The Lego Batman Movie Reads Like It Was Written By Jason And Tim Mocking Bruce And Dick, Like You Can’t

Understandable, Alfred is a bad ass and terrifying, we respect Alfred Pennyworth

Imagine: Bruce gets the ability to see people's kill counts

He's not surprised to see that Damian's and Jason's are pretty high.

He's not surprised to see that Dick's is pretty low, for a vigilante.

He's shocked to see that Tim's is way higher than he'd thought (he would be asking about that later...).

He faints when he sees Alfred's.

Every time I see one of the “Bruce Wayne collects orphans” or “where does Batman get all these children???” jokes, I get this little ping in my head because, yes, it is a good joke, very funny, bonus points if it’s other characters trying and failing to combine Broody McBroodface with Tired DadTM. But also… 

I just can’t shake the conviction that no one is as baffled and bewildered by his ever increasing number of children than Bruce Wayne himself.

Like, this man clearly never intended to be a dad. He is Vengeance and Justice Committed to The Mission. Kids don’t factor into that. And to that point, it’s worth noting that none of his kids were premeditated. At no point has Bruce ever thought “maybe I want a(nother) kid.” They just sorta…happen. And not even in the usual way! (Mostly)

Like, Dick? Bruce wasn’t going “orphan shopping.” He went to the circus to to relax for once in his godforsaken life and wow, would you look at that, a vivid recreation of his own trauma and, oh, who’s this kid Batman keeps running into on patrol, wait, this is the same kid?! Whoops, I guess I’m raising this kid now, Alfred how do you raise a kid!?!

Jason? Yeah, Bruce was just doing his usual Batman thing when he ran into a homeless kid and somehow got too attached. Tim just showed up one day and said, “hi, I’m your kid now, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.” (Really. you can’t stop me). Damien basically did the same thing, only with more stabbing. Cass…?? Stephanie????!!

(Bruce googling in the middle of the night: Is it normal to adopt your son’s ex-girlfriend?? Or did she adopt me??? Giving a kid an unlimited credit card and vigilante training counts as adoption, right??)

Point is, these kids just…show up, needing help, and somehow, for reasons that defy all logic, Bruce is the adult best equipped to help them. And yeah, Bruce never intended to adopt a kid (…or seven) and, no, he doesn’t exactly know what he’s doing, but these kids need him so he takes them in and does His Best because he’s the one who can. 

Which is all to say, I think we should see far more conversations re: Finding out Batman has approx. 5 million kids that go like this

Someone: What? Do crime-fighting orphans, just like…crawl out of the woodwork around you? Bruce, exasperated and visibly stressed: yeah, BASICALLY. 

I just know Gordon internally dies every time someone in the bullpen has some gossip magazine with Batman's highly distinct jawline splashed across a cover or spread.

I just finished reading this story and I loved every second of it

It has been almost a year since I started procrastinating writing the last chapter for this fic so uh. Have a sketch of the boys ig.

tim drake pulls home alone style pranks on ra's al ghul in his spare time send post

Penelope: What kind of things did you do?

Odysseus proceeds to lay out all he did without lying and asks an important: Would you love me again, I'm not the man you knew?

Penelope: Did you... Did you sleep with specific women? I'm kind of cool if you did, eh.

Odysseus: I got trapped on an island with this crazy woman and she wouldn't let me leave. My moves weren't my own, she was a goddess and basically female Zeus... I was scared everyday and almost killed myself numerous times just to be home.

Penelope (thinking): Oh my Gods he's being completely honest with me. I actually have the best man for this time period.

After bed scene...

Penelope: Twenty years ain't nothing, we still young. Want to go out on a first date?

Odysseus (tears flowing): Yes... I would like that very much.

Aphrodite: I'm not crying, you are!

Ares (eating popcorn): I kind of am.

Tim Drake probably got into fights at school, but he didn't start the fights, he'd finish them. He'd also get away scott free.

People think that they can ruin the Drake's name with their kid getting into fights and causing problems, but no. They encourage him to do these.

Janet had a firm stance in her belief to have the upper hand, so he'd never get in trouble, because she'd blackmail and/or grill into the principal so hard they had to let him go and give the other kid(s) punishment.

Jack had one solid rule, don't start a fight, finish it, and always win. He enforced it by having occasional spars with Tim whenever he could and signed Tim up for all kinds of martial arts to make sure he knew how to fight.

Janet signed him up for whatever else extracurriculars he wanted(ballet, gymnastics, theater, art, vocal coaching, instruments, figure skating, track, etc.).

So just imagine, Tim Drake, publicly known to get into and win so many fights but with no prior context is seen as a trouble maker till they see how well behaved he is. They talk badly about him though, how much of a bad kid little Tim Drake who physically looks like his father but has the face and acts exactly like Janet when he speaks and leads.

And then his parents die and he doesn't cry. They think he's an even horrible kid for not caring about his parents' death even though he's torn.

