Humans Have Three Modes: Fuck, Pet And Eat. Whatever You Are, Wherever You Are, Know; If A Human Looks

"what are you doing?..." your boyfriend's words come out breathlessly as you place his head between your thighs. squeezing his head between them playfully.

his steamy hot breath against your pussy, huffing like a dog in heat as you squeeze his head between your thighs. drool coating his lips as he feels your pussy twitching and clenching against the back of his head.

it was so good that you couldn't help the way you were basically humping his head. clenching your fingers around his hair and pushing him harder against your needy pussy.

a groan comes out of his wet mouth as your feets brush against his sensitive nipples. the only thing that's separating your cold feets from making contact with his hard nipples is the fabric of his shirt.

throwing his head back into your pussy, causing a whine to rip out of you as you feel his head hitting your wet clit.

your boyfriend couldn't help the way he took a hold of your feet, pushing it against his raging hard on. his red tip leaking precum through the fabric of his pants.

and that was the night you realized your boyfriend had a thing for your feets.

art credits to @kakitsubata0510 on X.

There's the urban legend that some japanese companies will hire a "loud American." A person who is just there to voice complaints to the boss when others cant.

I had an idea today that alien ships might hire "The Human!" A person who is just there to just stand there and looks like the be the big, tough, indestructible threat of a being that the galaxy knows humans are.

Doesnt matter who the human is. Big or small, male or female, a tough soldier or more gentle than a newborn. They just have to be present and let the reputation of humans speak for itself.

Is the captain trying to enforce an unpopular regulation on the crew? Ask The Human to have a private meeting and voice the complaints.

Trying to sell some goods but the buyer wants to renegotiate the price to be more unfair to you? Ask The Human to be there at the negotiating table.

That jerk at the bar keeps pestering you with their mating display, because they want to be the one to fertilize your eggs wont take no for an answer? Ask The Human to escort you back to your quarters.

Not sure if the neighborhood where you're making the delivery is a safe one? Just ask that lovely human if they wouldnt mind putting down their crochet and coming with you. They might be extra thrilled if you mention they could take their pet with them, for a walk.

No, no, but don't you think it's weird how often we put things into our mouth just to hold them? It's even weirder if there's somewhere nearby where we could temporarily place those things but decide not to. It's a habit that's so engraved in human nature that it's even portrayed in all kinds of media.

I was sewing something a few days ago. Sitting at my very large desk that would have been the perfect place to hold my stuff. I still held the pins in my mouth.

When making myself tea I always put the wrapped teabag between my lips when I'm closing the cabinet door. Don't know why, I mean I could just place it on the counter, close the door and pick it up again, or close the cabinet after I've put the teabag into my mug. But no.

Then there's opening things with your mouth. Using your teeth to get through stubborn plastic wrappers. Sometimes your mouth just has more strength and dexterity than your fingers. It's weird but it's a thing.

And now imagine with me how aliens (possibly ones with more than two arms) would react to that. That sheer bewilderment and slight look of disgust. Fantastic.

Good Morning RAD!

Diavolo (over the morning announcements): Good morning, everyone! I hope you're all having a pleasant start to the day. Today at lunch, some Devi Scouts will be stopping by to sell cookies, so be sure to be nice to them. Also, we have Satan and Mammon here to apologize for... the incident in the lab yesterday.

Satan (grabbing the mic): Good morning, demons of RAD. I just want to say, I deeply apologize... that you're all a bunch of weaklings! Honestly, what kind of demon can't handle a tiny explosion?

Mammon (yelling from the back): Yeah! It was a science class for crying out loud! Stop being such wimps and grow a pair!

Lucifer (trying to pull Satan away): Satan, that’s enough—

Satan (clutching the table): And to whoever ratted out Beel for eating the teacher’s lunch—Mammon and I are coming for you after school!

Mammon: Yeah, you made my baby brother get punished! We’re not lettin’ that slide!

Satan (as Lucifer drags him away): You can all burn in hell! Oh wait—you’re already there, you pathetic losers!

Diavolo (long pause): Well... that went well.

Lucifer: Diavolo, I think it’s safe to say... no more public apologies.

Diavolo: Agreed. I was so sure they'd behave this time, too. So sure...

Lucifer (sighing): I should’ve known better.

levi sketches for all the love on the last post :D

references below!

Small General Obey Me Headcanons

Characters: Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmo, Beel, Belphie, Simeon, Solomon, Diavolo and Barbatos

CW: A bit angsty in each person's parts, nothing too severe, relationships are kept neutral.

