The Pain In The Rain

Summary: After a difficult case, both you and Spencer return home. The reality of the case sets in and its Spencer's job to comfort you.

Warnings: Mentions of death and gore, referenced to sexual assault, anxiety, panic attacks, trauma but Reid fluff at the end

Spencer Reid x BAU!reader

Every aspect of this case had gotten to you. A man was going round kidnapping and sexually assaulting girls on their 21st birthdays. The pure evil of this man threw you back to the tragedy of your childhood with the horror of your stepfather.

The second you stepped of the jet, Spencer watched your shoulders slump in defeat and your brain flew 100 mph. He knew this had gotten to you from the moment the team arrived at the scene, you were so angry and determined to find this guy. It didn't take a profiler to see the guilt you carried for not saving the final girl and the tears that threatened to spill from your eyes at the debrief on the jet.

The long jet ride was followed by a short car ride as Spencer drove you both back to your shared apartment. Neither of you said a word, you couldn't bring yourself to speak in fear that your voice would tremble with the emotions you were keeping in and Spencer just couldn't find the words to say to you. Spencer got the bags from the car as you climbed up to the apartment and once through the door, kicked your shoes off with such force that they hit the wall with a dull thud. Every emotion was working its way to the forefront of your mind as you replayed the whole events of the case. The images of the way those girls has been defiled flung you back to the feeling of his hands on you, the dirty feeling he left on your skin. Your breathing picked up as your eyes flew around the room seeing something that wasn't there. The panic rose in your chest as the tears you held pushed from your eyes and slid down your cheeks. You felt like you couldn't breath, you began tugging at the collar of your shirt in an attempt to provide your lungs with more oxygen. For you, the apartment has been replaced by the scene of your stolen innocence. It felt like you were trapped in your mind, replaying the events over and over with no relief. It felt like drowning in the pent up emotions that formed an ocean in your mind and no one was coming to save you. But there was someone.

Spencer walked through the door and immediately knew something was wrong. He already knew but the sight of you shoes discarded was so abnormal that he dropped the bags and half sprinted to find you. When he found you, you were stood in the living room, eyes flicking everywhere, never focusing and he knew you weren't seeing what he was. Your chest rose and fell so quick that he felt that there was not enough oxygen in the room to satisfy your panicked body. Spencer rushed to your body, bending down to meet your eyes but found they weren't really looking at him. As he spoke, Spencer shook you slightly, trying to break you from the panic the embraced your mind but to no success.

All of a sudden you became aware of someone touching you and a male voice speaking to you. Logic and reason had left the moment you stepped through that door. So, in your panicked state, you did the only thing your brain and body could manage. You ran.

Out of Spencer's loving touch, out of the apartment, out of the building, down onto the street. The rain above poured over you, drenching you in seconds but you hardly noticed. Your legs carried you for 3 blocks before the disorientation kicked in and forced you to stop. Breath still heavy, you stood in the rain and tried to harness your brain. The feeling of rain pattering on your ocean calmed you slightly but the panic remained. A voice carried through the melancholy rain. His voice. Not the one that scares you and forces you to hide like a child, it was the voice that coaxes you from that dark place and sounds like early mornings in the summer.

Spencer had sprinted after you, not caring about the stares he got from strangers at his lack of appropriate attire for the current weather. He chased after you for 3 blocks until he found you stood in the rain, just stood. It shattered his heart to see you so broken but he knew you needed him. Calling your name, he walked closer. Your panic began to subside as he neared, his presence calming you. Once in arms reach, he gathered you into his arms and held on like he would never let go. You broken in his hold. Your knees give out and the only thing keeping you from the ground is his arms. The tears returned but this time they weren't panicked ones, they were tears of sadness and relief. Sad that everything happened and relieved that you're safe with Spencer.

The two of you stood there for what felt like an eternity, getting soaked through by the rain and embracing one another. His hand stroked your hair as you held his shirt in fists. The comfort encircled you as the tears stopped and all the negative emotions were washed away with the rain and his touch.

For once in your life you came to the realisation that even if you were drowning in this ocean, Spencer is your lifeguard and would jump in to save you from the waves trying to pull you under. He was your lighthouse in the storm of you mind as the waters threatened to drown you. Spencer Reid was keeping you afloat. And he always would.