Dawgs

humans are space orcs

Like if standardization wasn't common in alien life, we just showed them how easy is it, if they just standardized things. It would be like-

Little human: We have to upgarde parts for spaceship thrusters

Alien: Ohh, little one, because your kind has only had FTL travel for 3 cycles you mustn't understand. A thruster from some other human ship wouldn't just PLUG into your space ship. You would have to find the exact same ship but with better thrusters, but oh, each thruster is especially made for the ship.

Little human: Each thruster isn't especially made for ships. we just have to find a thruster with a E20-1 plug because all human spaceships have a E20-1 port.

Alien: What?

Little human: Its really simple, ANY E20-1 plug fits into ANY E20-1 port

Alien: I know that ANY E20-1 plug fits into ANY E20-1 port, but ALL ships use the E20-1 port

Little human: Yeah

Alien: I-i-i still don't understand?

Little human: its standardized.

“Humans are such a pathetic little thing”, the Ambassador of Elriene said, on her all-mighty, echoing voice. “Always trying to show off, to look better than the pathetic, soft, flesh creatures they truly are”.

The flames of the broken ship were getting bigger, hungrier, consuming whatever they could. A precise, surprise attack to get more treasures.

The Ambassador played with the crystal ball on her hand, watching as it glew with sunlight. All the aliens below her lowered their eyes, terrified of her wrath. For the Ambassador, this was all but another day of work, conquering and taking everything the Land of Elriene deemed below them. And she was their terrifying, beautiful beast.

“Humans are a plague”, she said, sounding like a whisper. “A crooked, evil plague. They take what they want, they leave sickness behind. They do not care about any of you, for their greed is far stronger than any sense of love. You are all lucky for having me there; otherwise, your little humans would for sure destroyed you in order to survive this deathworld you crashed in”.

Then, like she wanted to make her cruel joke come to a conclusion, she turned to one of her guards. He immediately grabbed one of the three humans that were lying on the ground, tossing him to the Ambassador’s front.

The earthling whispered curses as he raised his head, staring into her cold eyes.

“Pathetic thing”, she said. “What are you going to tell me? That deep down, you humans are all good? Or, mayhaps, that even if you are indeed cruel, you still chose to be good, to be better?”

The man blinked. On the other side, the crew watched with horror, not being able to do anything else but pray that a miracle would happen.

He took a deep breath, then. The Ambassador always made sure to show everyone in the entire Universe of the last words her enemies would say, making sure that even the brighest cry of hope sounded more like a pathetic whimper of a fool.

“No”, the human whispered.

“Oh?”

The Ambassador was smiling. Of course she was; she had won. No human survives the anger of the Land of Elriene.

“I was going to say that you’re a moron and that I’m going to hunt your ass down to the ends of the Universe.

But all humans made sure to make a spetacle.

“You… What?”

She was more annoyed than surprised. That whole ideal was like a vermin being annoying to the good, righteous gardener, who always worked hard to keep the place clean and beautiful.

“Can’t understand something simple like being called a moron?”, he added, smiling menacingly. “Damn, your guards must pity you so much, they can’t even say something as obvious as that. Sorry for them”.

“What an interesting insect we have here…”.

“I’m a mammalian, actually. Weren’t you a human hunter? You kind of need to know this sort of stuff”.

“Careful, Brian!”, a second human, Dominique, rose their voice, dark eyes gleeming with delight. “I don’t think she can understand that. Her planet doesn’t have many mammalians”.

“Oh, sorry for that, girl”, Brian procceeded, apologising with a head nod. “Human education is kinda different. I thought that, since you hated humans so much, you would know more”.

The Ambassador looked at the two… Gremlins. Yes, the precise word! Bad, nasty, pesky gremlins! She raised her head, too disgusted to look at them in the face: “I know what a ‘mammalian’ is. I simply did not comprehend just how stupid you could be. And here I was, actually being careful with my plans! Vermin like you-”

“Mammalian”, the third and final human, Antônia, corrected her.

“Vermin like you”, the Ambassador insisted. “Should die. Just like the way your planet died”.

“We brought Earth back, though?”, Brian asked. “That’s basic human history”.

“What if she can’t read human books?”, Antônia suggested. “Poor girl! You should get yourself a translator. They are really cool. I use one!”

“ENOUGH!”

The trio shut themselves, looking at the all-mighty, foolish Ambassador. With a skin glowing in pure blue, she floated to be above them all, tossing the crystal ball to one of her guards.

