The Story (I Got Caught) -Theft Under $5000

The Story (I got caught) -Theft under $5000

Strap in kids, this is a long one.

So I skip my class at 4:30 (I should have just gone…lol) to go to the mall that is pretty close to the mall I had my class at (the place I go to for DBT, rents space from the mall). I am beyond fucked at this point (coked up, high on weed, and slightly tipsy.. a winning combo for lifting) but I decide to hit my fave store anyway (it’s literally at every mall in my province..). I go up to the men’s section and go to town selecting a TON (also, don’t take as much as I did from 1 store..) of larger sized items from the Ralph Lauren section. I begin to do my usual detagging on the floor (away from cams), nothing is sus. There’s some old guys selecting shirts but I didn’t see the plain clothed LP. I make my way downstairs and out to the exit where my car is located. Suddenly, I turn around and see a guy walking up to me and I froze. He announces he’s LP and wants me to come back inside; I co-operate (if you ever want me to do something, give me coke..) Plus I was basically at my car. I’m too out of shape to drop and run, and if I dropped shit & if I ran & got in my car in my car later, I figured the cops would show up to my parents house based on the plates (can’t have that. I’m already on rocky fences with so many parking tickets).

KEEP IN MIND I SURVEIL MY SURROUNDINGS BEFORE I LEAVE!! I DONNO WHERE THIS FUCKER CAME FROM!!

We go into his office and he begins to ask me why I took this stuff. Being non-binary, I explained I wanted more masculine clothing for when I start my transition. Oddly enough, the cop & LP asked why I had sports bras? I guess I either passed well, or homies donno about binding (cop did.. but that’s another paragraph)??! Reading the shit about magnets on here had me sketched. When he wasn’t looking, I grabbed the magnet from my bra and dropped it down the back of my pants. Then kinda manuevered it from my butt crack to my vag, then up inside. If you looked at me, you’d probably think I was adjusting my thong or something. Smooth fucking operator. After some questioning about my motives and level of remorse (apparently I wasn’t remorseful enough for the cop??), and filling out some legal papers, the LP asks me if I had a magnet to remove the tags. I told him “Nooo! I just kinda tore the sensor apart”. Hehe. Vagina magnet, ftw. The cop then asks me to go with him in his cruiser so he can check my car for other stolen goods?!

At this point I’m freaking out. I send him on a wild goose chase for my car, hoping he’d just give up. But homie says, “One more chance. One more guess, or you’re going to jail tonight”. I immediately think, “well, guess I’m fucked either way”, so I direct him to the lot my car is in.

After a talk about trans issues, he goes to my car and looks for the weed I told him I left inside, as well as my grinder & bong. He only shines a light into my car, and seemed to only grab the weed I mentioned (I told him everything he’d find in my car besides the coke and alcoholic drink)He let’s me keep my bong, but takes my weed and grinder. I am SO lucky he didn’t open the OJuice container or go through my wallet where my coke was. I would have got dinged with a DUI. He even told me, “if I find something harder than weed, you’re fucked”.

Soooo yeah…. that was my experience tonight. Hopefully this was in depth enough that you learned from my stupidity.

I have a promise to appear in a month where I find out what is gonna happen. Only got charged on the theft, nothing else. Bless me. Hopefully, all I’ll have to do is community service (which I frigging love to do anyway). I mean, the dude I was seeing last year got busted for dealing drugs and only got community service… Why not me?? THINGS I DID WRONG:

~get too cocky (I’ve lifted $20,000 + without getting caught)

~wearing heavy boots & couldn’t run

lifting under the influence

~parking too close to an exit (like literally 3 spots deep. Im so dumb)

~not dressing for the area (went to a richish area, did not look the part)

~went in without my purse/wallet/ID (Purse would have helped me blend in. Probably looked weird when I came in with just my coat)

~entered the store from outside with my coat off (it was coat weather, but I was overheating on coke so I immediately looked unnatural for the weather/day)

90% sure I hit this store last week and lifted like $4XX in Calvin/RL jeans (I can’t remember.. I was high on weed/tipsy and I don’t remember the locations I hit last week (REMEMBER THEM. WRITE THEM DOWN IF YOU HAVE TO!!) vary your stores. Hell I haven’t hit my hometown location in a month and still heard “Security scan section 1” today… ahhh karma)

THINGS I DID RIGHT:

~Co-operate

~was (somewhat) honest about my reason for lifting

~added personal issues to complicate my story (ones I used are; family life, transition, homelessness, mental health/disability)

~was (somewhat) honest with the cop about other items in the vehicle & their location(s)

~unknowingly left my weed out in the open, which served as a great distraction to hide the alcoholic drink/coke

~put my magnet up my mother fucking vag!!