And then he becomes a Wayne and his reputation, which only Alfred and Bruce know, brings the Wayne name down.

And then he becomes CEO of Wayne Enterprises and everyone expects him to be just like Bruce. What they don't expect is Janet Drake 2.0 when it comes to getting his way and the way he acts or Jack Drake 2.0 with his outstanding leadership and ideas and proposals and what not.

When the rest of the Waynes find out about his reputation, they don't believe it till they see it for themselves.

It's probably at a gala or some sorts. A socialite is being inherently racist towards Damian and talking about how bad of a kid he is. Tim is not standing for it.

"Oh I'm sorry!" he says just a but too loudly to get the attention if everyone in the place, "Would you care to finish that vile comment about my brother? That he was a what now."

"I do, in fact. Perhaps after everyone hears this you Waynes will do better to control that little devil and his unnatural brow-"

The socialite doesn't even get to finish his sentence when Tim karate chops their neck, making them choke(literally) in their own words.

"Oh what was that? Did someone who is actively cheating on their own wife with the underage heir of another company be racist towards my underage and tri-racial brother? Sorry? Did a pedophile defiling the 15 year old daughter of the Miller's family say my 11 year old brother's skin was the sign of the devil? Hm?"

No one says a word, even as they watch Tim twist his words and spill out every secret and dirty fact about the socialite.

They don't even stop him as they watch him beat the crap out of the person with out even trying when said person tries to throw hands with Timothey Jackson Drake, publicly known for getting into fights and winning as well as being graduated from every martial arts class in Gotham ever.

Police were involved, headlines were made, the Miller heir was no longer seen in public and her younger sibling was pronounced heir, and Tim Drake, not Wayne, got off without a scratch, repercussion, or warning.

Damian has never felt an older siblings' loving protection more than he did when he saw Tim grill that socialite. He s never felt more respect for the guy before. And suddenly Dick was lower on the sibling scale.

He was lower on the sibling scale for everyone. Good by #1 sibling Dick Grayson and hello Tim Drake.

Have a problem? Someone's mean or is picking a fight? Don't worry, Tim Drake's there.

Drake is more noticeable than Wayne when it comes to Tim, and everyone finds it out the hard way.

Billy hasn’t quiteeee mastered flying in his regular human form yet☁️

(Continuation of my last post ⬇️)

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AXE

What if Billy kept some of his powers in his human form? ⚡️

What are your thoughts on Night Lights becoming a species of their own and sort of...replacing Night Furies and Light Furies entirely?

Honestly my biggest gripe is HTTYD3's portrayal of Grimmel as having "wiped out all Night Furies". I feel it would have been sufficient to have had him kill at least one to establish him as the "Anti-Hiccup" but leave the continued survival of other Night Furies ambiguous. Because if all the black genes came from Toothless alone? That is one inbred population.

Honestly I don't think my answer is going to be some big thought-provoking statement. I generally like the nightlight designs from THW. I've read a bunch of posts about people complaining that genetics doesn't work that way but at the end of the day, it's a fictional species from a fictional world who's target demographic is 6-13 year olds.

Now what I CAN generally speak on (gesturing awkwardly to my bachelors degree in Animation) is that the canonical Night Light designs make the most sense story-telling wise. We get exactly one scene with them in THW. The best way to convey that these are Toothless and Light Fury's children in the three minutes of screentime they have (since they cannot speak) is to have them mirror Toothless' traits —that being his black scales.

And unfortunately...it was also the most efficient way to convey it in TNR. Don't get me wrong. It's very poorly executed. And the implications of inbreeding are there for anyone with a hint of media literacy, but again. TNR has a target demographic of 6-13 year olds.

I do agree that Grimmel's whole "ive killed all the night furies" schpiel isn't believable at all, though. How to Train Your Dragon as a franchise did not drop enough foreshadowing, worldbuilding, or backstory for us, the audience, to believe that. Grimmel's role as an antagonist does not give us any confidence that he's telling Hiccup, and us, by proxy, the truth. In fact, I've always found that line of his to be a bit??? Ironic? To me, it's always had a tone of overconfidence that implies Grimmel isn't as successful as he thinks he is. Kind of like Lord Shen from Kung Fu Panda II.

And that's ALSO why don't think we have enough evidence to say that the Night Lights "replaced" the Night/Light Fury species (though you'll have to take what I say with a grain of salt because I haven't watched all of TNR). I think it's much more likely that the show had a small scope and an overarching idea to focus on Hiccup and Toothless' descendants. There could very well be more Night/Light furies out there, but they aren't important to the story that HTTYD or TNR wanted to tell.

This is actually what the high guard has been doing for the 50 cycles I know this. And Starscream hates losing, but Soundwave can’t be bothered to do anything about that 😒 he’s like a wine mom rn, the way he’s babysitting the whole high guard too. He doesn't really play it with them cuz . It’ll be too easy with his ability, and he’d have to keep hearing everyone argue about who is what