Crystalbrain-tenfold Gate NFT 1/1
crystalbrain-tenfold gate NFT 1/1
this is "tenfold gate". send ur 0.034 ETHs here:
ok, so what i'm about to tell u is…imagine a monster with ten assholes. now, u can imagine that this picture is liek a representation of a ten assholed monster. but the thing is, the monster is actually fact-as-a-fucking-day also a representation of something else which is not a ten assholed monster. do u see where i'm coming from? leik imagine if for every finger u had, there was one asshole, and u were grabbing this monster with both hands to try to fight with it. wouldn't that be sumthin? i think so, that's why i made this picture. fun fact: a ten assholed monster can be gangbanged by ten people, did u know that or did i have to just spell it out for u?
now this doesn't look liek a ten assholed monster, but lots of things don't look liek what they are. liek did u know that a shot-glass full of gasoleen is not whiskey? i knew that, which is why when my crack dealer i didn't pay tried to give me one, i totally turned him down. i just sort of knew "hey this smells liek gasoleen, i better not drink this". this has absolutely nothing to do with anything, or did u not realize that? i guess u could put ten gas pumps up ten assholes and totally fill em up but then u might get a big fountain of gas all over ur new armani suit u bought with ethereum from some colombian guy.
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crystalbrain-zeitgeistxii
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ok. alrite…we have a sundial here i guess, but its a really fuckin abstract sundial, with a bunch of roman letters liek a clock i guess typed above it. it even says fucking "sundial" on it. hey u know what my favorite time is? when i get to eat food, or maybe when i punch myself in the face with a roll of quarters. u know why i do that? because a fist + money = -money - fist so its like not punching yourself at all and losing money. but this is bullshit because u still punched yourself and u have ur roll of quarters still.
time is a delicate subject 4 me, yes. i have always treaded on the topic of time with due caution, as it is definitely not something to mess with. time deserves respect! time is our friend! but did u know that time is just being split into three categories, the past, present, and future i guess. do i care or even understand such things? i do not, because i smoked so many drugs that i decided it wasn't worth thinking about anymore. did u know that time is a really complex thing, liek something that there's many views upon and scientific understandings of, and that its really hard to explain here because i'm limited by my crystalbrain 2 only 4 dimensions, but time is one of them, and time is on my side, yes.
people don't really get time, its a beautiful, beautiful thing that can be divided up however u want probably, but i wouldn't mess with it because its probably power itself or soemthing.
crystalbrain-penguin of four wheels NFT 1/1
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ok, so i'm going to tell u somethin secret about these circucular things: there's four of em. why four? i heard people in some countries that don't speak english don't liek the number 4, but they have NOTHING to worry about here. as can be seen, these four circucular things are very clear-as-a-fuckin-day, absolutely, totally frozen. which might mean their action is impeded? it is a mystery too great for stupid minds like mine to verifify this perhaps fact, so i will be content to say:
in ur brain there's like an upper part i heard that has liek, words, and shit in it. and then there's a littler animal part down below that wordy shit part of your brain, and its liek: ok, maybe the wordy shit part of the brain has a half, and the animal part of the brain has a half on each side, so there's like four circles. NOW WHAT IF U FROZE THOSE CIRCLES? ok, that is the possibly kind of not really smart thing about this, liek those parts o' the brain could fight and be mean to each other liek kids on a school bus with a cracksmoking bus driver, but if u took those kids out and froze them in 0 degree fahrenheit weather, they wouldn't do shit. they'd just be frozen, liek these circles which are getting along just fine because they ain't doing shit.
so just remember my wisdoms: if u want shit to get along, freeze it…liek i guess if someone attacks u, u can lock him in your freezer and he'd not be able to attack u. which is supposedly fine if its self-defense. but when u got circles, freeze 'em, they'll get along i think.
now, as for the penguin, what's the penguin's job? it's bein' right in the center, and freezing the assholes off of these circles, that's what.
crystalbrain-kaleidospiral sun tunnel NFT 1/1
ok, sometimes if u see a light at the end of a spiral, u don't know if the spiral is a womb or an asshole. maybe its both??? but at least u see the light, like you're wonderfully in the light totally freaking out liek "holy shit, there's some light wtf am i gonna do" and i don't really have an answer for that. u could just have a sandwich instead i guess. there's no need to go toward the light, didn't u learn anything from really shitty medical shows? or maybe u want to go to the light, maybe its nice and warm but personally i'm afraid of light because…..fire man, fire.
