize please." - Marinette holding Mushu from his tale

"For what?" - Mushu

"For freaking out my mom, she believes in that stuff, so if you please." - Marinette

"... *sigh* Because Blueberry insists, 𝑰, the Mighty Mushu, Kwami of Perfection: Apologize for what I said that may or may not have scared you." - Mushu spoke reluctantly, but sounded somewhat sincere

"... So where d'ja get de tawhkin' lizard?" - Harley asked as she went to grab some coffee

"Magic summon." - Marinette replied with a smile

"... That's it! All of Yall LISTEN UP, I am NOT a Lizard, for the last time I AM A DRAGON! D.R.A.G.O.N!" - Mushu fed up with being called a lizard

"Then why are you so tiny?" - Ivy asked innocently

"Tiny? Tiny!? I AM NOT TINY! I AM TRAVEL SIZE FOR CONVENIENCE!" - Mushu was really fed up, he hopped off of Marinette's shoulder and started walking to the door

"Mushu, where are you going?" - Marinette watching Mushu walk closer to the door

"I need some fresh air, so I'll just be outside thank you very much." - Mushu continued walking and phased through the door that lead to the Gardens

"Wait, if he could phase through stuff... Why de fuck was he flattened like a pancake on de wall?" - Harley sipping her coffee

"He's just a little dramatic." - Marinette

"I'd say mawh than ‘just a little’ Cupcake, he needs therapy... do Gods even go tuh therapy sessions?" - Harley looking outside the window to see Mushu yelling his head off

"And he's yelling infront of the Common and Green Figwort, my poor babies..." - Ivy was just about ready to have another plants silence Mushu, but Marinette had gone out to Mushu, looked at him for a second, said something that shocked Mushu, and Ivy (Ivy was listening through her babies) before Marinette came back in with a smile. Both adults looked back to the Garden, only to see Mushu standing there like he was just slapped in the face.

"What on earth d'ja say tuh make him look like yuh offended his very existence?" - Harley, who has no clue what Marinette said

"Nothing really." - Marinette acting like she didn't

"Marigold, who taught you that kind of threat, it left him speachless!" - Ivy

"Ummm, Aunt Selina?" - Marinette now looking a bit guilty

"What d'ja say?" - Harley

"I only said that ‘I would refuse to help him find his broach if he keeps acting like a child.’ Did I go to far?" - Marinette looking a bit worried

"My Cupcake's learnin' how tuh threaten people, and dis was huh first threat... I'm SO PROUD!" - Harley gave Marinette a big hug - "Dey grow up so fast!"

"What-!" Marinette was soon getting a bone crushing hug from both her moms

"We're so proud of you, but don't do that to everyone, only bad guys, okay?" - Ivy

"Ok... but... I... can't... BREATHE-!!"

·•——–·Now lets back up a bit·–——•·

Starfire was in the living room watching Nightstar beat everyone in UMS3, she didn't expect to see Beastboy being strangled while Raven recorded it infront of the Zeta-Tube, but soon realized it was Beastboy and Raven's friend that was to visit the Tower today. Everything seemed somewhat normal about the girl, though she was quite strong if she got Beastboy in a headlock. The next thing that came as a surprise, was Marinette beating everyone in UMS3, she had never seen anyone beat someone so fast before, and then, Robin challenged her to a duel with real swords! Had he lost his mind? She was a civilian!

But Starfire knew there was no way to change his mind, so she gave them wooden swords instead, and hoped that he wouldn't hurt Marinette to much.

... But then she saw that not one of his attacks affected her, she had a perfect defensive position, and was easily dodging all of Robins strikes. Then she saw Robin back off, thinking about something. She was about to call it a tie, but was cut off by Robin throwing instutls at Marinette, it shocked Starfire, Robin had never thrown insults in a simple duel. She looked to Marinette, she thought the girl might cry, but that's when Starfire saw it, something was VERY different about Marinette, while through the whole match she was calm and overall happy, she suddenly had a weired energy to her, she didn't change her expression, she just stood there. When Marinette spoke, it sent shivers down Starfire's spine, the icy tone in her voice wasn't something normal for any civilian. Marinette quickly defeated Robin after that, and Starfire went to make sure he was alright. She continued to watch Marinette more closely, both during the hack off and the magic summoning. Starfire was concerned that Marinette may be a villain, or working for one, so she went to the Watchtower for their daily reports. Starfire was first to arrive, she sat at the table, wondering why Marinette seemed so... destructive...

