Ford With A Partner Who Loves Country Music… While He Does Not

MY HAND SLIPPED.

I can never leave Tumblr because after years of sporadic therapy utterly failed to even approach the core of my problem some random tumblr user was like “I processed my trauma by writing a 10,000 word work of filthy fanfic erotica” and I was like “fuck it I’ve tried everything else” and now I’m 17 chapters and 20,000 words deep into an unpublishable work of obscenity and after careful literary analysis with one of the Beloved Mutuals I have come to some Terrible Revelations about my childhood and may now continue the process of Healing. Where else am I supposed to get this kind of experience. Who does this. Why are we like this. I’m never leaving. I love y’all.

I think Stanford made an alt tumblr account again

Speculative Biology of Euclydians (and Bill Cipher) part 1

Part 2

We're doing this, babies!

This analysis is based on two assumptions:

Before Bill Cipher became a demigod, he was a biological, living organism and so were the rest of his species.

Even after Bill Cipher became a demigod, he still retained some physical characteristics of his biological form.

I will clearly specify which of his abilities are innate abilities of his species, which ones are definitely his divine abilities and which ones could be both.

This is part one. This analysis became VERY long, so I'll separate it into FIVE parts:

Part 1: What is Euclydia and what are Euclydians?

Part 2: How Euclydians function as animals? (This is where I explain how are they built, what their organs do, how they feed, move, speak etc.)

Part 3: Reproduction NSFW (this one I separated because it's NSFW. It'll be nothing explicit, but I doubt your boss would be thrilled if he found out that you're reading about how triangles fuck in your office)

Part 4: Growth and development (here I will also talk about Bill's deformity and Euclydean society)

Part 5: How Bill Cipher destroyed Euclydia and got his god like powers?

SO, without further ado:

What is Euclydia and what are Euclydians?

I'm gonna drop a bomb first.

Euclydia IS NOT a flat two dimensional plane. Before you load your shotguns, let me explain!

There are many proofs both in the Gravity Falls show and The Book of Bill that Euclydia isn't a flat plane like the imaginary two dimensional world from Flatland by Edwin A. Abbot.

The first one is actually Bill himself. Bill's species has complex camera lens type of eyes. Such eyes are possible in 2D world, but not on the front, like Bill has. He was born like that, so that is proof that Euclydia isn't 2D.

Next, when Bill is talking about his home in Weirdmageddon part 3, he shows an image of his home planet:

This planet has RINGS. That is COMPLETELY impossible in 2D. Even if the planet was completely flat, the rings would go through it. They would never be able to actually encircle this planet. So, if Euclydia was two dimensional, Bill's home planet would not be able to exist.

In the Book of Bill, we see image of Bill as a baby. In that image he's standing on some kind of field with grass and you can clearly see that there's grass in front of him and behind him, and that's impossible in 2D:

(also sorry for the shit quality of this pic)

But the best proof is that image from thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com that you get when you type VALLIS CINERIS in the computer. It shows Bill Cipher as a child with his parents. The parents are holding him in a manner that is completely impossible in 2D:

The image quality sucks, but you can clearly see that his parent's hands are IN FRONT OF him and he is also IN FRONT OF his parents. The position of "in front of" isn't possible in two dimensions and yet on this image the overlap happens many times. (I circled his parents' hands in red where they overlap with Bill and I circled him in blue where he overlaps with his parents. Bill's bow tie is also in front of him.).

With all that being said, what is Euclydia?

Well, just like Bill said, it's a flat world. Not two dimensional, but flat. The third dimension of Euclydia is limited somehow. Basically, in 3D, creatures are defined by 3 axis:

x axis is left and right (width)

y axis is up and down (height)

z axis is towards and away from (depth)

All three dimensional objects have both width, height and depth. Two dimensional objects have just width and height, so just x and y axis. And Bill has depth. It's a very limited depth, but it is depth nonetheless. So he's not really a triangle, more like a very thin pyramid. This is his side profile lmao:

So Euclydeans have some depth, but for whatever reason, they can't move on z axis. They can only move left, right, up and down. They also can't turn around.

This is how thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com explains Euclydian movements:

Two dimension to and fro, you always know which way to go. If you're lost, don't be afraid, in Euclydia you've got it made. Run too far right to right of frame, you'll appear on left again. Jump too high don’t cry or fret, pop up from the ground I bet. In this place, there is no fear, loved ones will be ever near. Roles and rules always flea/clear. Euclydia, we hold you dear.

