Oh Uh. Scuse Me. Just A Lil Snail Crossing Your Dash

i need to know every language immediately

Things my professors have said: chemistry edition

"a human is just a sack of water"

"I once heard one of our professors explain to another one how incredibly important physical chemistry is. The other one replied, 'Yes I know. But it's so boring'"

[draws a goat on the wipeboard]

"I thought to myself, 'god, I'm still so young and these people are building a hydrogen bomb next door!'"

"the alchemists were lonely people because they stank"

"look at this unit! Physicists make everything more complicated"

"hydrogen is that guy who does sports. Deuterium is the one who wishes he did"

"not a day goes by that something doesn't explode in this faculty. Our dearly departed professor [name] who blew himself up in his laboratory and died on the spot-"

"who here enjoys trigonometry?" [Several people raise their hands] "you're weird"

"generally speaking, you can't write one over zero or else everyone gets a stroke - so we're going to use these anti-stroke brackets"

"when I was a little kid I liked to play with mercury. You don't do that though!"

And my personal favorite:

"so many great inventions in science have been made because people dream - so, I encourage you all to dream every day"

a dude came into the library stoned out of his mind and was like, “do I need a library card to look at books?” And I said, “to take books home, yes. To look at them, no” and he looked so relieved. bro was staring at a fish encyclopedia for like an hour and then just left.

My humanities teacher saying lbgqt😭

Girlie hit us with the remix

the "say something" text on the message box has never felt so taunting. im so scared.

Reading is my therapy *cries after every book I read and experiences an existential crisis each and every time*

reading books like the secret history is always such a wild ride, because i'm fully aware that it's a criticism of aesthetic hedonism and the elitism of academia, and then i'll read a line like " if we are strong enough in our souls we can rip away the veil and look at that naked, terrible beauty right in the face; let God consume us, devour us, unstring our bones. then spit us out reborn" and i go absolutely fucking feral.