Self-affirmation, Uh, Finds A Way

I've been needing to read something like this. This made me so hopeful.

Hey, allo anon with an ace partner here. I wanted to say thank you so much for the well wishes! I figured I would send this in here again, so anyone else who is curious about what this experience looks like from the other side can see it.

My girlfriend came out to me a little over 2 years into our relationship. At the time it surprised me a lot, because she'd never given me any signs that she wasn't enjoying what we were doing. After we talked more I understood that she wasn't repulsed by sex and she didn't hate it, but she didn't really love it either and wanted to stop doing it for a while (so a sex-neutral ace).

Honestly, at the time, I did get anxious about it. Not just because of social conventions, but because I had viewed sex as an important bonding part of our relationship. I don't do well with change, and I was super worried about how a lack of sex would change our dynamic. I also had some insecurities about my own body, and my girlfriend admitting that she didn't see me as sexy was upsetting. But after speaking to my therapist, I realized that I was projecting my own issues on to the relationship. So I spoke with her again, and she reassured me that she wanted to be with me, and that she was confiding these feelings because she trusted me. She likes how I look, she just doesn't have the same sexual impulses I do.

So, I realized this was pretty much like cuddling. I love physical touch a lot, and I want to cuddle for a much longer time than she does. I like it when someone lies on top of me. She doesn't want me on top of her chest during cuddling. She still cuddles with me, but she tells me when she's satisfied, and we stop.

A few months went by, and I noticed that she wasn't spending any less time with me; she was actually spending more. We would still call every evening when we didn't meet up in person, we would still joke around, and she still told me she loved me and did everything she could to show it to me. We also began trying out new stuff together, and playing games and watching stuff more often. We also still had plenty of physical intimacy with things like cuddling and kissing, which made me really happy.

I realized that I didn't feel like anything was missing from the relationship. I just needed her to show and tell me she loved me in the ways she normally did. Sure, I am still attracted to her that way, but it wasn't something that would make or break the relationship.

It's been years since she came out, and at this point, I never expect anything sexual. It happens rarely, and I always check in with her multiple times before and during. We stop at any point she tells me. There are quite a few hard boundaries about what is and isn't off limits, and I always keep them in mind. I would rather satisfy myself forever than make her uncomfortable, and she knows it.

It's been over 5 years and we are still going strong. I am hoping to ask her to marry me in the next few years, because honestly, I can't picture wanting anyone else by my side. She is kind, funny, beautiful, intelligent, and treats me well. I could never ask for anything more from a partner.

Thank you SO MUCH for sharing. I myself definitely lack knowledge of what it feels like from an allo's perspective, so this was very educational for me, but beyond that... You have no idea how much hope this gives me.

From you being aware of how much sex meant to you in the context of your relationship and still being fine without it, to just... Heck, even your therapist for not blaming her for the situation. Therapy is still very much, in my country at least, an area where the absence or lower levels of sexual attraction will be hastily labelled as something wrong physically or mentally, so... Yeah, the amount of relief I felt reading that, you have no idea. And I can only imagine how much your partner appreciates it too.

Honestly I teared up a bit reading this - I sincerely wish you guys all the best and I hope you have a bright future ahead! (Also fun fact, seems you guys have been together as long as my partner and I have, it's nice to be able to relate to that too hehe^^)

a pple

It sure boots!

Eh, the prompt was kinda meh, so i went experimental, its been a while since I made a collage like this, it was fun.

So, I decided... to make a Plushie

On the discord I'm on, tons of people where sharing their plushie collections, and here I was, with no project on my hand (except for like, 30 other projects on hold) and decided, out of nowhere... to make one for myself! I mean... how hard can it be???

I know how to sew. i sewed tons of holes in socks or button in shirts, that's probably enough, right? And what is a plushie but a soft papercraft??? this is gonna be so easyyyyy!!!! Anyway, i've been keeping a record, and I'm gonna show the steps I'm taking to make it, in case someone else decides to follow my lead, or so you can chuckle at my failure! Anyway, welcome to:

DasK's Folly!

Step 1 | Step 2

she tries her best, dont be too mad if she brings you the wrong order

Rotoscopy is truly the lowest form of art. Here’s Mosfet, my Twilight Domain Cleric, and he is here to chew bubblegum, talk about theology and prove that he is not a weak tiny lizard, and he already ate the bubblegum because he didn’t know you are supposed to chew it and not eat it like a candy!!!!

~The Blood Moon~

I’ve been drawing wizards, and this has been my little after-work-cooldown-animation!

#pokemon

Pokemon Mystery Dungeon has my heart and soul ngl

what if unicorns were the size of cats?

and they just… lived with us, in our homes?

This is Team The Agency, my "official" team from PSMD, with Alexander the Serperior (pc) and Rita the Lucario (partner).

Both models by Jav Papercraft (Serperior - Lucario)

Alexander the Serperior (human) - Harmony Scarf Serperior is one of my fave pokes ever, the model ended up looking okay, but I'll probably re do it one of this days, it is hella easy, as is mostly tubes, but the union between the head and the rest of the body can be very complicated if you don't prepare for it, like I didn't ¬¬

Rita the Lucario (Partner) - Harmony Scarf Ok, I never liked riolu/lucario, but PSMD selected it as a partner, and as I was expecting to restart the game after I get the hang of it, I said sure, but I ended up loving riolu with super's partner personality, so yea, I kept her and now I like lucario, grog damn it ¬¬

Lore: Alexander is very reserved, aloof and calculating, and Rita is the one moving the thing along. The team name of how Alexander wanted to run the team in a very organized way. After the ending of PSMD and the completion of the world map (that in my mind its a rough whole world map), they left the Society and formed "The Cartography and Mapping Agency" to work making more precise maps of regions or town/cities. While Rita was the official head of the agency, she was mostly out on adventures and was managed by Alexander that retired to run the place and train the rest the recruits, and after a while, rise their child.