Harry Potter And Co. Headcanons I Would Die For:

open heart, open container

James Potter to Sirius Black: you are uninvited from my wedding. mail back your invitation

Sirius Black: i cant afford to use the post

Sirius Black: also why

James Potter: just seen the shit u left in the sink last night

Sirius Black: take some responsibility u also thought we could skull vodka through a watermelon

James Potter to groomsmen + james who isn’t: this chat name feels weirdly like a call out

Remus Lupin: its cause we have another chat called groomsmen that ur not in

James Potter: wow rlly what goes on in there

Peter Pettigrew to groomsmen without james whose not: do we have to bring a plate

Sirius Black: what

Remus Lupin: are you asking if we have to bring a plate of food to james’ literal wedding

Peter Pettigrew: is that a no

Lily Evans to James Potter: for a lol im putting an eel on the gift registry

James Potter: specify electric

Lily Evans: ur right we dont want to cause confusion

Remus Lupin to Sirius Black: why is the vacuum out whats happened

Sirius Black: i vacuumed

Remus Lupin: don’t be stupid

Sirius Black: okay i vacuumed and then tipped the vacuum bag into the neighbours to get them back for the noise complaint

Remus Lupin: dont lie

Sirius Black: alright I didnt vacumn first

Remus Lupin: knew it

Lily Evans to James Potter: what about instead of me taking ur name we swap names

Lily Evans: like u legally become lily evans and i legally become james potter

Lily Evans: im literally sitting next to u I KNOW ur getting these u bitch

Sirius Black to Lily Evans: its about a cheese toaste i know u know

Sirius Black: okay that was for james

Sirius Black: can u read it to him

Lily Evans: he says that ur forgetting about the economy

Lily Evans: what is happening

Remus Lupin to Sirius Black: lily tells me ur going to be the stripper at her hen party  

Sirius Black: news to me

Sirius Black: though obvsly I’ll do it

Sirius Black: ive already got those tearaway pants  

Remus Lupin: was quite literally joking but now this feels like a plan

James Potter to remus’ toothache is toothfake this has been a rap: rehearsal dinner starts at seven and the place charges by the hour so if ur late lil will skin u  

Sirius Black: what if lily herself is late

James Potter: she says if that happens then time is wrong

Sirius Black: the whole concept of time??

James Potter: apparently so  

James Potter to Lily Evans: does us getting married mean i have to divorce sirius on fb

Lily Evans: obvsly not aren’t you guys coming up on ur ten year anniversary  

James Potter: indeed we are

James Potter: also i love u like mad have i mentioned that

Sirius Black to Lily Evans can you tell peter honeymoon is spelt hoonymoon when he calls in a minute its important

Lily Evans: yeah sure

James Potter to Sirius Black: youve outdone urself

James Potter: lilys pissing herself its alive and everything

Sirius Black: im glad bc im def on at least 14 different watchlists now

Sirius Black: are u aware how hard it is to rent an electric eel legally

James Potter: im assuming difficult

Sirius Black: its actually impossible ive rented it illegally so im expecting u to post my bail when MI6 turns up

James Potter: seems fair  

Remus Lupin to u cant request songs during the ceremony: lilys mum is outside in a shocking hat no one comment on it

Sirius Black: ur too late moons

Peter Pettigrew: i really did think it was a pigeon i didnt mean to offend her!!!!!

James Potter to Lily Evans: want to get burger king rn

Lily Evans: gimme ten minutes to get married first and then im there

James Potter: brilliant

Lily Evans: unrelated but im really glad i get to marry you

James Potter: christ so am i

James Potter: prepare to b ravished in the burger king loos  

Lily Evans: god u know how to woo me

Sirius Black to Remus Lupin: does this pretcher not look just like justin timberlake

Remus Lupin: stop texting during the ceremony  

Sirius Black: james agrees hes fuckin humming sexyback under his breath

Remus Lupin to James Potter: just looked at snapmaps are you and lil rlly at burger king during ur literal wedding reception

James Potter: yeah you want anything

Remus Lupin: coke small fries

Why do people write Lily treating James like shit?

