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hello

hi. nirvana is cool. i like worms on a string. play welcome to wormtown when it comes out. its gonna be a fire game.

More Posts from Dirtbagattack and Others

2 months ago

this made me giggle especially the hawks and aizawa ones

MHA Characters Getting "The Talk"

Warning: awkwardness ahead. This is pure stupid crack.

MHA Characters Getting "The Talk"

Inspired by a JJK version of this on tiktok by @ matt_the_curtin

How do the guys react to recieving 'the talk'

Featuring: Izuku Midoriya, Toshinori Yagi (All Might), Katsuki Bakugo, Best Jeanist, Fumikage Tokoyami, Keigo Takami (Hawks), Tamaki Amajiki, Fatgum, Tomura Shigaraki, Toya Todoroki (Dabi), Hitoshi Shinso, Shota Aizawa (Eraserhead), Shoto Todoroki, Enji Todoroki (Endeavor)

Izuku Midoriya – Getting "The Talk" from Toshinori Yagi (All Might)

Toshinori Yagi sat across from Izuku Midoriya, looking extremely uncomfortable as he clasped his hands together. Sweat dripped down his face as he tried to find the right words.

"Y-Young Midoriya," he coughed. "I… uh… I feel that, as your mentor, it's my duty to, er, educate you on… certain aspects of life."

Izuku blinked. "Oh! Like hero strategy? The importance of recovery time after a big battle?"

"No." Toshinori's face paled. "I-I mean… relationships. Love. And… physical intimacy."

Izuku turned bright red. "OH GOD."

"YES, EXACTLY!" Toshinori shouted, dramatically pointing at him. "GOD HELP US BOTH!"

There was an awkward silence.

Toshinori cleared his throat. "Ahem. So. When two people care for each other very much—"

"PLEASE STOP."

Toshinori held up a shaky finger. "No, no, listen, Young Midoriya. I must do this! It is my responsibility!" He inhaled deeply. "It is much like a United States of Smash—except instead of destroying an enemy, you are—"

"OH MY GOD, PLEASE NO!" Izuku covered his ears, mortified. "DON’T RUIN SMASH ATTACKS FOR ME, SENSEI!"

Toshinori’s gaunt cheeks turned red. "S-sorry."

They sat in silence for a moment.

"...Do you have any questions?" Toshinori finally asked.

Izuku stood up. "I HAVE TO GO STUDY FOR A TEST!"

"But there’s no test!"

"THERE IS NOW!"

And with that, Midoriya ran.

Outcome: All Might is traumatized. Izuku never looks at him the same way again.

Katsuki Bakugo – Getting "The Talk" from Best Jeanist

Best Jeanist sat elegantly in his chair, hands clasped, posture impeccable. Across from him, Katsuki Bakugo slumped aggressively, arms crossed, looking seconds away from combusting.

"Katsuki," Best Jeanist said, his voice smooth. "It is my duty as your mentor to educate you on a matter most delicate."

Bakugo scowled. "If this is about ‘being a proper gentleman,’ I’m out."

Jeanist exhaled through his nose. "No, my unruly pupil. This is about intimacy."

Bakugo's eye twitched.

Jeanist continued. "Love is a fabric that must be woven carefully. Each strand—trust, respect, communication—is vital. And much like a fine pair of denim—"

"NO." Bakugo stood up. "NO DENIM ANALOGIES, YOU WEIRD STRING BEAN!"

Jeanist ignored him. "A strong foundation is crucial, lest one suffer a wardrobe malfunction, if you understand my meaning."

Bakugo’s hands literally sparked.

Jeanist smiled, unfazed. "And of course, protection is important. Just as one would not step into battle without proper armor, one must also ensure—"

"STOP TALKING!" Bakugo turned completely red. "I’M OUT! I’M DONE! I’M NOT LISTENING TO A GUY IN A DENIM TURTLENECK TALK ABOUT CONDOMS!"

And with that, he exploded through the nearest window.

Outcome: Best Jeanist remains unbothered. Bakugo needs therapy.

Fumikage Tokoyami – Getting "The Talk" from Hawks

Hawks leaned back in his chair, casually tossing popcorn into his mouth. "Alright, kid. So. Birds and bees talk. Let’s go."

Fumikage Tokoyami stared at him. "...I already know about birds."

Hawks grinned. "Not like this, you don’t."

Tokoyami sighed. "This is unnecessary. My path is one of solitude and darkness. I have no need for such knowledge."

Hawks waggled his eyebrows. "Yeah? Well, when your Dark Shadow isn’t the only thing rising at night, you might wanna reconsider."

Tokoyami froze.

Dark Shadow: "BRO, WHAT THE HELL?!"

"HAWKS." Tokoyami gripped the edge of the table, visibly trembling. "DO NOT SPEAK OF SUCH MATTERS!"

Hawks chuckled. "Relax, Bird Boy. I got your back." He tossed a condom at him. "Use that if you ever wanna fly south for the winter, yeah?"

Tokoyami practically flew out of the room.

Outcome: Tokoyami becomes celibate. Dark Shadow is scarred for life.

Tamaki Amajiki – Getting "The Talk" from Fatgum

Fatgum grinned as he placed a giant plate of takoyaki in front of Tamaki.

"Alright, bud! Let’s talk about the big stuff!"

Tamaki, already nervous, started sweating. "B-big… s-stuff?"

"Yup!" Fatgum nodded. "The ol' horizontal tango! The whoopee cushion shuffle! The bibbity boppity boink!"

Tamaki looked like he wanted to disintegrate.

Fatgum laughed. "Aww, c’mon, kiddo! Ain’t nothing to be scared of! Everybody’s gotta learn how to get down to business eventually!"

Tamaki: "I don’t."

Fatgum patted his shoulder. "Ah, it ain’t so bad! You just gotta be confident, communicate with your partner, and—"

Tamaki teleported out of his chair.

Outcome: Fatgum laughs it off. Tamaki moves to another city.

Tomura Shigaraki – Getting "The Talk" from Dabi

Dabi leaned against the wall, arms crossed, smirking.

"So, you and relationships. That’s a funny thought."

Shigaraki scowled. "Tch. Whatever. I don’t care."

Dabi chuckled. "Alright, well, let’s say you do care. You meet someone, they actually like you—miracle, by the way—so what then?"

Shigaraki crossed his arms. "Then I’d… tell them they’re mine?"

Dabi sighed. "Alright, well, if you don’t wanna accidentally dust your date mid-kiss, you should probably learn some control, champ."

Shigaraki looked away. "...Tch. Whatever. I have control."

"Yeah? What about when your emotions get wild?" Dabi grinned. "Or if they kiss your neck?"

Shigaraki turned bright red. "SHUT UP."

Outcome: Shigaraki refuses to speak to Dabi for a week.

Hitoshi Shinso – Getting "The Talk" from Aizawa

Aizawa sighed, rubbing his temples. "Okay, Shinso. We need to talk."

Shinso sipped his coffee. "About what?"

Aizawa: "...Sex."

Shinso immediately choked.

Aizawa sighed again. "Look, it’s nothing complicated. Just be respectful, communicate, use protection, and for the love of god, don’t use your Quirk in bed."

Shinso: "WHY WOULD I—WHAT—NO! WHY WOULD YOU EVEN THINK THAT?!"

Aizawa shrugged. "I don’t know. Gotta cover all the bases."

Shinso buried his face in his hands. "I hate it here."

Outcome: Aizawa doesn’t care. Shinso wants to disappear.

Shoto Todoroki – Getting "The Talk" from Endeavor

Endeavor sat across from Shoto, arms crossed, his face burning slightly brighter than usual.

"Shoto. We need to talk."

Shoto blinked. "About?"

"...Procreation."

Shoto immediately stood up. "I’m leaving."

Endeavor grabbed his wrist. "SIT."

Outcome: Shoto literally escapes through a window.

MHA Characters Getting "The Talk"

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3 months ago

reminder to trans, nonbinary, and any other non-cis people in the usa: there are people that love you and care about you. things are going to be okay, please don’t do anything drastic. i know things are scary right now but your lives are all worth so so much. don’t let him win. i love you

5 months ago

tumblr you’re gay @staff

5 months ago

i hate haters

i hate hypocrisy

i hate lists

i hate people who type in all lowercase

i hate irony

i hate donald trump (this ones fr guys)


Tags
1 month ago
A drawn image of Bakugou, Kirishima, Kaminari, and Mina in matching white t-shirts. Bakugou is wearing a shirt that says "Gay" and he is muttering "this is dumb" while looking to the side. Kirishima is lifting his shirt, which says "Abortion" and saying "Are you guys sure I'm allowed to wear this?". Kaminari and Mina are saying "Say cheese!" with big grins, and Mina is doing a peace sign. Kaminari's shirt says "Slut" and Mina's shirt says "Big Dick". Mina is also saying "Yes, Kiri, you're being feminist."

bakusquad <3333

sero is taking their picture btw

based on this reference image i saw on pinterest haha !!

Bakusquad
3 months ago

guess who got an A on their test that they didn’t study for! I guess writing mha headcanons does make me better at school.

requests are highly appreciated!!

what part time jobs i think that the baku squad (+jiro and sero) would have

(i might make a part 2 with other students if people want)

katsuki bakugo

It seems fairly obvious that he’d work in a restaurant to me

specifically a fast casual restaurant like panera

they tried to have him be a cashier once and never again because he has horrible customer service skills (no shit)

he acts like Carmy from the bear despite the fact that half of his job is reheating frozen stuff

will crash out if someone leaves their area a mess

works as much as possible and is insanely dedicated despite the fact that he makes minimum wage

kyoka jiro

she’s a cashier at a record store

wears band shirts so she can flex when grown ass men ask her to name 5 songs

DEFINITELY uses her employee discount

Eijiro Kirishima

Hear me out he’s a swim coach for kids

he originally tried being a lifeguard but would freak out and think people were drowning when they were just swimming

He is actually really good with kids and overall good at his job

Denki Kamanari

He’s been fired like 8 times

the only place he can get a job is the grocery store where he’s a stocker

spends all his money the minute he gets his paycheck

Hanta Sero

He’s a drive through attendant at the same restaurant as Bakugo

He works a lot to get money for you know 🍃

He picks a new random accent to talk in for each customer when he gets bored

Mina Ashido

She’s a receptionist at a hair salon

When she doesn’t like a client she’ll tell them that they’re all booked up when they really aren’t

eats all the lollipops they have in the jar for customers

biggest shit talker and gossips with the customers and cosmetologists


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1 month ago

my brother wrote this. if you think what i write is strange please refer to this.

Bruno Encanto gets drafted in Vietnam

Okay okay

So let me set the scene

It’s the mid 60s and the encanto family is in encanto house

Grandma: Bruno…

Bruno: Yes ma

Grandma: I need to tell you something

Bruno: Shoot

Grandma: u got drafted in nam

Bruno: Zoinks

Grandma: my Bruno WhY *cries softly*

Bruno: It’ll be okay ma

Grandma: ok Gn

Next Morning

Bruno: Family I have something to tell you

Strong one: what is it

Bruno im drafted to viesnam

Ten years later Bruno died in war

All family in unison:

This is the true reason we don’t talk about Bruno

5 months ago

guys i found out men can see me and not just girls

like i am visible to only people who understand the relation of film cooper and marsha p johnson


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5 months ago

i think the characters you had a crush on in middle school really shape your personality.

like why was i obsessed with karma from assassination classroom at age 11 😭

or like jd from heathers

or toga from mha like girl 😭


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dirtbagattack - evil maya
evil maya

born to be silly and make art but morally obligated to care about shit and try to improve society

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