All The Batkids Using Bruce's Cape As A Little Hideyhole. 😭

Honestly this lines up with how my associates describe their interactions with Dren. They always talk about how he insists they are his assistants yet he makes them do all the work and doesn't help. I could tell you a few of the highlights of situations they may or may not have intentionally left him in. My favorite story was by far the bottle.

Chancellor,

Following up on my last ask, what do you think of Narsis Dren. Like I mentioned, every single one of my associates who has encountered him despises him. And from what I have heard his ego is bigger then Mannimarco's and possibly rivals that of Molag Bal (Also disregard any reports you have been getting of a Khajiit with glowing eyes, the less you ask about that particular matter the better)

I had, in fact, met Narsis Dren.

"I am an explorer of incomparable renown, the greatest delver into the most dangerous ruins of the past that had ever been!" he said.

Which was all nice, but that particular Ayleid ruin was on a private property of the Tharn estate and has for centuries served as our wine cellar with some extra security measures.

We didn't talk much that time, he gave me such a headache that I ventured into the "foreboding den of promising riches" myself, and when I emerged later with some liquid will to bother with nitwits, he was gone.

I ran into him years later in Reaper's March while I was gathering more information about Knhunzar'ri. He insisted that I could be his "assistant" while he searched the archive for... I don't know what exactly, and honestly I didn't care. The last I saw him, he was trying to get the Pendant of Lunar Flight off while he was hovering under the ceiling. I noticed only because he stopped getting under my feet for three minutes.

My ideal Batman Timeline

I'm leaving this for reference for any fanfiction I make or post I make. Take it or leave it. Do what you want. I'm just trying to get all of Bruce's Robins in order and some of the DC timeline.

Bruce Wayne leaves at 17 after graduating high school early

Bruce graduates college at 19 with a business degree (Alfred didn’t order him to, but he strongly inclined Bruce to do it)

Bruce trains until he is 22

Bruce Wayne returns to Gotham and becomes Batman at 22

When he is 23 (AKA Year 2) The Long Halloween scandal occurs

By the end of Year 2 Harvey Dent is officially Two-Face

At the beginning of Year 3 Bruce adopts Dick Grayson

During the middle of Year 3, Batman meets Superman for the first time. After an adventure, they become friends

At the end of Year 3 Dick Grayson is properly trained to be Robin

By Year 4, Bruce is officially stuck in a month long entanglement with the Al Ghuls. Bruce and Talia sleep together multiple times throughout this month. By the end of it, Bruce has cut ties with the entire family and they will occasionally feud.

By year 5, the Justice League is formed

During Year 13 of Bruce’s career, Dick turns 18 and has a falling out with Bruce. Dick leaves to become Nightwing and form the Teen Titans

Ages to keep in mind so far

As of Year 3: Bruce Wayne is 24 Dick Grayson is 8 Barbra Gordon is 9

As of Year 13: Bruce Wayne is 34 Dick Grayson is 18 Barbra Gordon is 19 (Barb starts doing Batgirl stuff after 6 months Dick becomes Robin and becomes recognized as a Batfamily member by the end of Year 4)

During the middle of Year 13, Barry Allen dies during Crisis. The Crisis doesn't matter, but now Barry Allen is dead due to stopping a world ending event. Wally West is now The Flash

Year 14, Bruce finds Jason Todd stealing his tires on the anniversary of his parents death. This cracks him up so much that he adopts him (that’s actually canon)

By the middle of Year 14, Jason Todd has been trained to become Robin

By the beginning of Year 16, Joker kills Jason Todd

Ages so far Year 16: Bruce Wayne is 37 Dick Grayson is 21 Barbra Gordon is 22 Jason Todd is 16

Jason Todd is revived by the League of Assassins before he is buried. Bruce Wayne is too frazzled to notice the fake body

Shortly after the death of Jason Todd, Joker shoots Barbra Gordon in the spine, causing her to be paralyzed from the waist down. Since Batman didn’t have a Robin, Batman almost killed the Joker

By the middle of Year 16, Tim Drake recognizes that Bruce is a hop skip and a jump away from killing someone and forces himself into the Batfamily. By the end of Year 16, Tim Drake is officially Robin

Year 19: Jason Todd officially debuts as the Red Hood

By year 22, Damian Wayne is in the picture and Tim Drake becomes Red Robin

By year 24, Jason is accepted back into the Bat Family as he vows not to kill anyone ever again

By year 24 (basically current day):

Bruce Wayne: 45 Dick Grayson: 29 Barbra Gordon: 30 Jason Todd: 24 Tim Drake: 18 Damian Wayne: 14

Got any additions? I'd love to hear!