“Off with them”, was her order. “Get them out of my sights. Show these foolish ones our exterminating job”.

“Oh!”

Everyone turned to look at Dominique, who, tied up, jumped and rolled around until they could be in front of their fellow humans, pathetically trying to clap their hands.

“Me first!”, they asked.

The Ambassador rolled her eyes. “Shoot her in the arms”.

Brian could see the rest of their crew looking at them in horror. They whispered and begged for some kind of mercy, but the cruel Ambassador simply did not care. With the brevity of a blink, a shot was fired.

The aliens screamed. The humans did not.

“Uh…”, one of the guards whispered. “Ma’am… Isn’t human blood supposed to be a darker red?”

“Of course! W…”

Dominique shrugged, looking at their (prosthetic) arm splattered in the ground, a neon shade of red coming out of it, becoming strange, unusual tones as it spread around.

“Ma’am, Ambassador, girl, friend”, the human shouted. “Didn’t you know there is more than one type of human?”

“What?!”

“Yeah!”, Brian agreed. “There’s thirty-seven types of humans around”.

“What?!”

“Dominique here is kind of undead. They will rise from the grave and eat your flesh if you keep messing around with our crew!”, Antônia added, smiling. “Approach me, and I’ll tear your arms out with my silver teeth!”

She opened her mouth, showing shiny pieces of metal decorating her yellowed teeth, with a single string connecting them all. The Ambassador, never hearing of a basic thing such as braces, made a horrified, disgusting noise.

All the aliens from the Land of Elriene were allergic to silver.

“I-is that true, ma’am?!”, one of the guards asked their leader, horrified.

“N-no!”, but that did not sound like someone was sure of herself.

“AND I TELL YOU MORE!”, Brian shouted, awkwardly getting up. “Mess with me, and my ancestors are going to hunt you down even after death!”

“P-prove it, then”, the Ambassador said.

The man immediately made the most horrifying, awful, ear-shattering noise he possibly could, shaking his head around to immitate both an elrienean being mauled by a predator, and a person being possessed in an horror flick.

Brian jumped around, screaming and shaking himself, before throwing himself to the ground.

Like the vermin the Ambassador believed all humans to be, he crawled his way towards her, laughing.

“fooOooOoOOOLISH c RE aTURE”, he whispered. “dARES TO HURT OUR COMPANIONS?”

Dominique and Antônia blinked at their friend when the Ambassador kicked him in the face with a scream.

“Get out of me!”, she ordered, watching as Brian fell to the ground and…

Laughed.

“IF WE ARE VERMIN, WE ARE PARASITE. IF WE ARE PARASITE, YOU ARE OUR HOST”, he continued, ignoring Dominique awkwardly trying to hold him close. “AND WE ARE HUNGRY”.

The Ambassador screamed with horror, along all the guards. Antônia got up, showing off her (fake) silver teeth, and they all immediately started to run.

Dominique threw their prosthetic arm to the invader’s direction, warranting a scream. The Ambassador dropped the crystal ball, cursing as she ran away from the “possessed, daemonic parasite”, completely ignoring Brian coughing as he tried to recover from his own acting.

When the invaders escaped in their ship, everyone looked at the trio.

The humans smiled, of course, and shared a high-five.

“And that’s why you don’t mess with actors”.

—

Ko-fi | Commission Info

“You forget”