It took about 30 minutesfor everyone to arrive, each JL member listing off their findings for the day, then it was Diana's turn to report in.

"Everything is as it should be with the Amazons, and Themyscira. Though one of our artifacts acted strangely, it stoped quickly, and is nothing that should be of concern, that is all." - Diana sat back down once she was done, and then it was Zatanna's turn

"And do you have anything to report in today?" - Batman spoke from his spot at the table

"Well, I do not know if it is to be of any concern at the moment, but at around 5:32pm EST time, I felt a... disturbance, it was faint, but also very strong, it alsmost seemed like some kind of Ancient Magic was activated for a short time." - Zatanna seemed to be lost in thought with a worried expression as she spoke

"Were you able to determine it's origins and how long it lasted?" - Batman

"Yes, though it lasted for less than 10 seconds, I was able to find the general area it was in, if you'll please look to the screen." - Zatanna brought up a before and after image Magic Map of Jump City

"As you can see before the time of the anomaly, everything was normal, then withing the 10 seconds it lasted, half of Jump City was covered in a chaotic, and destructive Ancient Magic. This Magic wasn't strong enough to do any damage thankfully, so whoever or whatever caused it, either didn't know how to use this type of Magic, or showed a point of weakness or extreme anger in their core. The only spot that was heavily covered with it was the general area of Titan Tower. As of now we don't know what exactly caused this, but I will see to it that it's checked out thoroughly, I would like to request Dr. Fate, and John Constantine's help in order to make the search quicker." - Zatanna sat back down after Batman gave a nod of approval.

"Starfire, did you sense anything different today while you where in the Tower?" - Batman

Starfire stood up and answered a but nervously

"Yes, infact, I may know who caused it." - Starfire

"Then tell us." - Batman

"I think it was the friend Beastboy and Raven brought to the Tower today." - Starfire

"How old were they, and what was their name?" - Batman

"She is the same age as Beastboy and Raven, and I only know her first name: Marinette." - Starfire

"Well, was their any instance when this Marinette seemed different or angry?" - Zatanna

"Yes... it was during her and Robin's duel..." - Starfire

"What?" - Batman

"Why the hell would Demon Spawn duel a civi?" - Red Hood

"She beat him and everyone else at UMS3. I am unable to change his mind when it is made up, so I kept a close eye on them during their match." - Starfire

"So then she lost to Robin and got mad?" - Nightwing

"No... Robin, couldn't land a hit on her so he threw insults at her to get her mad... and it worked, though probably not how he planned." - Starfire

"Was there any noticable change about her?" - Zatanna

"She had a strange feeling to her afterwars, it felt almost curse like, or... more like looking at death? She asked for Robin to apologize, yet he didn't. Her movements were quick and precise, and she took Robin down." - Starfire

Everyone was in silence at the table... except

"She took down Demon SPAWN OH MY GOD!" - Red Hood was soon laughing his ass of, and fell out of his chair

As Red Hood laughed at the not so funny situation, they all looked to Batman for their next move

"Did she, or anyone mention who her parents where, and where she might live?" - Batman

"No, oddly enough, not once did she or her friends say anything about how she or her family were, nothing about where she lived or names of family members." - Starfire

"Then we'll assign two individuals to keep an eye on her." - Batman

"But who should we send?" - Superman

Red Hood just kept laughing, until Batman spoke up

"We'll send Red Hood." - Batman

"Hahaha- WAIT WHAT?! Why do I have to Babysit?!" - Red Hood

"Becuase you haven't had a mission in a while." - Batman

"Bullshit, I have done a lot of missions lately!" - Red Hood

"Name one mission within the last month you had." - Batman

". . . Fine I'll babysit." - Red Hood grumpily sat back down in his chair

"Was anyone from the Tower somewhat close to her, other than Beastboy and Raven?" - Batman

"Nightstar seemed to be forming a possible good friendship." - Starfire

"Then Nightstar will accompany Red Hood in watching them." - Batman

"Why did you make it sound like she's incharnge of me?! I'm the adult!" - Red Hood was offended, but Batman ignored him and stood up from his seat to finish the meeting.

