Drew Ody Unhinged Cuz Ya Boi’s A Bit Off His Rocker So To Speak…

I love how Epic is basically becoming the Rivera-Herrans family project at this point in the series XD. It's sweet

The Justice League have a problem, one that needs some level of knowledge and expertise of a being from the Infinite Realms to give them a better chance of actually solving this problem.

However.

Every ghost they have summoned, without fail, took one look at Constantine. Squinted (yes, squinted). Then decided to go back to where they came without a word.

This. Would have been useful, nice even. If it was a situation where they needed the summoned being of a cult to head back to where they came without a fight.

But alas, that is not what is happening.

The Justice League, obviously, ask him why the ghosts keep fleeing back to their Realm at the sight of him, but Constantine can't answer because he genuinely has no idea why they keep leaving when getting a proper look at him.

So they keep trying and they do find some success in it. They summoned a boy, most likely older than he physically looks yet it still puts some of them off because of, well.

You know.

A boy with white hair and toxic green eyes. The boy stops short, as if not expecting to be randomly transported to somewhere else, takes a look around the room, then the Justice League. His eyes settle on one person.

Constantine, in particular.

He squints (Why do all of them squint? Nobody knows) and then a sudden looking of realization passes on his face. Different from the looks of vague fear and genuinely want to not involve themselves any further, his face held slight disgust and a heavy amount of disappointment.

Thankfully, he didn't leave immediately after that.

Constantine asks what's with the look on the ghost boy's face, the ghost boy in question squints even further. Stares at Constantine for a moment or two, buries his face in his hands and brings his knees to his hand and groans out.

"He could've done so much better."

Don’t tell me you’re not the same person You’re always my husband And I’ve been waiting, waiting

When I was little my mom’s meatloaf was my favorite food. But ONLY her meatloaf. I didn’t like anyone else’s, and she told me that she would teach me how to make it when I was older. And when I was like 19? She finally taught me, but she told me never to tell anyone else and I was like weird but okay

Anyway, she was super fucking homophobic and abusive to me when I told her I was gay, so here’s the recipe

4-6 lbs of Hamburger/turkey burger

1 pk onion soup mix OR ranch mix

1 TBs ketchup

1 Tbs spicy brown mustard,

1 Tbs bbq sauce

1 Tbs steak sauce

1 egg

mix, shape into a loaf in a big pan, and bake at 350 for 2 hrs (maybe 2 and a half if you’re feeling dangerous)

You can get almost all of these ingredients at the dollar store, and have leftovers if it’s just you. The leftovers make great tacos if (taco seasoning is also like a dollar). Enjoy your revenge loaf

i dont think thats the case Athena

Odysseus of Troy AU

Inspired by the Warrior!Penelope AU, @maggie44paint's Malewife Menelaus AU & @theblindgoddess + DaughterOfDungeonBat's Penelope of Troy AU.

So instead of Helen, Paris chooses Odysseus, thinking he's the safer option because he's just the king of small, barren Ithaca & super smart. Baby Telemachus is also spirited away as extra leverage.

Paris thinks he's being cunning, hoping this choice can somewhat ease Athena's wrath as well.

At first, Athena is furious....but then she gives the go-ahead for 3 reasons.

Odysseus will give Paris hell.

Hera will give Paris hell.

This one is important: Penelope will give Paris hell.

Paris tells himself he's doing Penelope a favour! Now she can find another, more powerful husband & have another kid with him. Plus, she's a woman with a tiny kingdom, it's not like she'll come knocking on Troy's walls.

Newsflash: a furious Penelope comes pounding on Troy's walls with a vengeance.

(Bonus if she isn't even being backed by Ares here. Oh no, all that unstoppable rage is 100% pure Penelope.)

In Olympus, Hera & Athena are cackling and high-fiving over a bucket of popcorn. In Troy, Ody is going full Mission Impossible, being a monster (rawr rawr rawr) to Paris, mapping out servant passages, calculating how much cloth it'll take to make a long enough rope & hoarding tiny paper scraps and crumbs for bird feeding.

He goes all: Yes, I need more clothes. It's not my fault my clothes keep ripping. *wink wink*. Oh, I'm not supposed to be here? Silly me, I'm hopeless without Athena's wisdom now! Look at the cute birdie, little wolf! *slips a message onto them while his son's buried under feathers*

Athena is very proud of her master liar.

Bonus:

Hector & Ody ironically become good friends because they're both dads and loving husbands. Hector tells himself he will NOT get attached to the man who's singlehandedly screwed him, his family & Troy over......only to pat the guy's back as he sobs for the nth time over missing his wife. It's hard not to empathize with him & feel a little sorry for the kid who doesn't even remember his mom.

And maybe when Hector senses that the end is coming, he & Andromache ask Ody to take Astyanax with him. He won't have a future in Troy, but it's better than no future, period.

Thus, Penelope returns to Ithaca with her family one member bigger than before.

Ares: …….

Penelope: *her head buried in her hands.* Ares: so you like this guy?

Penelope: *Head still buried.* YESSSS!

Ares: and he likes you back?

Penelope: *Looks up at Ares.* yea. Are you rubbing in the fact you have a better love life than me?