Hades after the Odysseus song

Hades: We should go to the Valhalla for vacation.

Persophone (in a hot tub): Hm, that would be nice for a winter vacay.

Hectate: Intake time!

Hades sighed, rubbing his forehead.

Persophone: Wait, let me go with you. Hera texted me earlier about this.

Hades (exhausted): Oh my me.

Hades and Persophone made their way to the intake room where all the suitors from Odysseus palace and for once Hades just laughed and clapped for a few seconds confusing the dead men.

Hades (amused): He actually gutted all of you? After the crap my family put him through I'm not even mad. I'm actually proud of him. All the idiots who tested that man line up, but Antinous you come up first. I have to know how he got you first, no wait tell me what led up to it.

Hades laughed surprising Hectate and Nyx. Persophone giggled as well. Antinous, with an arrow through his neck, reluctantly walked to the podium.

Persophone: I figured he would react like that.

Ooh fancy pants rich McGee over here ✨

Part 23

Dick 9 times out of 10 failing to hide a severe injury from the rest of the batfam because without fail when he’s tired or drugged or generally not firing on all cylinders his native accent comes out as thick as the day he met Bruce.

- - -

Bruce: Dick come down for a check up I saw you take that hit for Tim.

Dick, halfway towards the cave exit and still going, in the quietest voice possible: im fine

Bruce: Say squirrel and you can leave.

Dick:

Bruce:

Jason:

Tim:

Damien:

Dick: …skweeerrehl.

Jason: Get him boys.

hc that every couple months jason texts tim like "hey r you going rogue yet?" "no" "alr lemme know if you change your mind" until one night tim gets this text while he's having an absolute shit week and goes yknow what? why not and suddenly the internet is filled with news that red hood teamed up with an unknown associate to cause chaos(stealing from corrupt billionaire type chaos, not mass murder of innocents type chaos) and said associate randomly shows up again every couple months

Every time I see one of the “Bruce Wayne collects orphans” or “where does Batman get all these children???” jokes, I get this little ping in my head because, yes, it is a good joke, very funny, bonus points if it’s other characters trying and failing to combine Broody McBroodface with Tired DadTM. But also… 

I just can’t shake the conviction that no one is as baffled and bewildered by his ever increasing number of children than Bruce Wayne himself.

Like, this man clearly never intended to be a dad. He is Vengeance and Justice Committed to The Mission. Kids don’t factor into that. And to that point, it’s worth noting that none of his kids were premeditated. At no point has Bruce ever thought “maybe I want a(nother) kid.” They just sorta…happen. And not even in the usual way! (Mostly)

Like, Dick? Bruce wasn’t going “orphan shopping.” He went to the circus to to relax for once in his godforsaken life and wow, would you look at that, a vivid recreation of his own trauma and, oh, who’s this kid Batman keeps running into on patrol, wait, this is the same kid?! Whoops, I guess I’m raising this kid now, Alfred how do you raise a kid!?!

Jason? Yeah, Bruce was just doing his usual Batman thing when he ran into a homeless kid and somehow got too attached. Tim just showed up one day and said, “hi, I’m your kid now, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.” (Really. you can’t stop me). Damien basically did the same thing, only with more stabbing. Cass…?? Stephanie????!!

(Bruce googling in the middle of the night: Is it normal to adopt your son’s ex-girlfriend?? Or did she adopt me??? Giving a kid an unlimited credit card and vigilante training counts as adoption, right??)

Point is, these kids just…show up, needing help, and somehow, for reasons that defy all logic, Bruce is the adult best equipped to help them. And yeah, Bruce never intended to adopt a kid (…or seven) and, no, he doesn’t exactly know what he’s doing, but these kids need him so he takes them in and does His Best because he’s the one who can. 

Which is all to say, I think we should see far more conversations re: Finding out Batman has approx. 5 million kids that go like this

Someone: What? Do crime-fighting orphans, just like…crawl out of the woodwork around you? Bruce, exasperated and visibly stressed: yeah, BASICALLY. 

This

Our fandom forbearers did NOT suffer through Anne Rice, strikethrough, and other bullshit for fucking ACOTAR and Harry Potter fans to fucking ruin it for all of us by selling fanfiction. I am not losing novel length yaoi epics because some of you don't know how to act in fannish spaces and yes I do blame the booktokification of fanfic but I also blame those of you that treat fandom like content to consume and not a community to engage with.

Now this is my first time drawing Soundwave! My favorite solo mech :D