There Is A Long Time Since The Last Time I Did Anything Recklessly. Since I Can Remember I Have Something,
There is a long time since the last time I did anything recklessly. Since I can remember I have something, some problem, some idea, anything that I might have to deal with, occupying my mind and taking me from the things I like to do. Hobbies, I mean.
However, lately, thanks to quarantine, I've been able to do this things. I've been watching many movies, which might seem normal but I didn't used to do as much since I was too worried about getting enough sleep, working out, going to college, getting my driver's license and all of those ordinary things. I have, also, started to read a book or two, didn't finish any - you see, reading on the internet era is a little bit complicated. I've been definitely taking better care of myself. My self-esteem, my health, my relation with my family.
I found myself to be so deeply immerse on my daily life problems that I forgot how to be a living been, I was so worried about being "healthy", getting good grades this semester and doing my best to eventually have a future that I forgot about the present.
This quarantine has been - at least for myself - quite good. I've been more self conscious, could realize how I was without knowing suffering from an ED, could realize how my mom can be here now but since she is older might not be in here for much longer (let's give some 25years), could realize how your plans for the future might not happen and how you should find a way to enjoy what you have and what you can for sure have. I don't know, even if everything changes somehow, even if my plans of 6 months ago don't happen, I know, today, that I can adapt, I can change the course of my life and always be a new and better me. All I need to do is stop and look at myself.
Long time no see
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Many things give me reasons but almost not brings me energy to do so.
Night in Edinburgh.
I wish I believe in there with my heart
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Hard to consider a certain level of personal growth and improvement when you can't get over something simple as an affair. We do everything so fast, we get to know each other, we send everyday text messages, we fall in love, kiss, have fights, get apart, get back together, get apart again and one day end up not talking to each other ever again. However we miss each other, whisper a name, a word, a feeling, but we are too proud to send a message, to proud to say how much we miss each other and then we let it die but it is never actually dead, somewhere inside you can still feel it and some times you wonder about how could it be if it ever worked out.
You will never know because you don't want to try to go after the person, you don't want to risk yourself, to hear a 'no', to get a cold message, you don't want to hurt yourself and your memories, you rather let it be the way it is.
"It is better this way."
But it is not. It is just safer. You don't want to be rejected by that person you care so much about. That person you have so many warm dreams about and get lost on thoughts imagining a perfect life together. You don't wanna risk all of that.
You just let it die.
There’s some little aspects about myself that I am not quite sure about how they are configured. Are they a trace of being what is medically called ‘’being crazy’’ or are they just what we should all call ‘’having a different brain function’’?
It is so hard to talk to people about it because I guess society is still working on the top of older parameters of judging and thinking. On my point of view, maybe we are all this time calling people “weird”, “crazy” or “mental” but in the end they are just bright and manage to see things on a different way.
Think about how many myths around the functionality of our brain we are currently still spreading. For example, we don`t use only 10% of the brain, we also don’t have any evidence of the existence of right-brained or left-brained people.
My point is: We are probably excluding some people from society based on how their thinking process is when they are probably very useful and might be able to do and see what is missing on this world.
“She was brave, my Mara.”
//
I like art, I like paintings, drawings, texts, or any type of creational exposure. It makes me feel good, it makes everything easier to me. And, even though most people during all my life said that it would never be enough for me to survive, today, I honestly advise anyone to go after it. Do you like writing? Are you happy making animations? Painting? Dancing? DO IT! Go after it, because working on a 9-5 job will either make you happy or give you money. Not anymore, not on this world. So, if you are supposed to struggle with bills, might as well do it while being happy.
work in progress /some art /venting out /writer at random opp / “My soul is the mirror of the universe, and my body is its frame.”-Voltaire;
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