I lost count of how many fanfiction I’ve read where Lily slapped James, said that he was bad or was completely mean to him, even when they started dating.

I feel like people forget that yes, we can write Lily as a strong woman but being strong and feminist doesn’t mean slapping your boyfriend everytime he doesn’t agree with you or you think he’s being stupid.

Just because he’s a boy, doesn’t mean he deserves it or doesn’t feel it. Boys are people too, they should be treated with respected. It’s not funny or cool or character development to have her treating him like she’s better and he is lucky that she even accepted going out with him.

I’m not going to tag or quote the most recent examples I’ve seen of this because I feel like these people don’t deserve this type of thing but please stop. Lily can be loving and a feminist, she can spend every day with James or want to be a housewife.

Write strong women. Write real women.

Harry Potter Unpopular Opinions

- jily > snily

- fleur delacour is amazing and deserves more appreciation

- regulus black is my favorite character

- romione is the best ship in the series

- dramione doesn’t make sense (they’re not really compatible)

- cho/harry/cedric is wonderful and is my top

- severus snape is a piece of trash (i can write a 30 page essay about it)

- james potter is wonderful

- linny > hinny (don’t get me wrong, i love hinny with all my heart, i just think that luna and ginny are more compatible)

- neville/luna/ginny is amazing and makes so much sense and needs more appreciation

- harmione doesn’t really make sense to me (feel free to give me reasons why you ship it, because i kinda want to get into it but i don’t really understand rn)

- cho chang is wonderful and deserves appreciation

- i literally never had any appeal in snape

- dumbledore wasn’t half as bad as the fandom makes him out to be (although i don’t like him, i think the fandom is a bit dramatic about him)

- james > snape any day

- narcissa definitely isn’t a good person, but she was a wonderful character and i would love to see what her school days were like

- if lily hadn’t died, snape would still be a death eater and would still be a piece of trash

- teddy lupin deserves more love and appreciation (not unpopular, but also to mentioned enough)

- i never really minded percy

- DRACO MALFOY DESERVED WAY MORE OF A REDEMPTION ARC THAN SNAPE THANKS

- RON WESLEY IS AMAZING AND DESERVES MORE LOVE AND APPRECIATION PLEASE JUST GIVE THIS BOY SOME LOVE I’M BEGGING YOU

- HARRY JAMES POTTER IS SO FCKING UNDERRATED OKAY 

This feels like a giant pidgeon crapping on my heart.... 

'I lost someone special to me, too. Her name was Costia. She was captured by the ice nation, whose queen believed she knew my secrets. Because she was mine… they tortured her, killed her, cut off her head. I thought I'd never get over the pain, but I did. By recognizing it for what it is… weakness.' 'What is? Love?'

tell me the story of neville longbottom, the other boy who lived.

tell me the story of a boy who was born unimpressive, who could have been a chosen one had snape listened longer at the door. who had parents that loved and cherished him for far too short a time. who lost his mother and father to the cruelty of death eaters, who had to grow up with a family that always saw him as less than who he was, who he could be, because his magic remained hidden inside him, coiled like a snake.

tell me the story of a boy who could never quite handle school, who could never muster the courage to raise his hand in class, who always messed up his potions somehow. who sat in the gryffindor common room as hermione patiently went over her history of magic notes for him and wondered for the millionth time why he didn’t end up a hufflepuff. who never saw himself as anything special, not really, because there were other kids in his year whose stars burned brighter, while he struggled just to keep up with the bottom of the class.

tell me the story of a boy who stepped up, who foresaw hogwarts descending into darkness and refused to let it happen without a fight. who became the next leader of their secret fight against the dark lord, rebelling against snape and the carrows from within the castle. who led the surge to take the sword of gryffindor from snape’s office; who took blow after blow from torturing death eaters to try and protect the first-years who didn’t deserve any of this. who ended up hiding in the castle, creating a supply line to hogsmeade and continuing to fight under threat of expulsion (and worse) because someone had to do it.

tell me the story of the unchosen one, who went from a nervous little boy to the slayer of nagini in seven years. tell me about that neville longbottom.