·•————· The next day ·————•·

Marinette introduce Mushu to her Aunt the next morning, and they got along quite well from the start. Apparently, Mushu likes shiny things, and has agreed to help perfect Catwoman's heists if he gets at least one shiny gem or metal object...

Her Uncle wasn't able to meet Mushu, since he was caught by a Batbird and was sent to Arkham. Which might be a good thing for once, her Uncle never liked small talking creatures.

Marinette couldn't go out, since Raven and Beastboy told her that she was gonna be under surveillance again, and since her moms were out ‘working’ she was left with her Aunt, Mushu, Bud and Lou. Marinette tried to find ways not to be board, but she failed, and was hanging upsidedown from the railing of the metal spral staircase, while blowing bubblegum when her Aunt walked in.

"What are you doing?" - Selina was confused why Marinette was blowing bubblegum upsidedown... again

"*pop*Trying to think of something fun to do." - Marinette

"... Upsidedown?" - Selina walked closer till she was below her Neice, and looking up at her

"Yup *pop*." - Marinette looking at her Aunt

Selina didn't want Marinette to be like that all day, she could get a headache if Marinette stayed like that, and then she thought of something that might be good for Marinette to learn...

"How about we come up with a game?"- Selina smiled as she spoke

"*pop* Okay." - Marinette untangled her legs from the railing and gracefully landed infront of her Aunt

"*pop* What are the rules for this game?" - Marinette looked up at her Aunt with a smile, wondering if the game would be fun

"The rules are simple, no use of weapons, no outside help, at elast for now, no magic or help from Mushu, and no pat downs." - Selina

"Okay, and what is the objective for this game?" - Marinette

"Pickpocket me. It is a useful skill, and we'll make it fun, and if you get good at it, I'll let you join me on a robbing spree or two." - Selina

"Okay, easier said than done, do I have to be in your line of sight, or can I try and do it sneakily?" - Marinette

"Either is fine." - Selina

"Am I allowed to swap the items out with random objects?" - Marinette

"Of course, anything within the rules is allowed, as long as you get the objects." - Selina

"Okay, I'm ready then." - Marinette smiled at her Aunt, happy that this would be fun and useful

And she did remarkably well for her first time. Although Selina put the objects in slightly hard spots in her jackets, Marinette was able to get them, and swap them with other objects similar in size, even when she didn't know what the target item was. They kept on going, and Marinette kept getting better and better with each game. So Selina stepped it up a notch, and started grabbing bigger items, yet Marinette still did well. They took a break around noon for lunch.

"So how are you able to know what kind of item I have, and where, if you didn't see it?" - Selina was wondering how her Kitten managed to make such quick progress in such little time.

"Its' energy." - Marinette replied simply

"What do you mean?" - Selina looked at Marinette, did she have other meta-abilities?

"Everything has its own kind of energy, this table, the silverware, your hidden tazer in your watch." - Marinette listing off different items

"So, you can differentiate the different energies, and know what they are right off the bat?" - Selina

"More or less, I have to know what object the energy is related to, so I would have to at least see it once, and then I can tell what and where it is by the energy, though I can't have a very wide search range, the bigger the object the easier it is to sense it from far away, and the smaller it is, the harder it is to sense from a distance." - Marinette

"Does this also apply to people?" - Selina

"Yes, though the energy of people is unique to only them, I have yet to see two people with the same energy." - Marinette got up from the table to continue their game

"I'm so proud of you!" - Selina gave Marinette a big hug before continuing the game

By the end of the day Marinette was a master at slight of hand. A useful skill for what she had planned. Sometime around 8pm Marinette decided to go out as Wonder Quinn, though her suit had the same color designs, it was altered to fit the cold weather. She also made a special pocket for Mushu within her hoodie, so he could stay in it whether she had it on her head or not. She was running along the rooftops, heading to a special spot where she met up with Beastboy and Raven, they stopped a few crimes as they mostly had fun on the rooftops. They got some snacks and were sitting on some gargoyles...

