Crowpickles - Crowpickles

thinking deeply about the hc of Tiny Tim (tm, not a markiplier reference wdym) wearing really shitty disguises while he stalks the batfam. read about it once in a fic and it just has been fermenting in my mind for a while ever since

like me personally, i like to imagine him with a shitty blonde wig, some sort of colored eye contacts, and some random clothes he got from goodwill. he absolutely has specifically thrifted a bunch of clothes specifically for this purpose as well, because his paranoia started young and he wanted to make for damn sure he wouldn't be recognizable if he got caught. he also definitely tried to do makeup as well but even he knew it was too shitty to wear out.

i also like to imagine him like going to a random gas station or something because like what would the workers even say to that???

for example:

tim: *goes up to the register at 7/11 with a dozen redbulls and some snacks in his full disguise*

employee, confused: ? are you a cosplayer??

tim: what? no this is how i look??

employee, more confused but too tired to really question why this costumed 7 y/o is buying enough energy drinks to kill an elephant at 11 pm on a school night: ......alright that'll be $31.73

Not now kitten daddy's googling his symptoms

Bruce: Alright, Chum, seen as your twenty one you can have a drink too.

Dick: awww, babies first shot!

Bruce: he won’t be doing shots for his first drink-

Tim, down three shots consecutively with a straight face:

Bruce:

Dick:

Alfred:

Damian:

Jason:

Batcow:

Tim: ooo it’s burns, anyway-

things jon missed while stalking his colleagues:

the fact that sasha had been half lined up for gertrude's job and how that would be a pretty good murder motive

the discrepancy between elias's hiring in 1991 and how he said he was working as a filing clerk in 1972

tim's brother's mysterious disappearance/death directly preceding his change in careers

martin's real age and literally any of his academic or employment history

conclusion: he's bad at this <3

You’re a regular office worker born with the ability to “see” how dangerous a person is with a number scale of 1-10 above their heads. A toddler would be a 1, while a skilled soldier with a firearm may score a 7. Today, you notice the reserved new guy at the office measures a 10.

As suggested on discord

give battinson a robin and have it be stephanie brown

Dick was the last to be adopted, Jason became the black sheep post-resurrection, Tim made himself Robin, Damian was dropped in Gotham after ten years of being kept secret, Cass possesses killer instincts that run counter to Batman's philosophy, Duke is a meta whose parents are still alive (albeit jokerized), and Steph has zero legal connections to the Waynes. All of the batkids have reason to believe they're the only one Bruce doesn't want around and Bruce is unaware of the problem because they don't vocalize it not just out of the usual emotional constipation, but also a deep-seated fear of being proven right. In this essay, I will—

Diversity win! The horniest person you know is on the asexual spectrum