Oops

I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF BEING BRAVE! I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF SURVIVING! CAN ANYONE HEAR ME? AM I BEING TOO QUIET OR HAS MY WHINING BEGAN TO SOUND LIKE WHITE NOISE? I AM TIRED OF BEING BRAVE. I AM TIRED OF FEELING INHUMAN AND CALLING IT SURVIVAL. I AM TIRED OF BEING BRAVE. DID YOU HEAR ME? CAN YOU?

I wish I was a bear so I’d have a cave to crawl back into. Plus I could sleep all the time

Did a tarot reading the other day and it basically said my love life is doomed. I know at the end of the day it’s just cards but there was this one part that hurt me so bad I haven’t stopped thinking about it. When I pulled for the far future it said that if I have a family it will be doomed and I will repeat the same patterns my parents did.

I don’t know why it’s stuck in my head. It’s such a silly thing to get emotional over. But what if I do want a family and I just end up hurting them? What if I build a life just for it to crumble because of my self destructive tendencies? I come from a long line of people who didn’t know how to love each other, why would I be any different?

I feel like there is absolutely nothing in store for me.

all you need to do to understand me on a base level is read the lyrics to alameda by elliott smith

Tried to make a post about how much Christmas sucks, but it was mostly incoherent, so instead I’ll post the cliff notes version:

Having no parents on Christmas sucks. Having PTSD on Christmas sucks. Living with my aunt and uncle who make me feel on edge all the time because of how unpredictable their tempers are sucks. Spending Christmas with them sucks even more.

sun bleached flies - ethel cain

one day i will live in a house without slamming doors, angry men, and stinging words

one day

feeling sick to my stomach and i’m literally about to arrive at the function aftuallyyyyyyyy kill me

getting my own feelings hurt over shit i made up in my head i’m tweaking it’s like i Want to be miserable and alone

Guy who watched Rocky Horror one time:

MODESTY IS A FACADE!! PROFESSIONALISM IS A SCAM!!! EVERYONE GET SEXIER AND GROSSER NOW!!!!!!