What the world sees Harry Potter as: A somewhat bland protagonist. A little serious, and without much of a sense of humour. Why didn’t he end up with Hermione? And why did he keep Ron around?

What Harry actually is: A complete sass-master and sarcastic joker. Hot-headed and brash, with a fierce protectiveness over the people he cares about. Treats Hermione as his big sister, and finds her really annoying most of the time. Wouldn’t be able to function without his best mate and platonic life-partner Ronald Bilius Weasley. Will probably curse you if you diss Ron. NO-ONE disses his wheezy.

What the world sees Hermione Granger as: Bad-ass female role model, and a literal genius. Incredibly beautiful, brilliant at all forms of magic, and almost perfect in every way. Literally the reason why Harry survived everything throughout the series. Why did she settle for Ron?

What Hermione actually is: A vindictive know-it-all, but has a heart-of-gold and loves her friends deeply. Is jealous, emotionally insensitive, and has trouble socialising. While responsible for the book-smarts, she is also prone to ignoring small but important details that are important in the wider picture. Will start fist-fights with anyone who dares besmirch the name of the love of her life, Ron Weasley.

What the world sees Ron as: The sidekick and comic-relief of the trio. Eats a lot, and makes Hermione cry. Makes a lot of dumb jokes and silly faces. Not a brilliant friend, by most accounts. Emotional range of a teaspoon. How did he land such a great girl as Hermione?

What Ron actually is: The heart and soul of the golden trio. Completely irreplaceable to both Harry and Hermione. A literal cinnamon roll that deserves the world. Quite possibly the funniest and wittiest person you will ever meet. Has the best and healthiest emotional range of the trio. A flawed but solidly good individual who made mistakes, but always came through for his friends in the end. Has the best character arc of the three protagonists, and a great example of a person rising above their flaws and self-doubts. Never thought he was good enough for anything, but eventually developed his own self-confidence. The perfect match for Hermione in every way; the yin to her yang, the calm to her intensity, the water to her fire, and a person so wonderful Hermione can’t believe her luck that she ended up with him.

‘You ran away from home?’ ‘When I was about sixteen,’ said Sirius. ‘I’d had enough.’ ‘Where did you go?’ said Harry, staring at him. ‘Your dad’s place,’ said Sirius. ‘Your grandparents were really good about it; they sort of adopted me as a second son.’

(and I know this set will probably be confusing to some people since a lot of people like Kristin Scott Thomas as Walburga but she’s always been Mrs. Potter to me)

