FIONA’S GUIDE TO GODS IN THE ELDER SCROLLS (NOT CLICKBAIT)

Time for you to tell me about the Elder scrolls pantheon if you want please! (Or if that's too extensive the part that includes Tiber Septim becoming a deity?)

Okay! I finally had time to write this all out!!!!!

FIONA’S GUIDE TO GODS IN THE ELDER SCROLLS (NOT CLICKBAIT)

The gods in the elder scrolls are an unbelievably confusing mess. Here’s a flowchart.

Okay we’re gonna take this point by point.

Everything that happens in the elder scrolls is a dream. the godhead is the guy who’s dreaming. They’re a completely passive entity and we know literally nothing else about them

At some point at the dawn of existence, two spirits formed. These bitches were called anu, who represented order, and padomay, who represented chaos. They didn’t really have sentience, they just vibed and didn’t do anything

Those bitches then created souls for themselves called anui-el and sithis. I think they got into a fight around this time I don’t exactly remember.

Anui-el and sithis then both individually have birth to themselves(?), giving themselves identity. Anui-el became Auri-el and Sithis became Lorkhan. Now here’s where I’m going to make things complicated: basically every race has different names for the gods, which makes things unbearably confusing. From here on out, I’m going to be referring to Auri-el by Akatosh, because that’s their name in the imperial pantheon, the closest thing to a “standard” in Tamriel. I’m going to continue calling Lorkhan by that name because it’s the one I’m most familiar with, but know that technically Lorkhan is called Shezarr in the imperial pantheon. Also, for the next bullet point, I’m going to be oversimplifying things greatly for the sake of coherency.

With Akatosh came the birth of time, as well as the et’ada, also called Original Spirits, the most powerful of which would go on to become most of the gods of the elder scrolls. Thing is, the original spirits were really, really fucking bored. There wasn’t really all that much to do. At this point, there are two primary conflicting stories of what happened next, and because nothing can ever be fucking simple in the elder scrolls, there’s evidence to support both. Even though they completely conflict.

According to the elves: Lorkhan, who was a sneaky little bitch, went up to the original spirits and was like “heyyyyy besties, so, I know you’re like, super bored. I have this GREAT idea. Why don’t we create a realm of existence? Fuck around a little? Nothing bad will happen to you I prommy ;)” and 9 of the really powerful ones, including Akatosh, were like “okay sounds promising” and went about creating Mundus, which is the plane of existence where all the mortals live and shit (the rest decided to just chill). But as they were creating Mundus the et’ada were like “oh NOOOOOOO our fucking POWERS they’re being DRAINED what the FUCK LORKHAN YOU WHORE” so before Akatosh was completely drained he killed Lorkhan and shot his heart with a bow and arrow into a mountain which then became a volcano called Red Mountain (I promise this is important we’ll come back to it later). Anyways one et’ada in particular I don’t remember his name was like “fuck this” and bailed halfway through and he became the sun and his followers became the stars. The remaining 8 were almost completely drained of power and basically took a nap and became the planets. They are referred to as the Aedra, which literally translates to “our ancestors”. The et’ada who didn’t help with creation, and retained their powers, were called Daedra, which means “not our ancestors”. The remaining, less powerful et’ada who helped with creation ended up becoming the elves, who are perpetually pissed at Lorkhan for robbing them of godhood.

According to most of the races of men: A lot of it is the same, with a big exception: Lorkhan didn’t trick the Aedra. He was completely honest about the whole thing and commended them on “sacrifice for the creation of something wonderful.” So, Lorkhan was just a poor little meow meow who did nothing wrong. The wandering et’ada who helped with creation eventually became the races of men.

So, we have 8 Aedra who are all taking a nap in Mundus, the realm they created. These are the basis for most pantheons in the elder scrolls. Despite the fact that they’re nowhere near as powerful as the Daedra, people generally agree that they were super dope and that they are worthy of mortal worship. They’re the patrons of like, honor and beauty and love and shit. Goody two shoes lookin’ asses. In all honesty I find them kind of boring.

The Daedra tho 😳👀 they’re so dramatic and fucked up ❤️ problematic legends. There are 15 main ones (at this point), called Daedric Princes, and they’re chilling in the realm of Oblivion, where they’ve all made themselves their own mini planes where they like to fuck around.

