April Helping Johnny Get Paint Out Of His Hair

taking home the gold

one time offer!

hi! i'm chaya and my jackass hyperfixation is back. do you know what that means? yeah, i'll gladly take commissions for fics of any kind! here's what/who i write for:

⛧ jackass!

johnny knoxville bam margera ryan dunn (no smut, i beg of you) steve-o chris pontius danger ehren dave england

⛧ jackass-adjacent/cky people!

ville valo tony hawk (i'll love you forever for a request for this man) dico rake yohn jimmy pop (if i forgot somebody, i'm so sorry!)

Ville Valo, Feb 18, 2003

divorced dad and his annoying son

NO BUT LIKE RYAN PLAYING WITH HIS HAIR AND SMILING AND IN HIS MODEL POSE AUUHGHGHUGHUDSGHUIJSSKADFGDAJSLSKMMKLVS,DKFJKL,ZCDKLJMSADCLKJKLÇJDSÇ.K;L,SDF.,KJDSFVJK

babe wake up jackass forcemasc just dropped

please please please write a fic for ville? i really don’t have a bright idea besides they meet through a mutual friend and go on a date.

Blind Date

After a long and excruciatingly exhausting breakup, you have decided that maybe a single life is the way for you. Why bother to look for anything else when you just can stay by yourself, happy and unbothered? 

Your friend, however, had a different idea in her mind.

“You just have to trust me, I found a perfect guy!”

“Perfect guy? Come on, Hannah, that’s not even possible.” – you murmured, finishing your iced latte.

“Well, maybe not perfect… But close! Seriously, Y/N, you have to get out there and have some fun! Life’s not only about your studies and shit!” – Hannah was weirdly persistent, dragging you away by your arm. The mall was filled with people and both of you just wanted to get some fresh air.

“Alright, alright, you win” – you sighed. – “I’ll do it for you. But it’s just one time thing!”

Hannah giggled, opening the mall door for you.

“You won’t regret it!”

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After getting ready, you took a long look in the mirror, thinking about this whole situation. When was the last time when you agreed to a blind date? These things are like a russian roulette, you either get a totally amazing, fun experience, or you end up planning the best excuse to get out as quickly as possible. You were just hoping that this “perfect guy” is not going to turn out to be a complete freak.

Punctual as (almost) always, you got to the spot. Dimly lit bar, candles flickering on tables, small fireplace glowing in the corner. Near the main street, but hidden just well enough not to be overcrowded. Most of the people there seemed to be regulars, sitting comfortably in their velvet chairs.

“Sorry, are you Y/N by any chance?” – you heard his voice, deep and alluring, before you even saw him. “Hannah told me to expect a lookalike of a greek goddess, and you fit the picture perfectly.”

You stood speechless for a short while. What was this guy thinking, getting so bold right from the start? What happened to hello, what’s your name?

“Oh, I’m sorry. Too much. I didn’t mean to…”

“No, no, alright, I was just a little surprised. Yes. I’m Y/N… and you?”

“And I’m Ville. Nice to finally meet you, after everything I heard. Well, let’s go inside, shall we? We are blocking the entrance a little bit.” – he smirked, holding the door for you.

You took place at your assigned table, surprised that this guy has already made a reservation.

“I picked the best spot” – he lowered his voice like he was about to tell you some great secret. – “Close to the fireplace, away from most of the crowd, just enough to hear your own thoughts.”

“Seems like you have it all figured out.” 

“Figured out? No, no, I just like to plan ahead, the risk of an unpleasant surprise drops drastically. And you? Are you a risk-taker, Y/N?”

Before you could even answer, a young waiter brought you your drinks. Red wine for him, a tall glass of english garden for you. The first sip told you everything you needed to know. Someone behind the bar definitely knew their craft. It smelled, looked and tasted like early summer, when everything blooms and sun kisses your skin. 

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“Hey, Y/N, what would you say for a little adventure?” – Ville asked, setting aside his third glass of wine, almost empty. You were just taking your last sip of a very fresh mojito.

“What kind of adventure?”

“The one you take without planning. I want to show you something.” 

His words brought promises of something mysterious. The more you looked, the more you started to notice this unique, almost vampiric aura around him. 

Usually, you would just call it a night and catch a cab to your flat. However, the night was still somewhat young, and you thought that maybe it was the right time to finally do something. To get out of your comfort zone, as Hannah would preach to you, praising the bright side of living in the moment. Maybe it was time to finally start living. 

“You know what? Okay, alright, you got me interested. I just hope it’s not that far enough.” – you said, pointing to your slightly uncomfortable shoes. They might be the best looking pair in your collection, but they certainly were not made for adventures.

“We’ll figure something out. Alright, let’s go.” – he said, offering you an arm to help you get up from this low seat.

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After getting across a few busy streets, you found yourself near the tallest building in the district. From what you heard, it used to be a home to a lot of businesses, although some financial and legal complications made all the tenants leave a year ago. Now it stood tall, proud and a little bit scary. 

“Come on, I know a secret entry.” 

Ville guided you through the back doors, then up the abandoned elevator, which was surprisingly still working. As you have passed floor after floor, you noticed that your final destination was at the last number on the board. Floor 45th, doesn’t it sound a little scary?

“Let me guess, do you know a secret entrance somewhere here too?” – you teased him a bit after walking out of the elevator.

“You’ve got it right.” – he laughed, showing you the way to a ladder, leading to what you’ve assumed was the rooftop.

“Oh no, no, I’m not doing that!”

“You’ll be completely safe, seriously. I’ve been here many times.” – he reassured you, placing his hand gently on your arm. You were both a little bit tipsy, which made this accidental proximity even easier. 

Live a little, you thought to yourself. Get out, experience, maybe even get scared, but it’s time to finally feel something. Don’t you deserve it?

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The landscape of the city looked like a box of jewelry, gently glimmering with golden lights. Rich, busy, fast-paced, loud, exposing all of its rights and wrongs to your slightly drunken stare. You were cautiously keeping to the center of the rooftop, even though there were barriers all around. You felt proud for finally overcoming your fear of heights, even if it was just this one time. 

“Y/N, are you alright? You look a little pale.” – Ville asked.

“Yeah, I just… It’s scary, but it’s fine.” – you smiled, looking on the glowing horizon.

“Remember, if anything happens, I’m right next to you.”

You both sat on something that used to be a luxurious bench. Close to each other, slowly interlocking fingers, as the midnight air wrapped around you like a transparent shawl. Then, without overthinking it, you took a risk. Your lips locked, you felt his hand gently caressing your hair. The night was young, and so were you. Why not live a little?

Tony Hawk