If Your Boyfriend Tells You He’s Looking Into Buying Podcast Equipment, And You Do Nothing To Stop

When you think you’ve looked like a magical unicorn all day and then you get home and look in the mirror

Baldwin is a cool name. It is the opposite of Hairloss

When I was got my first job at 16, the first thing I bought was edibles.

The directions said to talk 1/4 of a chocolate your first time.

I took all 4 squares of chocolate.

Every few years I have to look up The Cowboy Way to make sure its a real movie that my papaw let me watch when I was 4 years old and not a fever dream.

My first celebrity crush was John Cena.

Baby Shark

I have been helping my family a bit by babysitting my niece and I need a 300 hour long video on the lore of Baby Shark and his family.

If you don't know Baby Shark is a boy and his name is Brooklyn.

In some videos Brooklyn is doctor known for singing about his patients injuries while he and his orange fish nurse try to find out what is wrong.

One 'episode' depicts a wolf that has fallen down a lit chimney and burned his entire butt and part of his tail (three little pigs). Instead of immediately helping this wolf they sing a song about his burnt behind and tail with a closeup of a closeup.

Brooklyn is a fish so I won't use the "he isn't old enough to have a medical license" debate because aquatic life is different.

In other 'episodes' Brooklyn is a chef at Yum Yum restaurant. They have a really awesome secret recipe sauce. However, Criminal Brooklyn and Criminal Daddy Shark steal the secret sauce and open a 'Chum Bucket' equivalent to Yum Yum Restaurant.

A hiker (?) or something comes by Bootleg YYR looking for a nutritious burger with a lot of meat. They almost used a tambourine instead of bread and started a fire when cooking the meat. They used a fire extinguisher on the food and still served it to this man.

Criminal Brooklyn gets mad and lets it slip that they STOLE from Yum Yum's. Criminal Brooklyn and Criminal Daddy Shark get arrested and Criminal Mommy Shark is also in jail for some reason.

Stardew Valley AU's I want

Obviously it makes the most sense to make Reader the farmer, but what if...

After the Joja collapse, Emily finally opens a fabric/clothing/jewelry store that Lewis only paid for on the condition that Pelican Town merch be sold when tourists visit. Reader can be family of someone who lives in Pelican Town or just find the job ad online idk.

Reader is Evelyn and George's older grandchild that spent their summers there until Alex drove them away by being a punk. Reader moves in when the city life gets too much and they kind of reconnect with Alex and maybe start working with or apprenticing with Robin or Harvey or maybe even Gunther.

Reader AND their sibling (twin even?) inherit the farm, but they haven't spoken since they left for college because of [redacted]. They have to work together to get the farm in shape and restore the community center and help the town, but it isn't easy.

Reader is apprenticing for Magnus. They help set up the maze at the festival, do research on the junimos, and form a beautiful friendship with Krobus AND the dwarf. They take the dwarf to the movies (I think he likes the movies?). They bring Krobus cute little trinkets and furniture to spruce up the sewers for him.

Emily gets a job out in the desert with her girlfriend Sandy and Reader takes over her job at the bar. They hear all of the hot gossip in town and Gus is like their father. In Gus we Trust.

If you do any of these pls tag me. If you do any of these and Sam or Sebastian are a love interest tag me twice. If you do any of these and Harvey is the love interest tag me 666 times pls and ty.

Pondered the fact that I am the average height of an American woman, but I’m not making a lot of eye contact with other American women.

I’m autistic… I don’t make eye contact with anyone.

The first time I ever received a D!ck Pic

Backstory: it is 2016. we started talking on Omegle chat and moved to kik. this was the first time i ever downloaded kik. i was 11 (said I was 18, looked 11) he was 18.

*after chatting for awhile*

Me: Omg I have a really cute cat! Do you want to see it?

Him: I would love to. Do you want to see my snake? He’s in my sweatpants.

“That’s a really weird place to keep your pet snakes” me thinks.

Me: yes! I love snakes! *sends photo of my pet cat, named Poppy*

Him: *sends [NOT SNAKE] photo*