"... I think I want to steal the Batmobile." - Marinette proclaimed nonchalantly

"*PFFFFF* WHAT?!" - Raven/Beastboy spat there drinks out in shock

"I said I want to steal the Batmobile, I promise I'll return it afterwards." - Marinette smiled sweetly at her friends, they were in for a long, and fast ride.

·•·—–·★·–—·•·

Chapter 7... it took a bit to long, but here it is! Hope you're all staying safe and having an absolutely marvelous day !BUG-OUT! 🐞💮🐞

〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜Tag List〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜

1st Place★: @jumpingjoy82

2nd Place★: @myazael

3rd Place★: @solangelo252

@fandom-trapped-03, @zorua-adorable, @blueblossombliss, @thefangirlwholiterallydies, @woe-is-me0, @lady-bee-fechin, @jayjayspixiepop, @kashlyn, @toodaloo-kangaroo, @buginetye, @our-preciousss, @vroomtaka, @alessialeone6997, @doll246, @aestheticnpoetic, @moon5608, @moonlightstar64, @kking13, @mysteriouslyswimmingfan-blo-blog, @laurcad123, @fandomsuniteatonce, @yokomisaki

hey @anonym19xx you’re a genius. Can I write this please?

Adrien: *looking for ladybug action figures*

Plagg: you've already got shelves filled with dolls! Why do you need more?!

Adrien: *whispers* Shush, Plagg not now. You might cause a... Wait a minute did you say dolls? They're not dolls! They're Action figures. Big Difference.

Plagg: Yeah yeah yeah sure kid... Wait a minute, kid... Look to your right.

Adrien: what is it, Plagg?

Plagg: is that a dartboard? A dartboard with hawkmoths face on it... Buy it.

Adrien: definitely... Might as well get one more for m'lady...

*Later at the mansion*

Gabriel: *sees Adrien with a hawk-moth dartboard* Don't you already have a dartboard?

Adrien: I'm changing it. I like this one more. Could be great for venting... I wonder if they sell hawk-moth punching bags. *mutter* and ladybug gloves...

*Later at patrol*

Chat noir: Good Evening, bugaboo! I've got a gift for you! And I've got one just like it.

Ladybug: Evening. what's the occasion? Did I miss something?

Chat noir: nope. Not at all. Just saw something and thaught I'd get one for each of us.

Ladybug: *Curious and opens the package*.......

Chat noir:.......

Ladybug:...... This is perfect...... Do you think they sell hawk-moth punching bags?

When I was little my mom’s meatloaf was my favorite food. But ONLY her meatloaf. I didn’t like anyone else’s, and she told me that she would teach me how to make it when I was older. And when I was like 19? She finally taught me, but she told me never to tell anyone else and I was like weird but okay

Anyway, she was super fucking homophobic and abusive to me when I told her I was gay, so here’s the recipe

4-6 lbs of Hamburger/turkey burger

1 pk onion soup mix OR ranch mix

1 TBs ketchup

1 Tbs spicy brown mustard,

1 Tbs bbq sauce

1 Tbs steak sauce

1 egg

mix, shape into a loaf in a big pan, and bake at 350 for 2 hrs (maybe 2 and a half if you’re feeling dangerous)

You can get almost all of these ingredients at the dollar store, and have leftovers if it’s just you. The leftovers make great tacos if (taco seasoning is also like a dollar). Enjoy your revenge loaf

“I’ve gotta remember to revise this in the second draft, but—”

fun things to slip into conversation include

“i’m kinda fucking w/ the fourth wall here but-”

nino, chloe, and adrien out on the town for the day *phone rings* "we have your wives" "good luck" "wait wha-" *click* *cue marinette throwing a grown man like a bag of flour, alya's already hacked their tech (picked up a few tips from max), and they never did check kagami's heels for her daggers*

They’re gonna need it.