No Signal

Had to rush to annotate my music today. I was hired as a last-minute substitute for an orchestra near me, which means I only have a few weeks to practice it... Hopefully things go well!

The performance is right in the middle of my midterms, too. I suppose it's time to pray...

Little effort, little give

I ended up cleaning up most of the floor and a couple corners of my room. It's really, really, messy. Tomorrow's Monday, and that's when March break officially starts- so maybe I'll be able to wake up early and clean up my bed and desk area? Hopefully my closet can be cleaned out too.

After thinking for a while, I've decided to pack all the stuff I'd like to keep and bring into my future room into boxes as if I were moving- it'll keep me minimal and I think it'll really help.

For now, though- I haven't even been able to find a box to put my things into. Instead, I'm using garbage bags.

Not too much of a looker. But once my room's done, I swear everything will look great! That's right- I'm hopeful for once. So hopeful, in fact, that I've drawn out a little plan for what my room will look like- hopefully by the end of the break!

A big goal to be finished in a week and a half- I hope it all end well.

It's pretty late right now, so while I'm so focused on turning my life around, I'll be fixing my sleep schedule too. My grades are next!

<3 Caramel

I love scrolling through your blog sm it’s so cozy :33

Somehow teleporting the silly little guy to you :3

AHHHHH omg thank you!!! I'll keep posting sweet things for you<3 (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠)

[guy recieved.]

Same me, new plans

Woke up today and ate some leftover pizza from the fridge. It always feels so greasy and never makes me feel okay. My grandma was already going to drop off lunch for me but I guess I have no self-control.

Always thinking of an idealistic life where I can live like the rest of the put-together asian kids you'd see in a k or c-drama, I can't really get myself in the moment now. But during the occasional moment of clarity in the present that I have every so often, I can see that I'm pretty much in shambles.

I should be exercising, cleaning my room, wearing nicer clothing, studying for school- why do I load myself up with APs even though I never do homework? I'll never know. I guess I like to live out some aspects of my dream life while neglecting others.

I want to get out of this greasy failure life and live out my dreams as someone who's put together and productive.

oof

I suppose I’ve just had the most unproductive weekend I’ve ever experienced. AP exams are closing in as well. A ton of schoolwork to do while the year closes in, a dying personal life, not mentioning the fact that I’m probably in trouble when it comes to extracurriculars. Missed some important harp stuff, so I’ll need to talk to my teacher about that.

Spilled my guts out to a friend over the past two days with little to no reaction, too, so I guess there’s that wonderful thing too. :/

Whenever I think it’s not possible to fall lower than this I end up surprising myself. Guess I should really just suck it up though. All this depressing stuff has been ruining my life and future, and I’ve done nothing to stop it.

Can’t really feel bad for myself anymore. This sucks. Maybe I am depressed, but I guess that’d be searching for excuses to inexcusable behavior. I should stop lying.

Whatever happened to determination?

Hiiii you're back! Missed you <3

Oh my goodness Mari!! I missed you so much too (⁠ ⁠；⁠∀⁠；⁠)

Glad to be back!!

Scrambled eggs

God, I wonder what kind of life I could have if I could just motivate myself normally. Maybe I'd have more integrity, having enough courage to tell the truth sometimes. Maybe my grades would be straight hundreds. Maybe I'd already have a proper job.

Looking at studying guides like this makes me kind of believe I can work hard and work focused - and maybe, I can. I guess I'm moving onto my "getting in character" part of my new life, and that excites me like nothing else! I really hope I can get this done.

I'm tight for time right now, though, so for now I'll just keep this image posted here to save it for myself later.

<3 Caramel

hihi caramel my wonderful mootie!

hope you have an amazing day today!! <3

Ahh thank you!!

I held off on replying to this a little bit to save it for today. I've got a midterm and a quiz, so am really busy and stressed (⁠´⁠；⁠ω⁠；⁠｀⁠)

But, thanks to your kind words, I feel like today will be a good day. You have a wonderful time too, I love you <3

First post

Testing, testing!

Welcome to my new blog- or at least, what I’d like it to be.

Originally, I had a WordPress blog in which I tried to post everyday, but that became a flop extremely quickly when I lost motivation. I plan to move back to it someday, since I’ve got a thing for originals- but for now, small posts are to be made every so often here on this blog! Welcome to my personal life. :)

When I lose my extra weight and get a work habit and rearrange my room and get energy and work more it's over for everybody