Sunday Oct 11, 2020

5:55 am

Lately I’ve been finding myself drowning my sorrows In alcohol.

I promised myself to not find any other substance to become numb.

I lied to myself.

I crave for it now.

What’s sober?

I can’t get enough of it.

Those around me say to voice my problems to them but in the end, I am still misunderstood.

So I will stay in this shell of mine.

And accept my journey to cease to exist.

This is my own fate.

February 8, 2021

~Loneliness~

Last night had to of been another horrifying thing I went through and experience. Dealing with someone who has deep dark depression and energy is draining. It can effect you. It hurt my spirit to have gone through someone who were using inhuman activity and words towards me. What have I done? I’ve done nothing but to try to be an example of a better person and someone who is healing. My spiritual warfare I’ve been dealing with has not been easy. It’s been to break me down. Only thing I’m still standing is because of God. As much as I want to surrender. At the same time I can’t. I know things in life won’t get easier. But it’s never right to put the blame on others. Own up to your own mistakes and lessons and learn from them. She never wanted to. But uses me as a punching bag to put anger on me. As if I don’t feel alone in this world. I am lonely. I’ve been feeling like this for years. But I know spiritually I’m not alone because I have Jesus by my side. But oh my how my physical self feels like it’s just shattered in pieces. Toxic people who have no hope or faith will be the ones to way you down. But why is it a parent of mine. So many skeletons in my closet I’ve been hiding for years and why add more on to them? I don’t have any friends. No one. It’s just me. I just want to be with the Lord. I can’t handle the emptiness that’s in my chest. Save me! I say to God. Why am I always alone. Then a voice in my head tells me. “You’re not alone I’ve always been with you by side.” Just notice me.

消去された

~The town without me~ by Kayo Hinazuki

When I get bigger, bigger enough to go somewhere by myself, I want to go to a land that’s far away.

I want to go to an faraway island.

I want to go to an island that has no people.

I want to go to an island that has no pain or sadness.

On that island, I can climb a tree when I want to climb, swim in the sea when I want to swim, and sleep when I want to sleep.

When I think about the town without me, I feel a sense of relief.

I want to go far, far away.

When you left me.. you replaced me in an instant like I was a no one.

You left when someone close to me had passed away.

I was left not only grieving a death of a loved one, but now a death of a relationship.

You looked me in the eyes and said I’m just like everyone else.

It seemed all along I fought for our relationship but you didn’t do the same.

You were always on my mind but I wasn’t on yours.

And even now…. You still are.

I need to get you out my head.

Young Kim and her dad 🖤💕

Always look up, Life is beautiful <3

Haruhi Suzumiya 🤍🖤

Alice and wonderland 🌺