Authors Note: I believe I've seen a few of these prior and just absorbed them without realizing- also me projecting onto the brothers. Under a cut due to post length.

Lucifer

He has dyscalclia, and struggles when it comes to doing math and looking at numbers. He's too prideful to admit it though. It's why paperwork and work tends to take him so long- causing work to pile up.

After the fall, Lucifer would find himself wandering the halls, and would sneak into his brothers rooms to make sure they were okay. He'd been caught multiple times by Levi, and learned to be quite good at playing Mario (or the Devildom equivalent) games because of it

Lucifer has another credit card entirely and purposely adds money for Mammon to spend, especially if he thought he was being to harsh on Mammon.

He prefers to be dressed entirely, because clothes cover the scars from where his angel wings used to be.

Mammon

He's way smarter than he lets on, he just knows his brothers have incredibly difficult lives and he wants to take any pressure that he can off of them- even if it makes him the butt of their jokes.

He's incredibly skilled at math, engineering and fixing things- he was quite focused on cars and racing for a while (especially since gambling on them make quite a profit).

Mammon may be greedy, but he often buys small gifts for his brothers and manages to sneak it to them.

Mammon traces over his pact marks when he gets nervous, it helps to ground him if he begins to panic.

Leviathan

Levi's obsession and love for Ruri-chan came from a place of self hatred after becoming a demon.

Levi used to have a mini tub for Henry to swim in as well, but changed it to having a tank so he could fall asleep watching Henry swim around.

Being the Navy's general makes the ocean incredibly calming for him, he will come by Devildoms rivers and oceans and just stare at them at times to relax.

Levi absolutely buys double of almost every manga or anime in case his brothers want to watch it- and he has certain ones saved his brothers in the hope they ask.

Satan

When learning about human culture before the exchange program, he became oddly obsessed with late 2000 Disney movies and would binge watch them when he had the time.

Satan will find synopsis' of Levi's animes and would write fanfictions of them- especially if Levi complained about the ending or way something was done.

Although Satan did have a majority of his Wrath directed towards Lucifer, he was the first and only one of his brothers to learn about his dyscalclia, and has sworn to secrecy about it to protect his brothers pride.

Satan was (and is) a D&D nerd, and has false books full of dice sets for "emergency sessions".

Asmo

After the fall, they got weirdly obsessed with clouds and the sky, and would find places to just watch their beauty, his go to with any partner is to compare them to the beauty of the night sky.

A really good big brother to the twins, used to buy pillows that were "in style" for the twins - ended up getting Belphie the cow print pillow he always has before he was banished.

Every so often they mentally fight to not get piercings. They want some- namely a nose piercing, but don't want to "run the risk of tarnishing their perfect face" if it didn't turn out right.

Asmo has a strange ability to tell what size someone's clothes are- and always manages to get matching sets that fit someone perfectly.

Beelzebub

Beel has super good rhythm, and plays music surprisingly well- especially on the drums!

Beel got into sports to physically tire him out after the long days- it eases his nightmares to tire himself out to such an extent.

He's incredibly comfortable to lay on, there's been quite a few times that Belphie comes over and flops against him to nap.

Belphagor

He got oddly obsessed with musicals, especially since it gives him inspiration for dreams. He's particularly fond of Heathers.

Love language is choking plushie buying, especially if he knows it's something his partner cuddles up to.

He sleeps during class but somehow passes almost perfectly.

If he somehow struggles with sleeping, he goes to Satan to listen to him read.

Simeon

Simeon makes it a mission to better understand technology and makes gifts for those who help him.

Simeon grew a slight obsession with humanity after and during the exchange program- often finding himself wishing he would've joined the brothers in the Celestial War.

Simeon holds study sessions with Luke and often invites Barbatos and Diavolo to talk over tea and sweets.

Solomon

Absolutely covered in markings from his pacts, they travel from his neck to his ankles- and when he starts trying to concentrate he traces over the ones that travel down his arms.

He developed multiple relationships in the Human world, but grew to cherish friendships over romantic relationships.

Has a large collection of Grandpa slippers.

Diavolo

Loves sharing his clothes, especially because he likes seeing how his friends (and partners) look in more royal suited clothes- and likes seeing how his clothes swallow them up.

He grows incredibly attached fast- especially given that his only friends were not usually friends with him of their free will.