So, if they move too far left, they'll come from the other side. This is actually something that in possible ONLY in non-euclidean geometry, which means that Euclydia, ironically, is a non-euclidean place. It's actually a sphere (or a similar elliptical body).

In non-euclidean geometry of the sphere, there exists something that sounds paradoxical: a straight line is actually a circle. But it's actually very easy to understand with this example:

Imagine that you're flying a plane in a straight line. You feel like you're going in a straight line, but your plane is actually following the curvature of the Earth. If you manage to fly around the entire Earth, you will appear on the same spot where you started flying. You were flying in a straight line, but because Earth is a non-euclidean sphere, you were actually flying in a circle. And both of those are true!

The plane is very very small compared to the size of the Earth. So, to the plane, Earth's curvature is so negligent that we could say that in a small radius around it the Earth is actually a flat plane. So, for example, houses, neighborhoods, even cities are built relying only on euclidean geometry (the geometry of a flat plane) because the Earth is so goddamn big.

And Euclydia is actually a whole fucking dimension. Let's say that our dimension is our universe. Our universe is approximately 93 billion light-years wide. So let's say that that's the size of Euclydia. How tiny is Earth compared to the Universe? That's why planets and everything else in Euclydia can be treated as a flat plane: every object is so small compared to the size of this giant sphere that the curvature could be completely omitted from the equation.

Now this is my theory, but I imagine that Euclydia looks like a giant soap bubble. Soap bubbles are made when two thin layers of soap molecules trap a thin layer of water:

Euclydia is the water - that thin layer is where all the planets, stars and living beings on them are located. That's why movement on z axis is so limited. The soap molecules are membranes that separate Euclydia from the other dimensions, one inside the bubble and one outside.

Since Euclydians can't move across z axis, they have eyes on their sides that can see only left and right. Their vision is limited to one dimension. But Bill's eye is located in a spot that allows him to see both left and right, but also up and down. He can see two dimensions, just like us! Here's a diagram I made, so you can understand better:

(there are stars outside too, but I didn't want to clutter this image more)

So, now that I've spent SO MUCH TIME explaining what is Euclydia, let me tell you what are Euclydeans.

Euclideans are animals (or their equivalent in their dimension). Animals are defined as multicellular heterotrophic organisms with an internal digestive tract. This basically means multicellular organisms that eat.

Euclydeans have to be multicellular because they have extremely complex structures such as: camera lens eyes, teeth, fingerprints, exoskeleton and so on. These traits cannot be achieved by a unicellular organism. And they definitely eat their food, we've seen Bill do it. So they are (their dimension's equivalent of) animals.

And how they function? What type of animal are they? Well, see you at part two, if this didn't bore you to death already!

Thank you to @forseenconsequences @extremereader and @ok1237 for asking me to do this. Hope you like it, guys!

Thinking...💭

Does Bill enjoy extreme temperatures and hunger? Have a wonderful day/evening, toodaloo! ^ ^

vivian-za-determined-luna-moth asked:

+thirst forgot to add that part

my headcanon is that, should he find himself occupying a body that needs food & drink, he finds hunger & thirst are totally ignorable until they're debilitating, so they don't contribute to his "pain is fun."

There's a couple of things we know about Bill in his natural form:

he's "a being of pure energy" (WITH NO WEAKNESSES)

according to Ford, even when Bill's hand is on fire, he's cold to the touch

So my headcanon is that Bill is constantly passively absorbing energy from his environment. Heat, light, electricity—what he gives off as a cute yellow glow is NOTHING compared to how much he's taking in.

(See also: Ford saying that he saw Bill as the sun but now realizes he's a black hole. If I say he absorbs energy then that means his body resembles his personality: you'll get a slight warm glow from him without ever noticing how much energy he sucks out of you.)

And so, because of that?

Heat. Loves heat. Can't get enough heat. The hotter the better. While everyone else is sweating to death and screaming in pain because they accidentally touched a piece of metal that had been left in the sun and crying "WHY GOD WHY WHAT DID WE DO TO DESERVE THIS FIERY END" Bill's going "would anybody mind if I turn the fan off, I'm a bit chilly" and then not waiting for an answer.