but birth! yes, ur born and the light is kind of liek, ok. gimmie my womb back, so ur tryin' to get back to the darkness but the light is tryin' to take u too, and this whole life its liek "AAHHHHH LIGHT GET ME BACK 2 THE WOMB MAN!" but is this smart? i don't know how to tell because i smoke my thoughts liek crack rocks in my neurons. its a losing game to think about the light; why not look at the cool patterns and shit? they're spiral, and squarish, and kind of magenta-pinkish; it's more of a winning proposition i guess, liek when u try to get a hooker and they say yes and u give her liek some money for sex or something.
gettin back to that light though; oh man, i dunno what i'd do about that, i'd prolly try to fly around liek some disembodied dude and possess some guy liek an evil spirit. maybe i'd find my body in an alternate reality and be liek "hey i'm taking this" and commandandeer it leik a fucking helicopter. yes. that is what i would do if i were forced to choose in this situation. then i'd just be chilling with my alternate reality body liek "look at me, i'm alive still, hahaha death fuck you"
crystalbrain-dan quayle, savior of democracy 1/1 NFT on opensea
say what u want about dan quayle, he didn't get shot by jim jones and he didn't smoke our crack cocaine either. yeah, this guy believed our bullshit. i mean, he would be liek "no, no i don't want to cheat on my wife" but reagan and bush and I would insist, saying stuff like "well, this cock ain't gonna suck itself" 2 him and i guess he'd reluctantly comply. he was a real boy scout, and belieeve me, teh boy scouts are no strangers 2 sodomy. but this guy, we couldn't believe it, after bush would pull his dick out of his ass quayle would feel guilty about cheating on his wife, so we mostly kinda kept him away from teh dark shit we were doin', liek filling heaven with crack cocaine. yeah, he was a real moral kinda guy but he wanted that power, u know, 2 be a great leader and all that…fuck that, we were just about the money, crack cocaine, and hardcore, man-on-man anal sex.
but it turns out dat this guy coulda saved the illusion of democracy in america. yeah, i know, what the fuck are you talking about? i mean we ran the show with our three letter agencies, but this guy wanted ppl 2 be elected fair and square, so when that ass-clown donald trump had his brigade of neckbeard horse-porn masturbators march on teh capitol, vice president mike pence was supposed officially say that teh president was joe biden, and donald trump was reeeeally gonna throw him under the bus for that shit, becuz even tho it was teh democrats turn to unfuck things up that we'd fucked up, quayle was at teh certification during teh capitol riot and told mike pence 2 suck it up and say that joe biden was president.
so this guy, this fuckin boy scout, is one of the reasons u don't have trump as a dick-tater. so u have to give him credit for that.
crystalbrain-crown prince mohammed bin salman in the cannabyss 1/1 NFT on opensea
ok, so this crown prince guy is similar to liek some dude in the west who got too involved in reading stupid satanic books and thinks he's some machivellian nietzschean superman but he can't match my powers cuz i destroyed heaven and hell and its all my show man. this guy smokes way too much pot, liek i shouldn't talk becuz half of my time is spent hitting teh crack rock but this dude thinks he's so fuckin edgy because he smokes so much weed. i was liek, "dude, ur teh crown prince, u need to smoke crack liek all teh other world leaders" and he just was liek "huh?" becuz he was so stoned. and i was liek "dude, ur not cool enough yet, here, hit this rock" and he got so cracked up and he was all paranoid from teh weed and coke mixing together and decided to attack yemen…and then he tried to think he was the ultimate edgelord becuz he'd smoked teh crack and he talked about his political manoovering and i'm liek "ok, we get it, ur an asshole, we all are dude, get over it"
i'm not sure what to think of this guy, he needs to grow teh fuck up and worship me, becuz i'm his interdimensional crack dealer who has liek a limitless supply of crack and a huge dong, and he's liek sitting on motherfucking mammoth amounts of oil so i know he can fuckin buy some from me. but then he won't pass teh pipe when u smoke with him, he tries to power trip and starts showing off by liek having a journalist executed blatantly and i'm liek "dude, u r such a fuckin dumbass, real men smoke crack, put that marijuana shit away, its makin u paranoid".
now teh thing about crack cocaine is that smokin a lot of it maeks u reallly paranoid but this guy just talks about how i'm his nietzschean superman when i fuck him in teh ass, as liek an excuse for his homosexuality that he barely conceals with his edgelord wars in yemen and syria. what a fuckin douche, i really hate this guy; i hope his ancestors come to him in a dream and castrate him and he wakes up with no balls, becuz it wouldn't make much difference, this guy already has no balls; he's just givin commands. he doesn't even liek bdsm himself, he just lieks a vanilla assfucking and that's just boring these days, i can't get these dictators to do anything original, it's all "oh, i'll tell my guys to go get these people" and then they give 'em liek a few blowjobs and a few envelopes of cash and boooooom they think they're so cool.
