BUT WHO COULD LOVE ME? I AM OUT OF MY MIND // IVAN & TILL

create your own archives people!!!

You should be starting a recipe book. I don't give a shit if you're only 20-years-old. The modern web is rotting away bit by bit before our very eyes. You have no idea when that indie mom blog is going down or when Pinterest will remove that recipe. Copy it down in a notebook, physically or digitally. Save it somewhere only you can remove it. Trust me, looking for a recipe only to find out it's been wiped off the internet is so fucking sad. I've learned my lesson one too many times.

Ultra-specific trope im thinking really hard about: When a character refuses to kill someone who asks them to, not out of righteousness or any care for the other person, but out of hostility or spite. No, I won’t give you what you want. I won’t let you escape this through death.

[𝟒.𝟏𝟎]

today I: did laundry took out the trash discussion post drunk 2 bottles of water took Instagram pictures call grandpa and tell him happy birthday

my daily allotted complaining time:

I got a 75 on my exam, I expected a higher grade. I studied, but not nearly as much as I could have, and I am conflicted on my feelings about it. Last semester I failed the class, and this semester I was determined to do better, and I am, but I still struggle with taking test. I've never been good at taking test, in high school I could skate by with good grades because tests were never worth much and even if they were I could always do retakes, but I've been "learning" how to study, and even if I don't get a A in the class anything would be an improvement since last semester.

moral of the story:

today i wanted nothing more but to rot in bed, but I knew I shouldn't, its so easy to slip into a routine of doing only what is mandatory, but I made myself get up, and getting up was just the first stop. take the day one step/ task at a time, and it was relatively slow-moving to start, and I didn't accomplish nearly as much as I wanted to, but I did certainly more than I would have if I had left myself sit in bed all day and mindlessly scroll

This is your daily reminder to not be ashamed of making your life easy for yourself.

Cut your food into small pieces, make the font size 30 on your e book, use straws to drink, get a pen that’s comfortable to hold, take more naps, walk slowly, eat another cookie, buy velcro shoes, re-watch the part you couldn’t understand the first time, write things on your hands so you don’t forget it… whatever you want and/or need

Don’t let anyone tell you how you should be doing things. We don’t need to prove each other anything

"just write the story you want to read!" they said. well, guess what, now i have 14 unfinished drafts because apparently, i want to read 14 different stories at once.

another tip, if you forget how to write, read your favorite book

writing tips from your friendly neighborhood author whos about to get published (yay me!)

sorry from the brag in the title but I'm very proud of myself and how much my writing has improved in the past year so i thought I would share some tips that helped me

read alot

analyize the style of authors you enjoy or want to write like (ie: story structure, diction, voice, tone, sentence structure, figurative language) i have a template i use if anyone wants

write daily ( it could be journaling, fanfiction, or even a blog post, writing daily builds a habit, and anything, any words on paper, is better than nothing at all)

if you're stuck, find a quote and write a short story around its use

your first draft is allowed to be crappy, hell it should be, it will never be perfect

it probably will be, but its only supposed to be first one, edit and revise as many times as you need to

tell what happening, show emotions

" she yanked the chair from underneath the desk, and sat down starring at the floor, before putting her forehead flat on the desk" sounds better than " she pulled the chair from underneath the desk, and sat down starring sadly at the ground."

hard work? at least put in the work!

as my mom once said to me:

"forget hard work! at least do work"

please, for some of us, talking about "hard work" is far away for us. so forget about working hard. what about just working? not working hard, just doing at least something for your future, yourself, your family. or are you okay with being a huge disappointment to others and yourself?

just doing the bare minimum at least for yourself! you don't have to go over the top or make it so hard for you. at least put in the bare minimum so you don't have to live the worst life. okay?

doing at least 5 pushups + 5 squats a day

studying a bit for exams

saying one affirmation of self-love a day

if someone talks to you, don't try to run away from the convo.

all this isn't hard. its just what every human being should be able to you (not talking about anyone with disabilities, thats a different case). okay?

the first step to this would be to reduce the amount of screentime everyday. i don't care if its "educational" or "self improvement", thats all bs. whats actually gonna make a difference is that instead of tricking your brain into thinking you're doing something or telling yourself "i'll work my hardest tomorrow", you don't work your hardest today but you work.

putting in little effort is still putting in effort.

i know that a lot of you are gonna be like "no but i believe in myself that i can put hard work into something i care about!" so okay. good job for believing in yourself, love that. but... are you actually gonna do it? or are you going to continue to sit and watch "educational" "self improvement" videos because it distracts and tricks you into thinking that this is hard work?*

*don't get me wrong, of course if you used to be a person who scrolled a bunch of nonsense, the first step would of course be to change what you consume into something better. but there comes a limit where you have to actually get up and put in the work. simply changing what you consume isn't all you need to do. theres more steps to improving your life. just like when you start with a new skill; in the beginning you may start with something very simple and easy for you to do. but once that becomes your "comfort zone" (as in very/ much easy to do), you need to move to something that challenges you more. otherwise, you never grow.

sure, believing that you are capable of doing it is certainly the first step of almost anything, but believing isn't just enough. you gotta actually do it. you don't earn my respect by "believing you can do it" (what are you, a toddler?) but by actually executing your plan. and for most of us, it turns out that our definition of "hard work" is actually just watching "self improvement" all day.

so what am i implying here? :

if you believe you can actually do the hard work, then do it. do not waste another second on self improvement videos (remember; those are just meant as a guide, a starter. a place for advice). if however, you find that you finally realise that hard work isnt just watching self improvement videos and having to actually do something, then shut up with the hard work. at least do work.

xoxo, vanilla.

i have so many projects planned out in my head that will probably never see the light of day because every time I open my docs i just stare at my screen and daydream about the projects instead of actually writing them