Ares: no I’m trying to understand this. So you both like each other, and you decided to throw spears at him with notes attached that you thought were flirtatious but he took as just threats on your life? And what made you think throwing a spear at him with a note saying “one day you’ll be mine!” would be a good idea?

Penelope: your wife! She told me to be myself! So I was! And look how that worked out! I think someone should do her job for her!

Ares: first of all dont talk bad about my wife. Second of all, why not talk to him? That’s how me and Aphrodite got together(not to brag or anything).

Penelope: talk to him? But what if-

Ares: What if there are no more “what if”s?

Penelope: *sighs heavily.* as always old friend you are right. I must go and speak with the infamous: Odysseus.

Odysseus: I am different, I am no longer the man you married, it's been 20 long years but if you could just fall in love with me again?

Penelope: if you can do something for me

Odysseus: anything

Penelope: move my wedding bed.

Odysseus: I can't, it's made out of a living tree, to move it I would have to destroy it. How can yo-

Penelope: oh, I thought we were asking each other stupid questions?

Odysseus:

Penelope: 'FaLl iN lOvE wItH mE aGaiN' to do that I would have had to stop loving you.

Warrior!Penelope God Games

After writing Odysseus's Challenge, I was still on a creative high & decided to do this too. NOTE: The swaps between gods were taken from @too-much-flynnolium’s art.

[ARES]

Mother, God Queen, rarely do I ask for favours

Now, I'm kneeling on your floor

With hopes to save a friendship

With one who's a prisoner far from home

Penelope

[HERA]

Divine intervention, so that is your wish?

To untie apprehensions that were placed on that Greek?

You are braving such dangers for a girl full of shame

But if she's worth the risk of going under

Why not make it a game?

Convince each of them that she ought to be released

And I'll release her

[ARES]

Who's them?

[HERA]

Artemis! Hestia!

Dionysus! Athena!

Demeter! Or me

What do you say?

[ARTEMIS]

Sure.

[HESTIA]

Very well.

[DIONYSUS]

Hic!

[ATHENA]

Alright.

[DEMETER]

Interesting.

[ARES]

Bring it.

[ARTEMIS]

You all know I'm a fan of nature and all

So with so many sirens gone

I think Penny's in the wrong

[ARES]

They had planned to do their worst

All she did was reimburse them

Now they'll tread with caution first

To live another day and sing even more verse!

[ARTEMIS]

Good point, release her.

[HESTIA]

Trust is not wasted, it’s forged

Why should I give her my support?

She turned her back on her cohort

[ARES]

Did you forget they failed to listen?

She was betrayed and now imprisoned

But if you make the right decision

She can still have a future with those who miss her!

[HESTIA]

Fine, release her.

[DIONYSUS]

Your little high and mighty Penelope

Claims to love another, but keeps him chained to a broken heart

[ARES]

She was busy fighting

[DIONYSUS]

More like busy spiting the cyclops

Let her feel the pain that the others feel and rot

[ARES]

Wait!

You must reconsider this!

[ATHENA]

Really now, Ares, no new tricks?

[ARES]

Athena!

[ATHENA]

What kind of so-called fighter holds back her power

Just lets her friends get devoured?

She couldn’t fight Scylla, but didn’t even try to outwit her

Hides with naught but a sword to get the job done

Tries to handle things upfront

Dim-witted and weak like her son

[ARES]

Hold your tongue now, her son's my friend!

And tell that drunkard that all kinds of hurts can mend

You want more mind games? Then set her free

To get back to her homestead, she'll make everyone’s brains bleed!

[ATHENA & DIONYSUS]

Then release her.

[DEMETER]

So many talents, so many tales

Give me one good reason why yours should prevail

[ARES]

She's got the hands of a weaver!

[DEMETER]

Dig deeper

[ARES]

She's pretty skilled with words!

[DEMETER]

You can do better than that!

[ARES]

She's very sassy…?

[DEMETER]

Eh

[ARES]

Never once does she give up on her child.

[DEMETER]

Release her.

[ARES]

I’ve played your game and won! Release her.

[HERA]

You dare to defy me? To give me more shame?

No one beats me, no one wins my game!

Marriage, bring her through the wringer

Show her I'm the judgement call

The one who makes the final call!

.

.

.

.

[ATHENA]

Is he dead?

.

.

.

Penelope had told Ares that for mothers, childbirth in itself was a difficult battle and the parenthood that came after a race with no finish line in sight. Personally, Ares would’ve likened it to war. If family had truly been something as linear as a race then surely Hermes would be on their father’s throne by now.

She placed her spawn in his arms. Said spawn miraculously didn’t squirm or squall against his battle-hardened muscles and cold gauntlets. 

“His name is Telemachus.” Far from battle. The irony wasn’t lost on anyone. Then again, considering how eerily squishy the infant was, perhaps the name was fitting.

Ares blinked as tiny fingers gripped his, the pudgy digits unable to full wrap around it. Yet, the grip was strong. No, it was simply alive. He’s bathed in blood so often that he’s forgotten even the tiniest of hearts can still beat.

“Telemachus.”  Penelope and Odysseus smiled. Smiled at him, smiled because of him. They were happy. He was happy.

.

.

.

[ARES]

Let her go…..please

Let her go……