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I love how Clark’s entire internal monologue in this scene appears to boil down to, “Don’t drop the baby. Do not drop the baby. Batman will kill you if you drop the baby.”

Source - Batman/Superman: World’s Finest

I have this headcanon that Duke is like… the only person who can shit talk Damian to his face and everyone else is flabbergasted bc like- its damian, but Duke lives with the guy and actually has no chill, so Damian allows it because… Duke’s like… his closest brother because they live together.. like-

Damian: *scowling around at people at a very important social event* Dick: *trying to get him to smile* Duke: *flatly, snaps his fingers twice in Damian’s direction* Fix your face Critter Dick: *ready to hold Damian back if he attacks* Damian: *bats Duke’s hand away, but smooths out his expression and almost looks… normal* ~ Duke and Jason: *having a discussion* Damian: *walks in* D+J: *laugh* Damian: What am I missing? Duke: *without missing a beat* a few inches of height Jason: *agog* Damian: *rolls eyes* ~ Robin: I need to get to the top of that wall Signal: You do? Damn. Thats a shame. *whistles* Damian: *scowling* Duke: Do you have something to ask, short stack? Dick: *ready to intervene on Duke’s behalf* Damian: *through gritted teeth*  Could you help me up the wall, Signal? Please. Duke: *smirks. Yeets him up* Dick: *gagged* Bruce: *used to it, sighs*

Starting to think a cooler headcanon for Clark’s upbringing might just be that the entire town of Smallville collectively decided to just go with it and accept that Martha and John's kid has superpowers, but we don't talk about it.

Someone's tractor gets stuck and nothing can get it out? "Be a dear and run down to the Kents, would you? Ask for Clark?"

"Why Clark, we need a machine--"

"Run along now."

Or if he kicks too hard and the football vanishes into the upper stratosphere, no it didn't, we all collectively saw it land over there *vague hand movements*

Jason sometimes in Lost Days, probably: Oh no

Talia: hmm? What's wrong?

Jason: I have PTSD

Talia: Wow, that's insightful. You're learning-

Jason: Don't worry I have a plan!

Talia: ... Let's hear it.

Jason: Did you know exposure therapy worked wonders on ptsd? Do you know an explosive specialist? Also I'm gonna call myself Red Hood from now on! And confront Batman and the Joker with a gun in a warehouse rigged with a bomb! I'm a genius!

Talia: ...

Jason: I'm gonna fix myself so easily!

Narrator Voice: He did not, in fact, "fix himself".

*Tim being thrown back in time and deciding to not get attached to past versions of his family*

Also Tim: *somehow ends up with baby Jason following him around like a duckling*

Tim: ...well fuck

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fic: A Family History Rewritten by MysticMalady, TheBestTinyDragon

I would like to expand on the joker junior idea. Imagine Batman going to arkham to interrogate Joker for another case, leading to him getting beaten by bats while laughing about how he not only failed Jason but Tim as well. Laughing about how he tortured him, revealing his identity, how easy it was to break him. Batman then threatening to end him and joker replied with "Oh Batsy, if you truly were capable of doing it then Junoir wouldn't have needed to shoot me".

While that was happening everyone except was listening in the whole time and are seething about everything they heard until Tim put his ear piece back on that he took off before Batman started his interrogation because he knows it will get them nowhere so he tries to find a new lead (not because the very sound of Joker's laughter sends him back to when he was screaming as he was getting electrocuted and injected with joker venom that ridiculous he's fine) and told Bruce that he found another lead, getting him to stop pummeling Joker and leaving while he was left there laughing.

Sorry if this is all over the place it was something I came up with after reading your posts. Keep up the good work!

Thank you so much for this!

God that would honestly be mortifying for everyone involved(except the Joker obvi). All the kids are expecting him to taunt Bruce about Jason, and he does. He teases him on how he couldn’t get there in time and how his son still blamed him. Which, sure, Jason has his own gripes with his death, but the Joker is the person who he is LEAST okay with saying this.

But then things take a turn. The Joker starts talking about his SON, and since when did the Joker have a son? He calls him Junior. Teases the Bat that he was too late in saving him, and his boy would ALWAYS be a part of your little Red Ro—

Holy fucking shit.