Harry James Potter, head of the DA and protégé of Albus Dumbledore himself, did not become a career Auror. -Sure, he worked with them after the war-everyone did. -Harry and Ron led the charge in rounding up old Death Eaters and Hermione researched and wrote crazily, making sure no stone was left unturned in their hunt and no memories were lost of the new history they’d made (her writings were eventually compiled into what is largely considered the most comprehensive history of Voldemort and his attacks ever written. Madame Prince has three copies in the school library). -Even Neville and Luna lent their respective plant and animal (however strange) based abilities towards getting past old defenses and remaking allies. -These children were born and raised in the midst of war, and it took a while for most of them to learn the ways of peace. But once they figured it out (sort of) they settled into their new roles. -Hermione rose rapidly amongst Ministry ranks, Ron returned to family, the only truth he’d ever been sure of, and Harry went back to his first (real, remembered) home. -The Defense Against the Dark Arts position had been rid of its curse for two years by the time Harry applied for the job, and the teacher who held it for those years was only temporary anyways. McGonagall had been hoping Harry would return to Hogwarts, and return he did. -Harry Potter’s Defense lessons were notorious for their seemingly random schedule, where one day the class would be practicing spells normally, the next running obstacle courses in the Forbidden Forest, and the day after that having a class wide discussion on the power of emotions and their use in spells -His first lesson of every year was on the power of chocolate and conversation to comfort, just as he had learned from Remus Lupin years ago. Like his old professor, Harry rewarded students with chocolate for good deeds and correct answers. -Seventh Years got to choose personal research projects, ranging from meticulous dioramas of various battles to the best way to make a pile of dung explode -Sixth Years learned more complicated traditional spells, including the Patronus and healing charms (Harry’s stag never failed to draw gasps the first time he showed it to a group) -Fifth Years combined lessons from all their other classes to find ways to fight without traditional spell work, including stories from Harry about using Wingardium Leviosa to fight a troll his first year and Neville using his plants during the Battle of Hogwarts. (Often, Harry would bring in Hermione, Ron, and Neville to assist in the telling of these tales and the teaching of their techniques.) -Fourth Years got lessons in love and death and ancient theories and stories, along with turns for everyone to go under the Invisibility Cloak on the day devoted to the Deathly Hallows -Third Years learned defense against other species with a final like an obstacle course similar to the one given to Harry by Professor Lupin -Second Year was for most traditional dueling spells, started with Expelliarmus. (Any students that complained about the “boring” spell would have him reply calmly, “this is what saved my life against Lord Voldemort” and shut right up) -First Years started with basic theories, and continued to shielding and camouflaging charms (because Harry never really signed up to fight, and would rather his students never have to) -every year ended with huge tournaments between the years, which he used to help houses bond with each other and to assess skills. They changed between magical paintball or laser tag, scavenger hunts, or temporary prank wars (the other professors’ least favorite), and the winners got to camp on the grounds for a night for s'mores, swimming, and a midnight Quidditch game -His first students were mostly old enough to have been his classmates, just like those of the DA had been, and so his first years of teaching were to war-torn children like himself, who had gaps in their normal seating arrangements that their friends, now dead, had sat in, and the occasional blank stare that Harry was never offended by, as he was accustomed to seeing them on his friends and himself when they were revisiting horrors they’d witnessed -as he continued teaching though, his students came in excited to learn from the famed Harry Potter, and he had to persuade them early on that to them, he was just a teacher who’d show them a trick on the Quidditch field or the location of a secret passageway, nothing more and nothing less -eventually, students would get more excited when Harry announced that Hermione, the Minister of Magic, was coming to visit and chat with them about research, or Ginny, his Quidditch star wife, was arriving soon to show off her Bat Bogey hex than when he mentioned his own history -and as time went on, Madame Pince’s copies of Hermione’s history book stayed on the shelves because students realized Harry was more likely to engage in a snowball fight than a duel and was happiest tucked into a Weasley sweater with a cup of tea, chatting with friends about anything other than defeating Dark Lords; and he was recognized in Diagon Alley less by adults wishing to shake his hand and more by children wanting to say hello to their favorite professor -and students came to love him, not for his fame as the Boy Who Lived, but as a professor who cared, and sought to teach in a way that everyone could learn from, and Harry wouldn’t have it any other way

After the Bridge: The Full Story (Jem/Tessa)

hi Cassie! idk if you’ve noticed, but I think you’ve invoked a small (and quite entertaining) url revolution. — hornyjem

I did. I am very proud. :)

This is the full story of After the Bridge, a tale for those who might have wondered what Tessa and Jem did after they met on Blackfriars Bridge in the epilogue of Clockwork Princess. If you’ve been waiting to read it until it was done, it is now done.

Those who do not like Tessa&Jem together or Jessa sexytimes probably should skip this. (You will not miss anything that will affect your understanding of later books.) Those who like that sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like.

After the Bridge alternates POV between Jem and Tessa. This is Part Five, the full story. As this is one short story and not chaptered, each post will contain the whole story from the beginning up to the point where that part ends so that new readers or readers who don’t remember what happened won’t have to hunt down the previous post(s.)

AFTER THE BRIDGE : Now with (sexy) art by Cassandra Jean! 

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