Lana.

The vintage aesthetic is too good, what a shame the vintage world wasn't

Unfortunately he does really genuinely love me and has proved it several times over and now I have to apologize for projecting my insecurities onto him and making things weird even though he expects no apology god FUCK healing this is so weird I have never been the problem before

I am finally off my period and am going out w my man tomorrow and if I don't get dick by approximately 10:01pm Friday, March 8th 2024 I am going to gnaw off my own leg

angelic state of mind

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god sometimes I think about my little redheaded childhood best friend who just didn't know how to handle herself and was abused and just passed it on because she never recognized any of it was wrong and how utterly shattered and heartbroken she was when I told her we couldn't be friends anymore because the mistreatment and the mothering i had to deal with for her was so exhausting and how much I missed her and how good and kind and generous she was at her soul when she wasn't lashing out and my heart aches so bad I have to take a minute to straight up curl into myself bella swan style because it feels like somebody is pulling my ribs out of my chest. So anyway I hope she had the absolute happiest 18th birthday this year and that she still likes to hear people read to her and that there are still people willing to do it because she's dyslexic and wants to read but can't and I hope that people still encourage how good she is with math and that she still loves to paint nails and give massages and is still proud of her strength and still learns every single lyric to the songs she likes and sings them flawlessly even though she cannot sing to save her life and that she still only buys dresses that look good with sandals and flip flops because they're "the only right thing to wear with dresses" and that she's happy in her own skin and christ I hope she's fucking safe. I miss her and I love her and I hope she's safe and content and that her biggest problem is what she wants for lunch and that whoever she's with reminds her how wonderful and beautiful that bright golden ring in the center of her blue eyes is. And I hope she doesn't hate me too bad for having to leave her.

if I started hopping around my house on all fours that would fix some things I think. Would really do me a lot of good you should try it

sometimes I forget that tumblr is the only site I can be on that nobody from my actual real life knows about or could find me on and that I can rant or write really shitty poetry about stuff any time I want. Its free and the police can't stop me and neither can the people who know me irl and would be mortified! Thrilling!