Nightwing is screaming now. He demands that Batman tell them what the Joker meant. Why hadn’t he been told? What happened to Tim? Why did the Joker know him so well?

Jason is close to having a panic attack, because not only is the one person who scares him anymore on the loose, but he did the same to Tim. To his little brother. To someone who he’s grown close with over the years. Who definitely had a rocky relationship with him. Who talked with him despite that and worked with him despite that. To hear that that very same little brother had been attacked the same way he had, and worse, is more than enough to send the Red Hood on a rampage. The Joker isn’t escaping again, that’s for sure.

Cass is not one to make her presence known. She knows how to keep quiet. How to wait for the right time to strike, but she’s on the Joker in the next possible minute. Even Batman steps back and watches as she beats the person who hurt her brother into the ground. Batman doesn’t know whether to cheer her on, or tell her to stop.

Spoiler is the only one with Tim, and she can’t help but just stare. She doesn’t speak, she doesn’t yell or cry or accuse him of keeping such a heavy secret, she just looks at him. Not with pity, but with the sinking realization that no one knew. Not even her.

Damian wasn’t allowed to leave the cave. He’s sitting by the Batcomputer with Alfred behind him. While he and Drake didn’t have the closest relationship, it’s been some time since he truly thought of him as anything but his brother. He learned from him frequently, how to handle a specific gadget, how to deal with the Batman when his temper flared(slightly, he’s not an asshole anymore Dami(WHAT DO YOU MEAN ANYMORE??)). To hear about this horrifying experience and not be able to comfort Drake made him squirm in his seat.

He’s even more surprised when Pennyworth doesn’t give a single indication that he knows. Nightwing demands that Agent A tell them why he hid this from them. Everyone is shocked when he tells them he is just as clueless.

This is all background noise to Red Robin, because he just got a lead on where the Joker’s goons could be. He doesn’t pay attention to anyone’s words, instead telling Batman that he has a lead and to meet him at a location.

When all this is over and the Joker is back in custody, all Commissioner Gordon can do is pat Tim on the back and tell him to go the fuck home and sleep.

When all this is over, Babs locks up the Clocktower because she’s not dealing with this shit til she’s had her morning coffee.

Okay, but, the GCPD and the Batfamily having a dysfunctional working relationship would be hilarious. Like, the cops know they need the Bats to help keep Gotham’s streets clean, but man, they are fucking troublemakers.

Take Dick, for example. He’s already naturally at home in a police station, so he’ll regularly waltz into GCPD headquarters to give pointers on cases, act as a translator, and will occasionally bring donuts for the night officers. But he’s also been trying to get them to unionize since 2009 and will also unabashedly steal things from the evidence locker. (He always returns it, usually with the adjacent case completed, but it’s a lot of red tape and that’s very annoying.) He also fucks up the coffee machine every time he uses it.

As for Jason… On one hand he is excellent at tracking down perps that have escaped custody or gone to ground. It’s not uncommon for him to pull up with a van full of criminals on the wanted list, which is great… expect for the fact that Jason is also on the wanted list. So whenever he shows up the GCPD cops have to put in effort (minimal as it may be) to try and “capture” the Red Hood so that they don’t get audited by Homeland Security. So now like once a month they have to chase the Red Hood across Gotham proper, because he handed the Penguin into their custody or something, and they have to look good for their bosses—it’s a waste of resources and really fucking annoying, but, hey, they got the Penguin?

Surprisingly, Tim and Stephanie are the most frequent visitors of the GCPD—and they are also the most dreaded. Because Tim is a plucky little know-it-all, but also he can and will update their entire database in a single night and will, at random, solve a cold case they’ve been sitting on for 20 years. The problem is that he’s just fucking annoying about it, and every other week he’ll break into the vending machine to steal the energy drinks—that shit is impossible to get replaced. And Steph? She’ll talk the ears off the night shift and get everyone off task, because they’re busy gossiping about the accounting department in the Manor’s office and planning a prank war on the fire department.