So, I said 15 at this point. We’ll get to the 16th in a second, but the 17th is a real doozy. That’s because at some point, all of them ganged up on Jyggalag, the prince of Order, because they were scared of how powerful he was. They turned him into Sheogorath, prince of madness, but during the events of Oblivion, the player frees Jyggalag and then later becomes Sheogorath. So, 16 for most of history, 17 after the events of Oblivion when Jyggalag split from Sheogorath.

I could go into Daedra worship but it’s real complicated, so here’s the basics: the khajiit claim that they were elves until Azura made them into catboys. A group of elves called the Chimer were following this bitch named Veloth and worshiped Azura, Mephala, and Boethiah. Another group of elves worshiped a powerful spirit called Trinimac and tried to stop the Chimer, but Boethiah ate Trinimac and shat him out and the elves who followed him became the Orsimer and Trinimac became the Daedric prince Malacath (he’s number 16). Thieves started worshiping Nocturnal because she’s sexy and cool. A cult started worshiping Mehrunes Dagon because they like to be edgy. A few bitches tried to worship Peryite but Peryite don’t care. So on and so forth.

I don’t know WHAT is going on with Y’ffre. He’s a powerful forest spirit and also the reason why the Bosmer are cannibals. I think he was kinda like Trinimac before the vore incident? Anyways that bitch LOVES trees.

Okay here’s. Hm. Okay. So remember how nothing really exists and it’s all a dream? Well, sometimes mortals figure that out. When they do, one of two things happens: either they attempt to rationalize their non-existence and cease to be, or they say “actually I do exist <3 guess again bitch”. The first thing is called zero-summing. It’s probably what happened to the Dwemer, but then again time literally broke when they disappeared so it’s a disaster. The second thing is called Chim, and it’s how mortals ascend to godhood. Basically, if reality is a dream, they become lucid dreamers.

Chim is how the tribunal rose to power. Remember the Chimer from earlier? Well when the Dwemer disappeared, three Chimer also ascended to godhood through a combination of Chim and the, get this, heart of Lorkhan. Remember Lorkhan? I told you he’d come back. They became the Tribunal and took over from Azura, Mephala, and Boethiah, and also cucked and killed some guy. Azura got pissed and cursed them and the Chimer became the Dunmer but that’s not important right now. The Tribunal were absolute fucking disasters ❤️ they only had one brain cell between them but they did a relatively good job of ruling over the Dunmer. But then they got cut off from the heart of Lorkhan because of our next entry, Dagoth Ur.

So good ol’ Dagoth Ur underwent something that I’m calling anti-Chim for the sake of simplicity. Basically, if Chim is becoming a lucid dreamer, anti-Chim is being convinced that you ARE the dreamer. It’s very confusing but basically Dagoth thought he was the godhead so hard that he actually got god powers. Then he died and so did the tribunal lol

The numidium is a god that the Dwemer attempted to create using the heart of Lorkhan among other things (everyone say thank you kagrenac you crusty old bitch). Every time it gets activated, time literally shatters in something called a dragon break. The whole numidium thing is a MESS and I’m just giving you the bare bones

Tiber Septim time. Tiber Septim is just some guy who managed to unite the continent of Tamriel under the Empire. He did this through a whole lot of manipulation and abuse of power, including the time he literally fucking activated the numidium, breaking time AGAIN, just to conquer the Summerset Isles. When he died, he ascended into godhood as Talos. We just kind of assume he achieved Chim? It’s the only thing that really makes sense. Anyways the races of men worship the hell out of him and lump him in with the Aedra, even though he decidedly isn’t one. The elves get very pissy over him being a god because most of them have an INSANE superiority complex.

The night mother is who the dark brotherhood worship, along with Sithis. They’re fucking idiots, because Sithis no longer exists and the night mother is literally just Mephala. Everyone please point and laugh at the dark brotherhood. They’re pathetic.

here’s some fun fiona facts:

Mephala, Boethiah, and Azura are Gaslight, Gatekeep, and Girlboss respectively

Vivec has daddy issues and has decided to make that everyone else’s problem

The thalmor might be trying to destroy Mundus so they can be gods again, because they’re unbearably stupid

Malacath is a poor little meow meow

Molag Bal is the Joker but worse

Every single daedric prince has something deeply wrong with them <3

Vivec has had A LOT of gay sex

Akatosh’s oldest son is Alduin, who is also an aspect of Akatosh. It doesn’t make any goddamn sense

Please mock the dark brotherhood. They deserve it

In conclusion: