Distinguishedsaladphantom - Meow

people keep trying to make "ladies and gentlemen" more inclusive.

I think we should go the other way around.

make more and more weird false dichotomies in greetings. "gamers and pianists". "oil painters and swordsmen". "vexillologists and entomologists". "chess masters and diamond artificers". "accountants and gendered individuals".

we need to be dropping shit into formal meetings to make people say "wait what? which one am I?"

Different Stories Resonate with Different People

OM! Pet HC’s part 1!

Lucifer:

Cerberus, a tri-headed Chow. Similar in appearance to a Human World ChowChow save for his three heads, Cerberus weighs in around 10,000 kg (11 tons), and is larger than an adult African elephant. Though aggressive and cold towards strangers, Cerberus has nothing but love towards it owner, enjoying a relaxed walk, or rest along side Lucifer. Despite their good guarding skill, Cerbie is rather aloof and calm when not working.

Fire spouts from his ears eyes and mouth when in combat or when excited.

Only the main head of Cerberus is Sentient. The other two being controlled by the main head, thus Cerberus is referred to as a him rather then with they/them pronouns. The main head is primarily used for eating and drinking, with the other two heads functioning as intimidation and also used for attacking prey.

Gets along with: Lucifer, Satan, Luke.

Dislikes: Mammon

ALSO!

Yes I know canonically Cerberus is some Doberman/bully breed, but I thought I’d lean more in to the comedy aspects of OM! By making Cerbie a ChowChow, something far more fluffy, goofy and over all adorable. I still imagine them to be able to be quite intimidating, I mean even a chihuahua the size of an elephant would be scary, but I just wanted them to be a more regal yet cute dog. Plus I’m not for the framing of Bully Breeds and Doberman as “scary dogs” and so I wanted to break the stereotype of them always being intimidating hellhounds.

Reader who is a biter and a scratcher

MDNI/NSFW/KINKY AF

Ft: Soap, Ghost, Price

- - > Ghost: he is complicated, I picture him as a kind of a feral guy in bed so having a lover that matches his freak is a peak win. Loves to know that he will somewhat find a scratch on his body that wasn't training related. May that be on his lower belly or his sides, he knows your fingernails did it.

He is jealous of them, he never shows them, not even to Johnny but looks at them with a difficult expression. You know what those heart eyes mean though, under that mask, he is red as fuck.

Talking about matching his freak, I think he is down bad to forcing you into submission. You two want sex? Good, who takes it and how? There we go, you two are at eachother's throats going for the kill. By the end of that you two are exhausted but happy. Having Simon with scratches and bite marks on his back is a sign that you are going to guide him through all the night, may you be on top taking him and riding him like a champ denying his release or simply him taking you from behind (may you have a strap-on or dick).

Fucking hell, he will surely remember who he belongs to, those marks around his nipples and nape and back are going to be there for days...expecially the ones on his lips, good thing he has a mask

- - > Price: He loves it. He can't get enough of you scratching and marking him all over. During training I like to think that if he gets the possibility, he'll bite you back. Just like two kids fighting, you know you can't always behave like a good and well mannered soldier so when the occasion presents itself, you go for it.

You do not kiss, rarely we can say. Instead you go on and gently bite whatever skin you can find, a finger? You are tugging it, his wrist? you are tugging it too and shaking it gently, his cock? He loves the thrill of knowing you will use your teeth why giving him a blowjob like the good little lover you are.

Taking risks, that is what he likes, so he has you sometimes under his desk between his legs and he can feel your teeth hovering the base of his dick or his puffy and fat red head. Of course, you do not bite him with force, just gently nibbing at it. No way you want to injure your boyfriend.

But with sex? Oh god he is a total mess after. On the bed with his hairy chest quickly taking in breath after breath as his shoulderblades and neck are strawberry red...maybe even his ass is a bit red...even his inner thighs...His body is like a chess piece filled with hickeys, bites and scratches.

He doesn't mind of any of that, actually he always wants some of your presence with him.

- - > Soap: loud bastard, gotta know how to shut him up properly. Deny him what he loves, affection and realease and he is whimpering like a puppy.

Still time though he wants to get what he wants, he will beg you to give it to him, even if it takes having the heel of a military boot crushing his weeping and red cock in the confinements of his jeans.

Gag him, you he talks too much. Bite his nape, after all puppies become pliant when they feel teeth on that part of their neck, it tells them to shut up.

If he had a tail he would swag just for you, and his mowhack? Perfect love handle to give pain to that masochist. He smirks as he knows he will get what he wants, he just needs to bribe you.

But you know, he likes to have some reminder that he must be a good boy, that collar is giving wonders around his red neck filled with red lines. You thought you were going over board but he said no, if you did, he would've said the safe words and things would be taken to an halt.

After all, he cant wait to do the same thing to you too, he just need to grow his nails a bit longer and then he would be ready to call you his personal slut.

Deadlifted 405. 3 reps 8 sets.

Your roommates have one rule. No boys allowed if they ain't home. Which is silly cause their almost never home but it could be worse.

So when your coworker opens the door carrying you inside to the couch, they nervously look up at the camera.

"Um hi I'm y/n's coworker Eric, she's got a fever and passed out at work. I had her take medicine on the way here." He holds up the box and sets it in the coffee table. "Um just gonna go now?"

The click of the cameras speaker echos.

"Keys are still in yer pocket." A deep voice growls through the mic.

The young man frantically searches his pockets before practically throwing the keys on the table and high tailing it out the door.

-----------

They tell you the cameras are for your safety while their gone. No, don't worry there isn't any in the bathrooms or your bedroom. (There is)

No men allowed because you could be taken advantage of (you're theirs and they only share with each other)

And you listen to their silly rules, follow all of them even when their gone. (Such a good girl you are)

-----

Your phone chimes as you're putting on your heels in the hallway. Smoothing your dress out when you straighten you grab it out of your purse.

◇ Where ya going, Lass?

Jeez, you should have known one of them was watching. Those guys act like your parents sometimes.

♡ I'm going out

You check your makeup in the mirror, applying some lip gloss. Your phone chimes again.

♤ No shit, where?

You can't help the eye roll. You swear Simon can't go a single sentence without cursing.

♡ Where else on a Friday night? Got a date.

You check your purse, making sure you have your keys, mace, and the kitty knuckles Price had bought you. Counting the ticks on the clock till your phone starts blowing up.

◇ What?!

♤ Think f'kin not

♧ To dangerous, stay home instead.

☆ Agreed, stay home. Order take out and watch a movie.

You sigh. They're a little overprotective sometimes.

♤ Breakin the rule

You glare at the camera before responding.

♡ The rule was not to have anyone over, didn't say anything about going to someone else's place.

You regret sending it immediately.

♧ Not gonna happen.

♤ Your ass isn't going anywhere

☆ Seems like some rules need amending

◇ Bonnie, yer diggin yerself a hole

You flip the camera off

♡ You guys are overreacting! I swear you're worse than my parents. I'm not a child, I'm allowed date. I dont bother you guys when you go out.

Your phone rings and you ignore it, knowing it was Simon wanting to give you an earful.

A chime

• Hey, I'm outside. Ready?

You flash the camera a smile and wave,

"Bye boys! Don't wait up."

You put your phone on silent and walk out the door.

-----------

You wished you had stayed home. This date isn't going well at all. He seemed like a nice guy too.

You slip your phone from your purse and quickly text the group chat. Promptly ignoring the missed calls and texts while your date drones on.

♡ Okay...you guys were right. I should of stayed home...No I told you so please.

-- 5 minutes later--

You ended the date after another backhanded insult. Placing some cash down for your food (which he ordered FOR you) and enough for a tip because you know this asshole wouldn't.

You were walking down the sidewalk ordering an Uber when his voice caught up to you.

"You're seriously gonna just leave me in there like that?!"

You pause, turning to see him walking towards you. Oh just great. You resume your walk towards the 24/7 store to wait for your ride. He follows you the whole way, yelling about how you should be grateful for a date with him.

You check the group chat (no messages)

♡ Texting so theres a time stamp if this guy does something stupid

--30 minutes later--

You slam the door open and closed again. Sliding the lock into place, throwing your keys and purse. You mutter angrily taking your heels off. You just want to take a scolding shower, open a bottle of wine, and get some actual food.

You practically rip the liquor cabinet open, cursing when the only thing you see is they guys stuff.

"Fucking Kyle drinking my stuff."

Okay, scratch the alcohol, that's fine. You'd love to order takeout, but your cellphone screen is shattered to pieces and refuses to turn on. With a sigh, you make your way to the bathroom closing the door behind you.

Turning the water on and stripping down you look at your wrist. The blooming bruise makes you grimace. He had tried to stop you from getting into the Uber.

While you're showering, you don't hear the front door open. Boot thuds through the apartment.

You're wrapped in a towel when you open the bathroom door. Steam rolling out behind you and off your skin. Padding to your room you try to decide if you want to just sleep or put a movie on.

You open your dresser drawer, grabbing some panties, shorts, and an oversized shirt. Setting them on the bed you grab your hair brush, turning towards your door at a creek. You scream and launch the brush at the person in the doorway. John easily catches it.

"Fuck you John! Scared the shit out of me!"

----------

John's eyes drag over your form for a moment before tossing you back your brush.

"Get dressed then come to the kitchen. Pull a stunt like not answerin' your phone again and I'll take you over my knee."

"My phone is broken, can't answer what won't turn on. Did you just threaten me?"

"Seems like it was work'n fine earlier when you were being all defiant."

You rolled your eyes.

"Yes having a life is defiant. I dropped it on the way home okay. Now let me get dressed its cold."

With a sigh John leaves and shuts the door behind him. Sending a quick text to the group chat for the guys only. The one that's full of pictures of you, stolen panties, their thought about fucking you...

☆ Kyle, get her a new phone while your out. Says she dropped it n it won't turn on.

♧ Dropped it? Musta been a hell of a drop. It's late but I'll see what I can do.

☆ Simon, how's the food coming? Decide what yer getting yet?

♤ That honey chicken she likes so much. Got us some stuff too.

☆ Johnny how're things on your end?

◇ With him now

☆ Good, make sure he can't touch what's ours again.

------

You opt out for a different shirt, an oversized hoodie you've stolen from one of your roommates at one point. (They left it in the laundry room for a week, fair game) it will cover your arms. Effectively hiding the bruise so you won't have to look at it. If John says I told you so, you swear you'll cry.

Padding to the kitchen, you see him sat at the table. He's changed out of his uniform and into his loungewear. Did he drop everything to be here? You dont know much about what your roommates do for work. Just that they were all in the military. They said you didn't need to know so you've never asked.

"Shouldn't you be at work?"

"I would be, if you would of behaved." He's texting on his phone. Occasionally scribbling in the notepad next to him.

"Behaved?" You took a slow breath, "I didn't break any of your rules!"

His gaze always makes you nervous, like he can see all of your thoughts.

"John, you and the guys have so many rules for me. I have 3 for you. I know I don't pay many of the bills here, but I don't think that's cause for treating me like a child." You're fiddling with the sleeves of your hoodie.

Truthfully, you're not sure what bills you pay exactly. Once a month, you send money to Price, and he takes care of it. He says it's easier that way. The other guys do it to...you think? All the bills you've seen are addressed to Price.

"Gonna redo some of the rules." He sets his phone down. He motions for you to sit.

"You said changes can't be made unless everyone was present."

"Good thing we're all here then." Kyle's voice sounds from the hallway.

You deflate, of course they're all here. You know what's gonna happen. They say the voting is fair but it's not. They always agree with each other.

Johnny comes and sits at the table, gone is his usual peppy self. He stares at you.

Kyle comes into the kitchen next, setting a box down in front of your usual seat. He sits to John's right as always.

You can feel Simon's glare on you when he comes in. You ignoring his calls is a peev of his. Your stomach betrays you when you smell delicious food.

"Should eat this infront of ya. Little shit." Instead he drops your favorite takeout by your spot. "Sit."

He sits on the opposite side of your usual seat, passing out more food to the others. You're always squished between Simon and Johnny.

"You guys are-"

"If you don't sit down right now."

Ah yea that's real mad...you sit in your chair with a pout.

Containers squeak and plastic wraps rustle for a few minutes before Price speaks up.

"Start from the beginning, what happened on yer date."

Your eyebrows furrow, "That's not really-"

Kyle's hand slaps the table in annoyance. "You're on thin ice already. Do as you're told damn it."

You tense, fork abandoned in your container. A glare present on your face as you take them all in. You calmly stand.

"If I wanted to be scolded and interrogated, I wouldn't have moved out of my mom's place." You push your chair in, "I'm going to bed."

You make it about 4 steps before your wrist is trapped in an iron grip. Johnny's angry response lost to you as tears pricked the corner of your eyes and a small whimper comes out of your mouth.

The kitchens deadly quiet. Johnny's grip loosens as he looks at your wrist, he shoves the sleeve up and you can practically see him bristle like a cat.

"Price..." Johnny won't let go of your wrist. Soon the others are crowding you both. The bruise looks worse now.

"Let go Johnny!" You're ignored. The guys are passing looks to each other.

------

"He put his hands on ya.."

"Let go!"

"Bastards gonna lose a hand"

"For fucks sake Johnny let go of me!"

He releases his grip only for Kyle's hand to replace it. Softly turning your wrist back and forth, watching your face for discomfort.

You just want to crawl under your covers. They always take things too far.

"Kyle I want to go to my room, please let go."

He passes a look to Simon as Price and Johnny leave the room, talking quietly to each other.

"You're gonna sit and eat while we get your new phone set up." Kyle grabs the box and opens it.

"I really-"

Simon's large hand is around you in seconds. Pulling towards your chair, only to drag you onto his lap instead.

He stabs a piece of chicken with his fork and brings it to your lips.

"I can feed myself you know.." Simon raises a brow at you. You know he won't let you leave until the food is gone. With a sigh you take the offered fork in your mouth. He nods and stabs another piece, you chew slowly trying to think.

Kyle is tapping away on your apparently new phone. Of course it's the newest model. There's no way you're going to be able to afford payments on that and knowing the guys they'll say,

"Don't worry about that, gotta have some way to get ahold of ya."

But you do worry about that stuff. You work your ass off to afford things. Hell you'd been living with your mother because she charged less rent than any apartment around you.

You thought it was to good to be true when you saw the advertisement for this place.

//Roommate wanted//

• Set amount of rent

• Own room with lock

• Internet included

• Looking for someone who doesn't mind sharing space with 4 guys who are hardly present.

• Expected to keep the house tidy in their absence and to bring the mail in.

• Upkeep the plants and fish

You didn't hesitate to apply. Farther from your job of course but the thought of not living with your mother who berated you for any little infraction? Worth it.

-----

"Open up." Simon's voice cuts through your thoughts briefly, and you mindlessly take another bite.

If you could pick up some more hours for a few weeks, maybe you could pay enough of the bill down so the payments were less?

Another bite

But the guys would get upset if your schedule changed.

Another bite

You stuggle... the set rent is great. Let's you work on your debt. Sometimes your friends wanna go to lunch and it's a nice place. $17 for a small portion of food ain't worth it. Your friends laugh sometimes. And when you get home, the guys do the same thing. "Should of just got something good."

Bite

You pause and let go. Glaring at Simon who's chuckling to himself, looking at your small bite marks on his hand while Kyle shakes his head.

"Excuse you. When's the last time you washed your hands, Simon?" Tongue licking your bottom lip.

"Not my fault ya wernt payin attention."

-----

sorry for twitter link again, not a porn link but still quite nsfw but this is how im imagining myself slobbering on ghosts shit

link

Said it a year ago and I’ll say it again.

Pirate all your favorite shows, movies and games while you still have the chance.

Oh, and never stop supporting physical media.

>:3