You would think Cassandra would be everyone’s favorite because she’s quiet and much less destructive then her siblings, but you’d be wrong—Cassandra is an absolute menace and the night shift workers have spent years trying to prove it. She will sneak up behind people, leave random pebbles in people’s shoes, and will put googly eyes on anything she touches. The day shift thinks the night officers need to chill because, “isn’t she the chill one?” (No. No she is not. None of the Bats are chill.)

And then there’s Damian. As Robin, the closest he usually gets to the GCPD is through Batman, via his consultations with Commissioner Gordon. But on the rare occasions he’s permitted inside the GCPD, he is dotted on extensively by the officers. He’s deadly and abrasive but they love him. They give him candy and head pats and let him use the sketch-artist supplies to do drawings, which they religiously pin to the break room refrigerator. Damian will pretend to despise this despite the fact that he so clearly loves it.

Lastly, there’s Duke. As the only day shifter, he’s widely considered to be the most well adjusted and relatable Bat. Half a year into his tenure as Signal, he’s on a first name basis with half the GCPD, has his own locker and fridge space for his lunchbox, a coffee mug with his logo on it is kept in the break room, and he’s already been nominated for Employee of the Year despite the fact that he does not actually work for the GCPD. The night shift refuses to accept that he is real.

Bruce, to his Robins: You are my emotional support children.

Dick: Imma commit murder! Chandeliers are my new trapeze! Dating an alien princess sounds like a great idea!

Jason: An abandoned apartment in Crime Alley is a perfectly fine place to live! *dies* Why won’t you kill the Joker, huh? Huh?!?

Tim: Me and my friends are gonna go cause several international incidents. See ya!

Steph: So, like, what if I started a gang war?

Damian: Drake insulted Batcow’s honor! He will perish by my blade! Murder is acceptable! Can we adopt chickens?

Duke: Wdym jumping off bridges isn’t a reasonable tactic? Quit being such a buzzkill!

Bruce, sighing: …and you are also the reason I need emotional support children in the first place.

On the role of Alfred, as understood by the JLA:

Robin!Dick: "It's pretty much Alfie that calls all the shots, sets my bed time and Batman's."

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Red Hood: "It's like a Charlie's angels situation."

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Red Robin, before going against League orders: "The boss? You mean like, Alfred? No I haven't asked him yet."

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Spoiler: "You really want to be late for the dinner? Alfred won't be happy."

Bruce: *closes computer* "We'll finish this up some other time."

JLA: *confused*

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Clark, after Bruce gets severely injured: "Oh God, Alfred’s going to kill me."

Hal: "Relax, what's he even going to do? You're bullet proof."

Clark, groaning and sitting down, head in hands: "That's not going to stop him."

Oliver: "Say the word, and I'll get you on an island not found on any map."

Hal: ???

....You know on one hand I didn't mean to imply that 'that' was what happened but at the same time that particular associate tends to flirt with everyone he sees that's over 18 so it is admittedly entire possible..... also explains why the poor man was so embarrassed

Hello again Chancellor,

I recently thought of something and wanted your opinion, as you are no doubt familiar with, the dragons of Tamriel all share the same basic body shape, slightly rounded body, long neck and tail, two legs and a pair of massive wings, however my associate, during one of his adventures came across a shrine to Peryite and noticed that the Daedric Prince is depicted as a dragon with FOUR legs, with the wings placed upon the back, any ideas as to why this is?

Side note. My associate (usually) makes a point to not touch things he doesn't understand, as per your and Chancellor Antony's caution, the (to my knowledge) one exception was when he overindulged and decided to mess with an object that ended up containing a rather annoyed Iron Atronach. I still don't know how that happened and I didn't bother asking, the poor man looked embarrassed enough but let's just say that was one of his less poor choices that night.

Well, the answer to your question is extraordinarily simple: Peryite is depicted as a six-limbed dragon, because on the (very few) occasions when a reliable eye-witness saw the Taskmaster and was in any shape to report back, the Daedric Prince took this form. But why it takes this particular form is a subject of a heated debate among the scholars of daedric matters... at least when they remember that Paryite should be considered.

My personal theory is that half of the red-tape process is in Paryite's domain and it wants to actually hold a quill in suitable claws.

As for your associate... A balm of aloe vera does wonders on burns in sensitive areas.