Formatting though… fuck that

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crayonboy

4 years ago

Me: *considers eating a healthy snack thats literally 2 fucking calories*

Ana and Mia:

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crayonboy

5 years ago

Imagine thinspo for myself, 14.2.20

it’s 9:00 and you don’t want to go to work.

you roll over in bed and reach for your phone, slender fingers quickly turning off your alarm. you sigh, stare at the ceiling, and wonder if there’s any way you could get out of it. until that time, though, you lazily sit up and put on your slippers. on the way to the bathroom, you pull your short hair back into a ponytail and yawn.

when you turn and look at yourself in the mirror, you feel confused for a moment... is that you? you see the girl in the mirror knit her brows together in confusion as she reaches a hand to touch her sharp jawline. her hand travels down her neck as she watches. moments later, she pulls the hair tie from her hair and watches her short, curly blonde hair fall in a chin-length bob, framing her slender cheeks wonderfully, accenting her brown doe eyes.

it’s you. truly, you have a hard time believing it. for months you lost yourself to the fact that you were to remain forever a chubby glutton, every time you looked in the mirror you saw the girl you were when ana came to you. now, for whatever reason, today you see who you became with her. a slender fae of a girl, sloping collarbones, petite build, big eyes and high cheekbones. you smile a little, a tiny sliver of white teeth peeking through your pink lips.

“hey,” you say quietly.

you think you can make it to work after all.

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crayonboy

5 years ago

Miu Miu Prefall 2020.

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crayonboy

4 years ago

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crayonboy

5 years ago

🌙 Questions to ask yourself before you eat it 💫

☄️ Am I going to be happy with myself if I eat this?

☄️ Am I really hungry? Or am I bored?

☄️ Did I plan on eating this food today?

☄️ Will this food nourish my body in a healthy way?

☄️ Will eating this food break my rules?

☄️ Will I have another opportunity to eat the same food another day?

🌟I make sure I ask myself these questions everytime before I eat and if I get one wrong answer I decide not to eat it. This has helped me stop binge eating because it makes me aware of what I’m actually doing. 🌟

Stay safe lovely’s 🤍

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crayonboy

4 years ago

just discovered the shoplifting community

oh my god.

there are a lot of delusional people on tumblr-this is one of the worst cases i’ve seen.

if you are shoplifting for survival; i understand. i apologize for the tough situation you are in.

if you are shoplifting for luxury makeup, cute clothes that only fit you, etc.; you suck. sorry bout it. there are so many employees who are punished for your doings. none of this is cute or brave, it’s disgusting. stop putting others at risk for a couple of earrings from Claire’s and 15 makeup palettes from Ulta.

“cowards; you’re being ripped off by the system, by stores.” uhh last time i checked, exchanging legal tender in exchange for goods is a normal thing that helps companies and is fair to the purchaser??? if you think something is too expensive, don’t buy it :) (of course unless it’s a vital medication, etc.)

oh, i almost forgot to mention~~stealing is ..wait…..illegal! so anti lifters are just ABIDING BY THE ACTUAL LAW (crazy, right????)

i hope ya’ll get arrested.

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crayonboy

4 years ago

Annihilation (2018) Directed By Alex Garland

Annihilation (2018) Directed by Alex Garland

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crayonboy

4 years ago

Hey daddy, I wanna interact with strade at a bar...how do you think that'll go down? Treat me well♡

Oh my sweet little love,,, so good to see!! ♡ Of course I would treat you well, but theres no telling how he would treat you~

He would've come in rather late, looking for another poor soul to pick up for his own amusement. But little could he guess about the sweet little server passing out drinks as he scours the sitting area. You only really catch his eye after you brought him a drink he never ordered, but was nonetheless one of his favorites. Thats when he starts paying attention.

He starts off by complimenting your lovely eyes, how they remind him of a fox. May say his little fox even. Down to your fluffy reddish hair and the way you swivel around tables so smooth and deftly. You would bite back though, not one to let some random man comment on your body in anyway. And that riles him up even more.

You're striking, eye-catching, with the fire in your eyes and the bite in your words. How you seem to know your regulars intimately, addressing some by name and even asking about their personal lives. He's, at the very least, intrigued, maybe even a tad infatuated. Definitely planning on how to steal you away, he'd love to see your fight up close and personal, and 100% directed at him.

So he sticks around. Waits until the bar closes. Hangs out by the door, waiting patiently. Only to see.you leave with your fellow employees. A small group. Okay, so you're smarter than most people. He can admire that. All the sweeter then, when he does finally steal you away.

@creepy-bi-day @syonaravalen @cryptic-writings

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crayonboy

5 years ago

STOP EATING TO MAKE YOUSELF FEEL “GOOD”

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crayonboy

4 years ago

I’m all here for the girls constantly pulling their mirrors out of their designer bag and checking their gloss, reapplying and pouting. The girls who spend forever in the bathroom staring at themselves, playing with their hair. The girls who love wearing falsies 24/7. All that extraness and vanity. I eat it up.

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