dickhead.
crystalbrain-kim jong un toilet 1/1 NFT on opensea
ok. so i was in kim jong un's meth lab he uses to ship shit to the yakuza and dennis rodman shows up with like this military garb and he's liek asking kim jong un how he looks and shit. and i'm like, dude, ur in teh wrong place, ur out of ur league, if u get any farther into this shit even van damme isn't going 2 come save u from the can of stalinist whoop-ass that kim jong un is gonna unleash on u. anyways dennis rodman looks liek i hurt his feelings and so i fuckin get give him this bump of 100% pure crystal and he brightens up liek a christmas tree. anyways, i just sort of let him show all these basketball moves that kim jong un's generals pretend 2 be interested in, and then after kim jong un smokes a chunk of ice he's liek ranting and raving about how he's gonna send another bomb flying over japan……into the ocean, just to fuck with them. and he laughs and he gives me this look liek i'm expected to laugh, so i'm pretending to laugh and i can hear the basketball in the other room…it was some serious shit, man.
anyways i ask for some food and he's liek "hell naw, i gave u some meth u don't need 2 eat" liek i'm some kinda dude who just because he's just smoked meth in north korea with kim jong un doesn't need 2 eat. wtf man, i'm liek trying to think of a way 2 get out of there and i'm pissed so i used my telepathetic mind powers and take over kim jong un's mind. then i instruct him 2 put his head in teh toilet and i give him a swirly. his head is all wet and shit and i liek take his pants off and there's leik some serious gay sex going on when dennis rodman comes in teh room with his rod out and i'm liek "dude, can't u see i'm givin the old swirly screw to kim jong un" and he's liek "ok, ok whatever". anyways kim jong un drowned in teh toilet so that was a nuclear crisis averted but the yakuza were pissed becuz they didn't get their meth shipments. however one of kim jong un's body doubles just fuckin started pretendin' 2 be the dear leader again, and i'm liek, "fuck. my work is wasted." but i think this guy doesn't have what it takes 2 be kim jong un becuz he's not a preening sociopath and i think this woman who runs the secret police wants 2 kill him already. we'll see how it goes. anyways i have 2 swim across a river to get 2 china but since i have superpowers it was easy. i even caught a bullet in my teeth and spit it back at a border guard and he flew all the way from china 2 seoul, south korea and all the south koreans were liek "wtf is this dead dude doing here"?
anyways i get into china and i'm liek trying 2 diffuse military tensions between the US and china now, so wish me luck.
this is "interchange". send ur ETHs here:
ok, this is some serious green shit wafting over some kind of fucking thing. i will not tell what that thing is, i refuse to do it, u can't make me; its privileleged information for me to hide from u. well not really since u can see it i guess. ok, i'll tell, it's a bunch of purple, black, and red stuff. are u happy? well maybe i lied, did u think of that mr. smartygokartypants? i could have totally just lied to u, like u could be colorblind and never know that i told a big fat lie and u would be the dunce in this situation for once and not me, who is always a dunce.
the green smoke reminds a little of "i dream of jeeeeenie" or whatever that show with the blonde woman with superduper powers actually was in the 1860s or 1960s or whatever. i only saw it on dick at night or dick van dyke at night or oh yeah nick at nite, that's what it was called which was tv for older people in my brain. the name of this is interchange i guess it looks like something changing to some ppl. please forgive me, i am stupid, give me a fuckin break already.
crystalbrain-george dubya bush commemoration NFT 1/1 opensea.io
ok, so liek when it comes 2 cocaine, i think he kind of wussed out. yeah y'all probably heard the rumors that he'd do it and believe me there was a time or two when he'd snort it off of my gay ass crack, but really george dubya bush was more about the man on man anal sex and fellatio. he was kind of a partier and man he'd totally have all kinds of women pretendin 2 laugh at his jokes after he drank some beer or some shit, but he just could not get into the hardcore crack cocaine smokin' lifestyle that me and reagan and his dad were into. we'd microwave up an ounce into a bunch of rocks and he'd be liek "naahhh, do you got any powder left in teh bag", and then we'd make fun of him, liek i'd get up behind him and pull his pants down and we'd laugh at the size of his penis, which was kinda small. and don't get me started on saddam, when i'd be whipping saddam in my batman suit he'd be liek "omg u gotta do that to me" and i'd be thinking "this guy is such a bottom". anyways one time i was peeing on his face and i noticed that he'd actually left some blow on the table; liek he didn't even do cocaine even though it was there, which breaks the first rule of ruling this world, which is that u have 2 do as much cocaine as possible.
