So I had a hysterectomy today (hooray!) and I brought along my stuffed orca, Shamu, as a comfort object. And everyone i interacted with during my pre-op was like "Oh! Who's this?" so I was telling them all about him, how he's been with me since I was 9 and gone on every single vacation and road trip, and they were telling me about their own stuffed buddies (one lady said she still has hers after 40 years!) and all of this while I was signing consent forms and providing a list of the things I'd brought with me, you know, small talk.
So then a nurse comes over and goes "Okay, I've got some stickers I'll put on your things so we know they're yours" and I'm like "OK cool" so she puts a sticker on my coat and stickers on my bags of clothes and then she turns to Shamu and I'm like "oh I guess he gets a sticker too"
But no. She pulls out a hospital bracelet that's an exact copy of mine and slaps it on his tail, like so:
And i was delighted by this, so I took a picture to send to my friends, who were equally delighted, and were cracking me up with their reactions (like so:)
Anyway, they take me back and put me under, and when I awake groggily a few hours later it takes me a minute to get my bearings, so I don't notice Shamu at first. But then I realize he's tucked up next to me in the gurney, so I grab him, and my hand touches gauze.
And I'm like "huh?" so I look at him and I realize
They gave my fucking orca a hysterectomy
i dont trust people who constantly shit on the sarawatine high five and now the patpran fist bump
y’all know people in relationships are allowed to be physically affectionate with each other beyond just making out? y’all know people in relationships are allowed to be friends as well as lovers?
like sorry that you just want to fetishise mlm and see them kiss constantly on your screen without using any critical thinking skills, or try to scream that it’s actually homophobic that they didn’t get down right then and there but the rest of us who actually understand the nuance of relationships are smarter and cooler than you’ll ever be
sorry i was so weird but you invoked a topic i am incapable of being normal about
i love that whenever wei wuxian gets accused of a crime his default defense is “i didnt do it because if i did i would have a done a better job”
i’ve just learned my grandmother has had dentures since she was 18. no teeth since 18.