Okay but consider, aliens thinking humans are only surviving on our death world because of our machines since we don’t really have any natural advantages? Eg we don’t have tusks, fur, or anything else that aliens might think one needs so they make fun of humans. but that one alien who has gotten stranded on death worlds or even on some places of earth, and know we don’t technically need advantages or machines… (this is just me explaining things needlessly probably over explaining. its completely self indulgent bc i find humans funky and like explaining things :D)) The bar is loud, different species mingling, laughing, trading stories. In the back of the loud, hot as hell bar is a large group of Pilgrophams, huge, thick skinned species with bald heads and tusks, laughing, sloshing yalagran in their cups (also known as beer across many species) A few other species are there, a Swelvie, lean and muscular, with long talons and sharp carnivores teeth, and a long demon arrow tail. 3 or 4 Grublirgs, squat things with scales and powerful jaws, hands, and even harder fists, small spikes all across their back. “See thats where your wron’ Nakatachie, the humans could never survive without their precious little machines. photon blasters and what was it… bombs?” The Pilgropham laughs, sounding guttural. The group around him laughs as well, but not one lone being, squashed in the corner. A Frilgrettin, one of the smaller extraterrestrials, but, they have claws and poisons that could kill most species instantly. “They are deathworlders Potoki, don’t be fooled by their soft flesh” the Frilgrettin looks up at Potoki, the snide Pilgropham it seems, face serious. “Aren’t we all little Frilly? Where are their tusks? Their scale or fur or talons, hell, where are their poison tails?” The ogre like being says, thinking he made a point. The frilgrettin, called Brouve, chuckles. “Humans, do not need those things to survive.” “And how would you know?” Someone chimes in from the crowd of listeners. Brouve chuckles again. “I got stranded on XT-fl-1, 9th galaxy, with a pair. I would know” Some of the species around Brouve hoot, but most scoff. “Impossible. A human of all species would not be able to survive an 1 classified planet, much less one in the ninth galaxy.” The one named Potoki says, not buying it. Brouve raises an eyebrow at him, lifting his tail to reveal several poison glands missing. Further up his body, is covered in burn and cold scars from the 1-class planet. “Then I must be a ghost because I sure as void would be dead without those humans” More scoffs and outright laughs. Potoki, who seems to be some sort of leader of the group, being the biggest, goes to speak again but Brouve raises one of his appendages. “Now, you, are going to voided listen, because I’m about to tell you some shit that apparently, is not only common knowledge, but easily practised and conditioned on the humans Planet” The beings around him scoff, but its clear Brouve have their attention. Potoki crosses their arms. Brouve stretches the silence, thinking back to the 4 cyclings, or weeks as the human had said they spent on that hell of a planet. “first off, you must know humans have… other senses. Not only the semi standard of sight, hearing, touch, tasting and smelling.” “Humans, have several more obscure senses from what I could tell.” “She called it, her danger sense, watching sense, weather sense, and… common sense. We will get back to the rest later but first…” “A human’s danger sense, is the ability to sense danger, to an extent. For example, The human knew of predators near by simply by something she said was a ‘gut feeling’, which apparently humans fall back onto this feeling quite a lot, using it for most of their non-physical senses” Brouve took a swig of his beer, relishing in the way the large group had simply gone quiet to listen to him. “There were apex predator, ones even my venom could not take down- mind you, I’m not able to take humans down with it either. Their ‘immune system’ stops me from causing them any biological harm that way- and the human would simply know when it wasn’t safe. Jade would get up in the middle of the night, rushing us away for no identifyable reason, Mark- that was the other one’s name by the way- agreed, even if all she had done was mutter a few words in their native language, claiming something was coming when nothing had even changed. Neither were never wrong however, not when hideous, blackened, dangers creatures would stroll through our camp the other human had set up in the span of a day, maybe two.” Brouve took another swig of his drink jaw clenching. “They saved my life you know, mid attack. Humans are fast. Very fast. They simply outran the creatures and dangers after us” Brouve blinks the flashes of danger from their eyes, trying not to get sucked into the dark memories.  After a minute or so, before they lost the people’s interest, they started speaking again. “And a watchers sense, as mark called it. It’s kinda like the danger sense, just slightly varying.” “Humans can detect when something is watching them, from afar, or close by, hidden or not. Apparently,  yet again, they can ‘feel your eyes on them’ and even sometimes identify semi exactly where the stare was coming from.” Potoki scoffed, but they were about the only one, and it sounded forced. Like they believed Brouve but didn’t want it to seem that way. Acidic venom stung Brouve’s eyes, the flashes coming back more intensely, fear boiling his cold blood, and her wipes away the tears, determined no tto cry in front of everyone here in a packed bar “And- and weather sense.” “Their bodies physically react to changes in atmosphere, alerting them of weather changes and if it could potentially be dangerous” “A squeezing in their knee, sudden and certain sensations or pains, anything, sometimes changing depending on humans” Wide eyes filled with awe and admiration filled everyone’s faces, even Potoki seemed in amazement now. Although quickly burying it with a facade of skepticism. “Eh, you seem to know a lot, sure you didn’t just pick that up as some folklore, maybe a little white lying here and there?” The ogre jabbed. “I was on planet  XT-fl-1 for 4 cycles, with virtually nothing to do other than survive. We traded stories and they answered my questions, and jsut because your planet was mostly domesticated and you probably grew up in a nice 9th-class planet, doesn’t mean you can take away from humans. if you don’t believe me you can void off” Brouve stood up, walking away, some following, some staying as Potoki went green in the face but tried to laugh it off. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Alr what do you guys think :D guve me suggestions ideas and hc’s to write about as well plsss-

a reminder for the LGBTQIA+ community: a needlessly long post of things i’d like to say 

i’ve noticed a lot of hostility in the LGBTQIA+ community recently, both online and outside, and want to talk about some things.