He finds sitting on the castles' roof and staring up at the sky relaxing- it makes him feel like every other demon and shortly lifts the weight of being the future king off his shoulders.

Barbatos

Listens to music when cleaning the palace but refuses to tell anyone what's on his playlists.

Accidentally set Diavolo on a rampage by giving him pickles- insures that pickles are banned in the castle from that point forward.

Once managed to pin Satan during a wrathful episode- every one agreed to never talk about it, himself included.

I have been asked to expand on the MC with trauma scenarios, and you know what, I need the comfort, so let's do it! (No these are not based on myself, I don't know what you're talking about....)

Also I've seen a ton of people's responses to the last one and just know that I am spiritually patting you all on the head and wrapping a soft blanket around your shoulders.

--

MC with ~Trauma~ PT 2!

Imagine an MC who has been mocked, berated, or criticized for their joys and hobbies. They don't do those things anymore or go to great lengths to hide them.

They never share their writing or their art with anyone. They are surrounded by demons and angels much more talented than them. The thing that they felt they were moderately talented in is below average compared to these beings... Everything they create is hidden in secret digital folders or kept in notebooks under their mattress or tucked in secret spots on their bookshelves.

They never sing or dance or play their instruments. They almost avoid the music room altogether. It's almost too painful for them to think about. If they attend a dance they just stand off to the sides... They don't participate in karaoke. They don't hum to their favorite songs.

They hardly cook, or garden, or read, or edit, or color, or knit, or crochet, or embroider, or anything else that they might enjoy.

Imagine some of the nosier brothers not realizing the pain that hides behind their passions and either playfully spying on them or digging up their secrets. Their hearts are fully destroyed when their human breaks down in tears. Now, every single day, every character encourages them to do what they love and giving them private time and space to do it in a place where they feel safe. They all hope that maybe one day MC will feel comfortable enough to share what they love with them but they will never pry it out of them, and all the while giving them the support they need behind the curtain.

Imagine Satan, Levi, and Mammon grouping together and creating a PowerPoint presentation. With Satan's organizing skills, Levi's technological know-how, and Mammon's morally grey skills of espionage, they gather all the characters together and teach a class on what to do and not to do around MC. Things like having a clear voice in text messages to keep them from having anxiety. Or not slamming doors, not entering their room without knocking, reminding them to drink water, knowing when to give them time to breathe etc. Everyone takes it seriously (some might say too seriously), including Belphie who didn't even sleep for a second during the whole thing.

What about an MC who takes on too much and never says anything about it? At first, Lucifer, Barbatos, and to a lesser degree Diavolo, are pleased that they've found a human with a strong work ethic and a love for responsibility. Little do they know that while part of that might be true, they are doing it because they are non-confrontational, a people pleaser, or try to prove their worth through success (or all of the above). They burn themselves out and forgo their other needs to conserve all their energy for the work that's been given to them, and it's not until it becomes a serious health issue that anyone really notices. They all take a blow when they come to know how much they had been pushing a human beyond their capabilities. So they tell MC to do less, not expecting the human to try and convince them that it wasn't an issue, maybe even apologizing for failing. Now they all have to keep an eye on MC and make sure they don't take things too far, and make sure that MC knows that their worth isn't tied to how much gets done in a day and they don't think of them any less for taking breaks or time for themselves. And maybe they all learn to take care of themselves a little more for it too. Especially one work-a-holic demon known as Pride.

How about an MC that hates the way they look? No matter what that might be. Body size, shape, height, skin-tone, skin-color, scars, blemishes, freckles, etc. What if it was drilled into their head since they were a child that they were not beautiful? What if they can't look into the mirror or take any photos of themselves without feeling sick? How about being around a demon like Asmo? Maybe resenting him, maybe avoiding him, maybe wishing they were like him. It probably would hurt Asmo to see someone hating themselves and their body so intently. Maybe it's because it reminds him of himself. Maybe they both have to sit down and rethink what beauty really means? It's a long process for both of them.

All of them work with the human with their image and not in a shallow way like trying to deny the things they have and who they are. They find ways around pictures, because there are more ways to keep memories rather than selfies and commemorative photos.

Please reblog if you think that “they/them/theirs” is a valid set of pronouns.

this post must be reblogged by everyone

This is why "eat the rich" is not a violent statement. Rich people literally kill others for their own profits. Any violence against rich people who do this is self defense.

This is also one of the many reasons why there are zero good cops. The nicest cop in existence would arrest someone for stealing to survive but would not arrest these greedy employers for killing for profit.