The inside of the Fearamid was so hot, touching the floor/walls with your bare skin would burn. Bad news for the people who tumbled out of the stone throne onto the floor.

Saw his own dimension burned, burned with it, and has needed to keep burning ever since.

On the other hand, Bill can't stand the cold at all.

Is it still ford gets held down day @candycatfalls?

🟥🟡👁️🔹🟢

Hoo boy, all the typos I gotta fix

Bill Cipher x Bounty Hunter!Reader Concept

Wherein Bill escaped the Theraprism, and Dimension #5150 sends their best bounty hunter after him. YOU!

But none of them ever expected you to fall in love with him.

The Theraprism was a place built to rehabilitate. But with the Great Axolotl's sudden disappearance, a lot of convicts used the opportunity to slip away and disappear. Among them, was the infamous Bill Cipher.

~~~

You pick up his book after finding the last human who read it. Your mind is hungry for information about him- the first ever convict to escape the Theraprism, a space outside of time, a place of redemption.

How evil and powerful do you have to be to escape such a place?

You convince yourself you're reading it to find out where he is. To know the scale of Bill Cipher's crimes. But deep down, you knew better than that.

It was helpful in tracking the triangle down, but also for entertainment.

"Slow days? Why don't you come on over for a drunk at O'Sadley's, my favorite pub in the entire Rock Bottom Asteroid Belt of the Vicious Spiral Nebula! Their "I'm Fine" juice is guaranteed to keep you coming back."

The book entertains you on a boring day.

"Ever think to yourself, mystery reader, what would happen if two warring planets collided in an epic, world-ending display? Ya ever pick up any romance novels? I'm a sucker for Enemies-to-Lovers fics, myself. So I made two planets kiss once, it was COOL! FIXED THEIR LITTLE WAR PROBLEMS TOO AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

There was a lot of filler pages just filled with "AHAHAHA"s, you noticed.

The contents were indeed disturbing. At least, to a mortal or any normal person. You've seen worse in your line of work, really. But so far, all you saw were funny little stories of mischief and shocking antics. Nothing of a dimension or planet killer.

Perhaps, that was all that he wanted you to see.

"SAY PAL, I KNOW I ASKED YA LIKE A BAJILLION TIMES ALREADY... BUT D'YA WANNA MEET UP FOR A DRINK? I COULD USE A NEW DRINKING BUDDY AFTER THAT LAST ONE GREW A SPINE AND TRIED TO ZAP ME OUT OF EXISTENCE!"

The book spoke to you. Tried to befriend you. You knew deep down it was a ruse, that it was manipulating you. It even asked you to give it some of your blood, once. Ha! No one would ever fall for that. So you decided to take a break from it.

The next time you opened it, the words written there weren't so funny.

"Y'know, I wish I could see the look in your face while you're reading this", the book wrote, its ink fading into splotchy letter.

"Why are you stalling? What's taking so long? Can you really not find me, or is it that...."

A singular, giant eye flashed through the darkened pages of the book, startling you.

"...You're having fun reading my book? You're enjoying my stories, aren't you. Ya sick little freak! We're not so different, you and I."

"You're not as good and moral as you think you are, [REDACTED]."

Upon surrendering the book to the Wardens of the Theraprism, you were tasked with hunting Bill down.

You closed the book after that, heart hammering in your chest. You couldn't look at it for days.

~~~

Shaken yet determined to do your job, you set out after him. It needed to be done, the book was made of lies. The book was made to manipulate the reader.

You needed to do your job, before Bill destroys more lives. You needed to be a Warden, and bring him to justice.

You needed to go back to your monotonous, violent, and bleak life, where all you did was spill blood and-

You needed to find Bill.

He asked you time and time again to have a drink with him.

And you knew just the bar to find him in.

Psst, thanks for reading!

Pitching an idea into the void here. The reader isn't human, still fleshing out what she is. But she is an entity whose SOLE purpose is to be a bounty hunter and warden to the Theraprism.

Okay, alright, listen!

I know you're all busy thirsting over Stan right now, which is understandable... BUT

...no, i'm running out of excuses.

DRAW ME LIKE ONE OF YOUR ANOMALIES, STRANGE OLD MAN!!

I was bored, so i decided to play “fashion designer” and drew him lookin all stylish💙Should I do Stan next?🤔