and don't get me started on this "compassionate conservatism" bullshit, we warned him that we gotta be ruthless, liek i'm talking full on "drop a bomb into your motherfucking house when your kids are home", machine gunnin motherfuckers with depleted uranium, cocaine smuggling, full on roman-style torturing shit is par for the course, u can't maek those motherfuckers think u REALLY believe in good and evil. its liek this guy knew he was bullshittin' but he still pretended liek he was a good person. liek, hello? no dude, do ur cocaine, execute ur criminals and shut the fuck up. he even called out saddam hussein 4 gassing his own people. liek ok dude, who is he gonna gas, himself? that shit's just whack. this guy i never lieked, he was just sooooo confused. liek he actually believed in morals or something secretly and he was just tryin 2 be a psychopath bcuz his mother had weak genes she gave him or some shit. what the fuck is wrong with u dubya? were u just in it for the gay sex and NOT teh drugs? i'd hate to think that about u but then again i never lieked u anyways.
crystalbrain-skull illusion NFT 1/1
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ok, so i don't know what to say about this except that it's cut up. crystalbrain confused. is crystalbrain in the skull? it could bee baaaaad, becuz the skull is being split! by what? maybe the indigo aura of new age bullshit wafting onto the scene like some patchooooooli and incense; crystalbrain hates that smell as its communicated to its crystalbrain. there is (plaguing the eyes) some darknessness, its not too much i guess but its split up like everything else; its some weird shit yo, i don't know what to say.
speaking of shit the encroaching horseshit is just beyond the darknesses i guess, all split up into sizable edible chunks of shit to woof down like when you're grazing on cheerios in the night (or maybe the day since the encroaching bullshit is beyond the darkness). there's "just grass" i guess; and i don't mean cannabis like some couchlocking thing where u always end up watching shitty tv in your teenage years in some loser's basement; at least that could be what it is for dudes in the 2000s.
maybe the desertification is of something outside the self, like the fucking land i guess? i don't know, i don't know about the environment, it's all greek, latin, sanskrit, and mandarinian to me. there is the desire to reproduce, and when u look at this art crystalbrain has reproduced it into your eyesockets like a moneyshot i guess. and this is what crystalbrain has to say about this image. the water grass is self explanatory, or rather will not be explained.
crystalbrain-reagan of death NFT on opensea.io
ok, so liek the 1980s had this dude named reagan, my crack cocaine smokin buddy. and when we smoked crack, it was because we had an infinite supply of something called MONEY. yes, god himself gave us shitloads of cash, handing it out of a TV liek some kind of ghoul. so anyways, this NFT is a tribute to a few different things from teh 80s: JAPANESE appliances, RICH PEOPLE with money, CRACK COCAINE, and teh DEVIL. yes, there were many people afraid of teh devil so i added a little inverted pentagram liek from teh forehead of some baphomet drawn by eliphas levi or some shit, but there is a TEN HEADED REAGAN who is sodomizing himself with money, but you can't really tell from the image. yes, reagan would get into god's secret stash of cash with oral roberts and teh devil, and we'd roll around frollicking burning 100 dollar bills and smoking huge amounts of rock cocaine. yes, i said oral roberts, and he knew ALL ALONG that god wasn't going to kill him if he didn't raise $1 million, but he just wants some money to add 2 the pile so he could smoke ridiculous amounts of CRACK with us. it was truly a great time to be a rich guy being groomed by dudes spouting greek philosophy, bcuz they would give u piles of crack cocaine and cash to ur 10 year old ass or whatever, it was such a great, great tiem in history, installed so many dictators in third world countries, yes.
now as i was laying on a pile of cash being fellated by unspeakable demons i decided 2 play famicom (which is teh japanese nintendo, yes) on a special tv with a famicom on it, but then TEH DEVIL possesses teh TV just to mess with me, and then reagan gets up and fucks teh TV in the ass to create an alternate dimensional version of me, and we try to beat each other at a game called urban champion which is a fighting game that SUCKED bcuz street fighter II was still years away. but anyways, it was quite a trip…while we were rolling around in that pile of cash we got so much cocaine and devil sperm on dollar bills, which is why u will notice that dollar bills from the 1980s smelled liek COCAINE and SEMEN. i am beside myself with laughter, it was a great trip being teh personal fucktoy of the world's leaders, with oral roberts, pat robertson and the pope taking turns on my ass while various republican politicians and donald trump got teh other end.
anyways, this television is a tribute to REAGAN, CRACK, MONEY, AND POWER!!
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crystalbrain is deadly serious about being contemptibly stupid and also making digital art.
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