You are NOT entitled to know anyone’s sexuality, or force anyone to come out to make their queerness “valid”. They are valid regardless.

You can be gay and transphobic, pan and acephobic, or non-binary and biphobic, or anything! Don’t use “i can’t be ___phobic, i’m LGBTQIA+” as an excuse to shit on other members of the community.

Intersex people exist. Don’t erase the intersex community- they are here and they are real. 

Don’t insist someone is/is not LGBTQIA+ because of how they act/look/dress/etc. You are not in charge of their identity and you certainly are not entitled to it.

Don’t press people for stories. If you’re only going to talk to a gay/trans/bi/non binary/ pan/ etc. person to only talk about their queerness for publicity or “confirmation they’re queer”, that’s not support. We’re don’t have to validate ourselves to you.

PoC members of our community are in more danger/are more targeted towards hate than our white counterparts. “but we both endure homophobia-“ no. Sure, you both do, but they have to endure racism and racist- founded homophobia on top of that. Let go of your white fragility and listen.

No one in the LGBTQIA+ community faces the exact same problems. Gay people don’t face the same issues as trans people. Bi people don’t face the same issues as ace people. If you try to invalidate someone by saying “they don’t face the same things i do”, well, congrats. You’ve now excluded everyone but yourself. 

I know there are some seriously religious homophobes out there and a lot of trauma can come from religious places but PLEASE do not bash religion as a whole or anyone who is religious just due to it- the last thing we need to be doing is creating a barrier for those of us who belong to both a religious community and our pride one. They belong here too.

Our pride community was built to be a place of support and inclusivity, and it is an amazing thing!! But it has flaws like everything does. We have toxic traits we need to work on, and we need to accept those traits and do our best to fix them. 

some things as a ✨positive reminder✨ for anyone who needs it:

You do not have to label yourself. Anyone who says you do is probably insecure of their own identity. Your identity is valid, label-defined or not.

You don’t have to look or act a certain way to be a part of our community. Stereotypes can help us find each other but can also be harmful for those who don’t fall into them.

Queer identities are supposed to make you feel comfortable and happy. If they don’t, that’s okay. You don’t have to be any specific anything. 

You do not have to come out. You can be out to a small group of people, everyone on the internet, or just your closest friend. You could just be out to yourself if that’s what you’re happy with. 

Respect gender and sexuality across cultures and across generations!! Not everyone and everywhere uses the same terms or words things the same way. Don’t make fun of older folks for not using the term “queer” when it was used derogatively their time. Don’t insist that indigenous gender identities aren’t real, because they absolutely are. You don’t have to understand it- but at least respect it. 

You can change. If you used to identify with something that no longer feels right for you, that’s okay. You’re just as valid as you were before. 

You are not “sensitive” or “too serious” for calling out legitimate hate disguised as a joke. Great job for doing it, that takes guts. 

You don’t owe the world your life story. Even though gay representation is needed in this day and age, you shouldn’t be hounded to share all your experiences. You can just say “that’s that” and that’s enough.

Internalized homo/bi/pan/transphobia is a thing and it is hard to work on. Anyone struggling with accepting themselves, you got this. You are welcome here too. 

You can be religious and part of the LGBTQIA+ community. You can belong here. You are welcome. You and your beliefs are valid. 

Your sexuality is valid. Your gender is valid. Your emotions are valid. Your choices are valid. You are valid.

Realizing who you are is hard work. It can take months, years- we’re all just trying to live on a little rock in space the best we can. So come on- be nice to each other and just live our lives. 

let’s make our community something to be proud of.

Your rival, all grown up.

10 or 11 little ducks have been spotted crossing the dash board

the process of transitioning has a lot of ups and downs. you will experience massive highs of euphoria and crushing lows of dysphoria as you change things about yourself. you will hate and love your new hair many times, you will be scared and excited by what hormone replacement therapy brings, you will be worried about how much you've changed yourself and if you can recognize the new person you see as yourself. you may struggle to adapt, you may accept everything gracefully as it comes, you may do a little of both. either way, it's okay to be affected by transition. it's okay to have highs and lows. it's okay to both love and hate what you're experiencing. it's okay to struggle, if you do. transition is hard, but it's worth it for those who want it.

Jupiter’s moon Io is one of my favourite looking planets- and according to NASA, the most volcanically active in the solar system.